Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

[Comeymemo]

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
• confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
• confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
• confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
• confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
• would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

Like you say, you can't pretend to be trans. You just are.

You are what? What is 'transgender'? Again, do you mean you have gender dysphoria?

bold: ForgivenessIsDivine

Yes, there is one scared child at the centre of this but there are hundreds of girls standing at the edges who are having their needs pushed aside and are unable to speak out because they are accused of hatred if they do so.

Sounds very extreme to me.

What needs are being pushed to the side? It's generally agreed separate sex spaces are the safest option in the interests of minimising risks.

GlitterStick, when a child tells you they are trans, how can you tell which just are and which are just going along with their friends?

So I will ask the question: at what point do you believe that a male who believes they are a female comes out of the (high risk) category of male and goes into the (low risk) category of female, therefore able to share the legal protections that women have? What is your criteria for this?

This is the crux of it. If we accept male and female segregation is necessary for the protection of females from males as a class, notwithstanding that many males do no individually pose a risk, on what basis is it said that identifying as trans takes a trans woman or trans girl out of the risk category of males?

Obviously not wanting this child to join the same house is ridiculous but there are genuine concerns.

glitter FYI given that you think the overnight sleeping arrangements are a valid concern, you are transphobic by the ridiculous definition commonly employed by trans activists.

This is absolutely horrible of you. The child is a GIRL. Imagine how difficult that is for them to have been born into sex which they feel doesn't fit them, to finally be able to transition, for intolerant people such as yourself demand they cannot participate in sport???

The child is a GIRL.

to finally be able to transition
In what way have they meaningfully transitioned given they are under 18?

or intolerant people such as yourself demand they cannot participate in sport???

So you don't think males have any physical advantage over females in sport and it wouldn't be an issue if this child won every girls track event?

The thing about being gay is that if half a dozen teens in the same class identify as gay for a few years it does noone any harm. Indeed many many kids who end up identifying as heterosexual go through a phase of having same sex crushes as teens. Noone is saying gay kids should be treated differently, circumvent safeguarding rules or change sport category. Gay kids aren't taking drugs to change their bodies in irreversible ways or self harming by crushing their breasts. Gay older teenagers aren't having surgery that stops them from having heterosexual relationships if they change their minds at 25. I mean yes, if you talk to teens about homosexuality it may well be more of them see that in their same sex crushes than would otherwise - but who cares? It won't do them or anybody else any harm. Stamp out TWAW crap and allow boys to be feminine without changing their bodies and without pretending they've changed sex, and hopefully in 20 years' time trans can be something teenagers can harmlessly dabble in too. (Or is that just going back to the 80s? except it was called busting stereotypes then not trans). Currently it's harming both those doing the dabbling and the girls whose boundaries are being trashed in the process.

Not just that @chickenwing, doesn't even want her being in the same house at all.

chickenwing do you understand why sports are segregated by sex after puberty? Nobody wants to exclude the child from sports, they can play sports with the boys as they are MALE. They shouldn’t play with the girls as it is unfair competition and there is a risk of injury to the girls.

Excellent post catkind

RepealTheGR Trans children can be put on puberty blockers to delay the process until they are absolutely sure its what they want. As I understand it, a boy up to around say 11 yo is not that different in strength than a girl. Its only once testosterone runs its course that boys become men with all the physical attributes that go with it. So a boy on puberty blockers would unlikely be any more advantaged that a girl. I may be wrong, but not by a big margin.

MeganJPerry

I doubt the child is on puberty blockers, if they are they shouldn’t be.

I wrote to the Equality office who assures me that in this country we don’t medicate under 16’s for GD. They also told me that the Equality Act single sex exemptions should be used by schools dealing with children of different sexes but the same ‘gender identity’.

There is NO WAY the poor child should be on puberty blockers, they should be using a watchful waiting approach.

Yes sport does actually matter. I’ve played mixed netball for charity and it’s a joke - I was usually one of the better players in the girls matches but barely got the ball when being marked by a bloke. He wasn’t trans but I’m unpersuaded how much difference that makes for the purely physical issue of sport.

I agree this trans girl should be supported as far as is possible and I’ve already said some of what OP said is ridiculous. Hopefully a way can be found for this girl to take part in a way that is fair for everybody. That trans women and girls should not automatically be able to compete in women’s sport should be self evidently fucking obvious.

Not allowing to compete in sports etc? Does it actually matter?

It matters to girls who have trained hard at a sport and don't want lose team places, medals and scholarship opportunities to males. Which by the way is happening at an increasing rate everywhere from school level sport to top level competition.

My last post reads as though I’m saying trans women are “blokes”. Not my intention - I meant it purely in relation to the guy who played GD against me. However the same principle applies to trans women that are physically male.

I presume chickenwing’s post was tongue in cheek. Surely no one would think it’s ok for a boy to compete against girls at sport...oh wait of course it is because they will have a ‘girlbrain’ making them much slower and less strong right??

And I agree nauticant it’s a real eye opener to realise how many people assume that transwomen will be sexually attracted to men therefore no threat whatsoever to women. Where’s Ro with that link about the elephant in the room ie autogynephilia??

It’s also worth reminding people of the recent case where an 18 year old transgender person (biological male) attacked a 12 year old girl in the women’s toilets..her dad was waiting outside for her assuming she would be safe. The same person had also filmed a younger girl in the women’s toilets a few weeks before. The judge in this case decided there was a ‘moderate’ chance they might re-offend and I’m pretty sure they got a non custodial sentence

onemorego2019

Girls sport does matter. Sport is segregated for safety and to allow girls to meaningfully compete.

the idea of 'gender identity' was a more recent phenomenon.

You'll find similar ideas, if not the words, in The Female Eunuch.

Really? I'm surprised at that. 'Gender identity' seems to be all about how you can be 'born in the wrong body'. I can't imagine Germaine Greer writing that, but I haven't read The Female Eunuch. Maybe I should.

Glitter always avoids the question

What is the sense of a woman or how does a women feel

Always always avoids that

Since being transgender is argued to be something that trans people are born with, and being transgender is gender identity being congruent or incongruent with someone's sex, then gender identity would need to be something that someone is born with.

Somehow I can't see Germaine Greer having said in The Female Eunuch that people are born with an inbuilt need to conform to the stereotypes of their own sex or to conform with those of the opposite sex. That said though, in this area I'm becoming unshockable at the kind of bonkers stuff people will cheerfully come out with.

Still waiting

I've answered it plenty on here ta, and I'm not stupid enough to play into your hands for another go.
I've seen others try too.
It's not what you want to hear though. You (general you) don't want somebody to have a go at explaining.
As soon as the "all ears" posts gets trotted out, the ROFL and playground jeering starts towards the poster. It's pretty sad.
Off the top of my head, it's not just me, you (general you) do it to paperteddy (think that's the name?) and RatRolyPoly too.
Before people think I'm making it up.
Because I'm not. It's vile on here at times, especially if you have a differing view.