Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

[Comeymemo]

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
• confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
• confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
• confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
• confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
• would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

RepealTheGra

I look forward to the inevitable public enquiry into WTAF we thought pathologising and sterilising gender non conforming and/or gay children and experimenting on them with off label drugs was a good idea I’m the early 21st century.

Puberty blockers don't sterilise children, they delay onset of puberty. It buys the child more time to be sure they feel the need to continue along this path. Such children cant wait until they are say 16 then decide. By then the testosterone has kicked in and there entire body becomes masculine in features and strength. Once that happens its unlikely they will ever appear as a female. Its hard to hide bigger feet, hands, squarer jaw bones, body hair and the list goes on. So its not about sterilising anyone.

Also, children don't just become trans all of a sudden when they hit 10 years old or some similar age as though its some random choice they make. Its usually evident from a very early age, even as young as 2 years old. They tend to gravitate towards playing with more girly stuff, don't like playing with boys stuff, want to wear girls cloths, have more feminine mannerisms, they look so much happier when dressed according to there sense of inner-self. Many who are coerced or forced to fit into the sex they were born with become very withdrawn, and if they are berated enough and made to feel bad about themselves, they eventually become suicidal. Personally I would not have an issue with a trans child under 12 using the girls bathroom. When they hit there teens, then I can understand why some people feel very uncomfortable about that, and airing on the side of caution seems wise. Even so, i read earlier someone mention that the prisons have 80,000 men in them, 12000 i think it was were sex offenders. To add some context to that, if in the UK we have say 66 million people and lets say 50% are female and 50% male. So 12000 men out of 33 million men is something like .034% of men are sex offenders. That is a very very tiny number of people and subsequently one could suggest, a very tiny risk. You probably have more chance of getting hit by a car walking to school. I know the figures are very simplistic, but it does i think add some context to the level of threat. Even so, its always better to air on the side of caution, but be a little more realistic about the risk level perhaps?

As for contagion, I'm sure it could be a problem. People like to be different, challenge peoples views or just want to fit in. I think it is very unlikely those people would end up anywhere near an operating table or be fooled into thinking they were born in the wrong body. I'm sure there are trans children who have gone the whole way, then afterwards they have come to realise that having the body of a women (minus internal parts of course) hasn't made them feel any more content than they were just being dressed up with all there parts in tact. In time it will all balance out and lessons will be learnt. If anyone suddenly came out at the age of 12 or later saying they are trans, I would be very sceptical.

I also do not believe its a mental illness & I am sure in time it will be seen that way, anymore than being homosexual or lesbian is an illness.

"Its usually evident from a very early age, even as young as 2 years old. They tend to gravitate towards playing with more girly stuff, don't like playing with boys stuff, want to wear girls cloths,"

This is total nonsense and utterly sexist. Do you know any 2 year olds, fgs?

You did glitter, at 14.35. You were in full sail with your sanctimonious pomp and had no idea you were transplaining trans to a transsexual regular here. We did though so it was really funny to watch
If so, so what? I dared to disagree with someone who is transgender?
we are all allowed to have our own viewpoint and comment.

I always find it interesting when the collective "they" in terms of trans kids/people is assumed to mean just the male ones, as happened here.

Puberty blockers don't sterilise children, they delay onset of puberty. It buys the child more time to be sure they feel the need to continue along this path. Such children cant wait until they are say 16 then decide. By then the testosterone has kicked in and there entire body becomes masculine in features and strength. Once that happens its unlikely they will ever appear as a female. Its hard to hide bigger feet, hands, squarer jaw bones, body hair and the list goes on. So its not about sterilising anyone.

Are we meant to not care about the female children at all?

AssassinatedBeauty

If you cant be more thoughtful and constructive than calling it sexist your not worth my time or effort. Throwing around stupid words like sexist is easy and cheap. And yes, I knew a 2 year old who was like that, but it's non of your business.

