Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

[Comeymemo]

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
• confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
• confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
• confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
• confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
• would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

I totally agree that Glitter (?) should have co passion and not shout vile bug to say they have lost their children is completely wrong

sorry but what? And where have I said anything about losing their children? I haven't.

Oh the absolute hypocrisy on here.

You are falling over yourselves to tell the OP about risks of contagion and then in the next breath demand that a trans boy needs to absolutely be kept in amongst their friendship group (which I think they should) because they need the support of their friends.

Interestingly you don't answer the question though. Why aren't you concerned about contagion amongst the other girls?

Exactly, @Weetabixandshreddies

Baffling really.

Interestingly you don't answer the question though. Why aren't you concerned about contagion amongst the other girls?

At a guess, because transboys are biologically male so they're OK, - forget transgirls though, we don't care about them?
It works one way, but not the other, is that it?

female! FFS lol

I've said nothing about contagion in this thread. Do you think we're all the same person with different usernames?

It comes across as very "you people", and it's rare that anything good follows the assertion of that attitude.

Also, children don't just become trans all of a sudden when they hit 10 years old or some similar age as though its some random choice they make. Its usually evident from a very early age, even as young as 2 years old. They tend to gravitate towards playing with more girly stuff, don't like playing with boys stuff, want to wear girls cloths, have more feminine mannerisms, they look so much happier when dressed according to there sense of inner-self.

Girly stuff? Boys stuff? Are we back in the 1950s?! So by your definition Franklin D Roosevelt was in fact a trans girl?...

Maybe you haven't, but a lot have.
why is it OK one way but not the other? I read weetabix's question as in general and not specifically aimed at you.

Tiny Franklin looks a bit grumpy, maybe they were still starching the hell out of clothes back then. Shoes are cute though.

Did you miss my post about not affirming the delusion?

Kids should be taught that it's possible to experience discomfort and dysphoria and come to terms with their own body in time, not taught their body actually is wrong and needs to be damaged beyond repair.

Then there is nothing to catch.

But no, we have people going into schools selling Barbie or GI Joe identities and jelly baby brain cells, and promising children they can change sex.

I realise that may seem complicated but it really isn't.

AngryAttackKittens

Sorry, I missed your replies to the posts proclaiming the risks of contagion, you know the ones where you said that wasn't a concern and that the most important thing is that a child experiencing this needs the support of their friends.

Because this child might be a trans girl but their friends might actually be girls might they not?

Did you miss my post about not affirming the delusion?

So all transpeople are deluded?
Okay.
wow. OK. The "explanation" doesn't come across any better tbh

Oh for fucks sake put yourself in the child's shoes. You will come over as a complete nightmare to the school. Chill

Oh, are we back to everyone needing to respond to every point someone else has made again? If so I ask again - Putin, would you, y/n?

(I remain baffled as to how Weetabix came to the conclusion that it was appropriate to order her fellow commenters around like this.)

GlitterStick What term would you use to describe someone's firmly held belief that they really are something they are not? Delusion seems like an appropriate word.

Hamster posted earlier about being male.

Did you read that? Transsexuals used to be counselled to accept that they were not actually changing sex prior to surgical intervention.

What is happening with children is that a collective delusion is being imposed on a school where everyone is compelled to pretend they are the opposite sex. This is an absolute reversal of the the physyciatric approach that has been in place for years and is resulting in massive increases in numbers of female children claiming to be trans. It's happening. It is a delusion we don't agree we should be participating in. It's damaging.

I remain baffled as to how Weetabix came to the conclusion that it was appropriate to order her fellow commenters around like this.)

Hhhhmmm. Clever deflection. I asked you a question, you refused to answer it.

You asked me a question and I answered it.

Yet me asking you a question means that I am ordering people around?

In the absence of an answer I shall draw my own conclusions.

Ffs. Most teenagers have friends of both sexes, surely. Weetabix, you sound like you grew up in the 50s with some strict code of how girls and boys ought to behave.

Boarding schools are concerned about safeguarding. They are concerned about social contagion. It’s not all about trans.

Transsexuals used to be counselled to accept that they were not actually changing sex prior to surgical intervention.

This shows an important distinction between how this was treated in the past, and what is happening now.

Telling children that they can change sex is cruel.

Weetabix, you sound like you grew up in the 50s with some strict code of how girls and boys ought to behave.

With regards to what? What on earth have I said that suggests that?

You mention social contagion. How is there less of a risk of contagion when a trans boy is kept amongst the girls (their friends) than with a trans girl?

From observation I have noted that boarding schools seem quick to have girls with anorexia leave. I assume two fold reasoning. First to get the girl away from the closed environment, plus to protect other girls from contagion. Given the cluster phenomenon of ROGD, I assume schools will be equally keen to manage any “they are so brave and stunning” response to a TG pupils from their peers.

Yes. And I, as a parent of a fellow pupil, would want to know how the school proposed to go about this. For the safeguarding of my own child.

Weetabix

You have set up this apparent contradiction yourself. So if it pleases you to agree with yourself too then carry on.