AngryAttackKittens

Did I say you should not care? And when i say trans, i used male to female because that is the most common one and the one people view as the highest risk. But it applies to both.

You didn't disagree with Hamster though, you said Hamster didn't understand what you were saying because they hadn't experienced it. Honestly wriggle as much as you like, it's all there.

Seriously? You talk about girly stuff and boys stuff and "feminine mannerisms", and you don't want to respond to people pointing out the obvious sexism and indeed homophobia inherent in your comments?

And there are many many 2 year olds who play with all kinds of toys and with all kinds of mannerisms. It signifies nothing whatsoever about them at all. Any adult who interprets that as distress about their sex is projecting their own sexist ideas about gender roles onto toddlers.

Among teenagers it's actually female to male that's both most common and fastest growing, so maybe try a bit harder to keep up with what's going on before assuming the people you're talking to know less than you do.

Did I say you should not care? And when i say trans, i used male to female because that is the most common one and the one people view as the highest risk. But it applies to both.

The most common in children is FtM the ROGD that is seen in teenage girls that we’re very concerned about on this board and that the government has ordered an enquiry into.

The majority of middle aged transitioners are M2F though and then we get into the thorny subject of AGP.

I guess it would be a lot easier to pretend that GC people don't have a point if you just took sexism off the table as a topic for discussion...

Oooh AAK I keep cross posting with you, better stop before we look like a hive mind

I prefer "rational mind", personally!

You didn't disagree with Hamster though, you said Hamster didn't understand what you were saying because they hadn't experienced it. Honestly wriggle as much as you like, it's all there
Who's that to? I'm assuming me as you referenced me in one of your last posts.
Again, no, I've never said anything of the sort

Nonsense to you as you can't see outside of your own experience and expect everyone to be the same.

(Is helpful)

waves to Kittens I'm still around... a bit like the bad penny really. Just some house moving and "life".

I'd definitely go with the "rational" for you and Repeal. Hive mind makes the pair of you sound like bugs

As for Glitter's quotes. I can't really argue with someone who is arguing against my own personal lived experience. It's making my head hurt, and I think I might disrupt the space-time continuum if I try.

RepealtheGra

Is that you Webberley with the sexist BS? I don’t even know where to start with your highly offensive, sexist and minimising post. What is ‘girly stuff’ what is ‘boys stuff’? That is honestly one of the most sexist and homophobic posts I have ever read on here.

If your convinced its offensive then report it & the admins will remove it.

You do love your little trigger words don't you, sexist, homophobic. I'm sure you can do better than that to try and make yourself appear intelligent and part of the in-crowd. I read those words so many times in these forums my eyes start closing.

The majority of middle aged transitioners are M2F though and then we get into the thorny subject of AGP.

Translated as the majority of middle age transitioners are male to female though and then we get into the thorny subject of AGP.
From what I can gather from other threads if you disagree with others you're automatically an AGP.)
Happened to me. I'm not accepting all trans are AGP even though some on here have said that's what it is.
(AGP apparently being a sexual fetish for anyone not knowing until recently)

Yes, obviously on a feminism chat board, the words sexist and homophobic are just empty phrases and none of us have any experience of them or spent any time discussing the issues.

I mean why would feminists have opinions about 'girls things' and 'boys things' being the deciding factor in what sex you are?

There's a difference between offensive and breaking talk guidelines, obviously.

If it's soo boring for you to read the responses, maybe try explaining how what you've written isn't sexist or homophobic? It's a lot easier just to resort to snarking and insults though.

(waves to Hamster)

Moving house is such a pain. Hope you're all settled in now!

I'd give up on someone who was all "I want to help people like you! By refusing to listen to anything that you say!" too.

I am thanks Kittens!

...also, for the purposes of utterly inappropriate levity - if someone could invoke Godwin's Law that'd be grand. I get to complete my "thread card" and I can go to bed....

Can I just type in the words Goose step? I'm knackered and can't work in a witticism.

Megan, obviously most convicted sex offenders are not currently in prison!