Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

[Comeymemo]

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
• confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
• confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
• confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
• confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
• would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

@rocky on the same note... Do little boys who identify as girls have a higher incidence of sexually assaulting girls? Cue the prisoners example... Now. Do you think these prisoners were transgender then commited crimes? Or did they get their heads warped in prison and decide it was easy to pretend to be someone else? Chicken/egg

I find it quite hypocritical how I'm wrong for making an assumption that a woman is a lesbian but it's OK to make an assumption that a boy that feels he's a girl is automatically a potential sexual predator

The idea that men aren't emotionally driven is one of the biggest lies ever sold. I find men are every bit as emotional if not more so, it's just that we are expected to pretend that anger isn't an emotional reaction.

Ian Huntley sure as hell didn't seem to think he was a girl pre prison now did he?

I find it quite hypocritical how I'm wrong for making an assumption that a woman is a lesbian but it's OK to make an assumption that a boy that feels he's a girl is automatically a potential sexual predator

Yep, exactly! No making assumptions but you can make whatever assumptions you like about anyone trans. Apparently.

it's OK to make an assumption that a boy that feels he's a girl is automatically a potential sexual predator

But no one is making that assumption are they. They are talking about risk. Are you saying that there is not a risk when boys and girls share dormitories? Are you saying that generations of boarding schools have got it wrong. What is the basis of your expertise? Stonewall or Mermaids?!

If the boy in question did, in fact, identify as a boy he would not be allowed in the girls house, would not be playing sports with the girls and would not be up for awards meant for the girls.

The question that I have never had answered is, at what point does this boy actually become a girl and therefore get access to these things? Is it just on the boys say so?

Because where I am standing, we seem to be in a society where lots of female rights (rights to single sex spaces, the right to privacy, rights to single sex sports) only really exist on the say so of males and that all of it actually depends on how males feel.

If a man 'feels like a woman' then bam, that single sex space is no more. And what's more, a woman who objects to that is a bigot.

I can't think of anything which encapsulates the subordination of women more vividly to be honest.

So it's OK to assume that a boy who wants to be a girl has magically changed to be harmless then?

Limpbizkit, I have never said I think the pupil is a predatory sexual monster. I don’t subscribe to a Manichean view of the world, for starters. And once again, I know nothing about that pupil.

I do think that opportunity plays a significant role in sexual abuse. Since the school is organised in such a way that male and female students belong to different houses and have access to different sports, drama parts, boarding facilities etc, i assume that that organisation wasn’t borne out of thin air - there must have been a rationale for the school to see distinctions between male and female pupils. The fact that the pupil ‘feels’ female doesn’t remove the need for these distinctions to be abolished, because the pupil is still male.

I also think some posters seem to be prepared to sweep sex discrimination under the carpet rather too easily. Sex equality hasn’t been achieved yet - but women/girls should be sharing their awards and protections with men/boys already? Why?

all males are potentially, hence single sex spaces and safeguarding.

What you are assuming is that by saying the words 'I identify as a girl' that ceases to be the case, because ladybrain.

MeganJPerry totally ignoring the trans issue your post is mindboggling. You're assuming intelligent women will accept an article which basis itself on the assumption that we all agree that women "think with their emotions" in contrast to men, who are logical? Seriously? Who are you? What decade are you from? Does Doc know you used the delorean?

why do you have a problem with the pupil playing female parts in a drama play though?
Why is that a "safeguarding concern?"
Theatres have had males playing female parts since forever.

but it's OK to make an assumption that a boy that feels he's a girl is automatically a potential sexual predator

That’s not what was said, are you intentionally misrepresenting or not capable of understanding safeguarding at all?

All males pose a potential threat to women and girls. It’s got nothing to do with transgender status, and everything to do with their sex. How on Earth you can think that simple biological fact is in any way comparable to making an unintelligent comment about lesbians and what they look like is beyond me.

That last post was to the OP by the way.

I find it quite hypocritical how I'm wrong for making an assumption that a woman is a lesbian but it's OK to make an assumption that a boy that feels he's a girl is automatically a potential sexual predator

no one is saying the boy is automatically a sexual predator.

Certain aspects of society work on the basis that men are a risk to women. It's why we have single sex changing rooms (or all cubicles in unisex changing villages),
its why we have single sex prisons, single sex wards, it's why most male HCPs will have a chaperone if doing an intimate exam on a woman. Because as a society, we recognise that men as a class are a risk to women. And people generally don't have a problem with that.

So I will ask the question: at what point do you believe that a male who believes they are a female comes out of the (high risk) category of male and goes into the (low risk) category of female, therefore able to share the legal protections that women have? What is your criteria for this?

Nobody assumes that about individuals but how else do we manage safeguarding?

Is it really preferable to to get rid of sex segregation then use evidence of offending to chuck out the bad apple element? How does that work? All that does is create more victims of abuse that were more preventable under the old system.

There's a reason the first thing the UN does in war torn countries and crisis zones is establish sex segregation for toileting, washing and sleeping. We all know what that reason is.

@neesmoresleep but what are the chances that this 'boy' who feels like a girl is interested sexually in girls? I understand the safeguarding surrounding boys. But isn't he far more likely to be a gay boy If he identifies as a girl? I'm not saying it's impossible but I do think it's unlikely.

This thread is gold.

Well, it's not subtle, that's for sure!

• correction - The fact that the pupil ‘feels’ female doesn’t remove the need for these distinctions, because the pupil is still male.

Because where I am standing, we seem to be in a society where lots of female rights (rights to single sex spaces, the right to privacy, rights to single sex sports) only really exist on the say so of males and that all of it actually depends on how males feel.

It looks the same to me. Plus, I'll add that people will deny that these spaces are needed and demonstrate a lot of anger when the they are reminded why we need space away from males.

Ffs, I've not RTFT but I hope the OP has softened slightly slightly over the course of the thread! Poor fucking child, the comment about 'not drinking from the same water fountain' seems pretty justified to me.

@comeymemo my replies were to other posters not aimed at you

RockyFlintstone of course I now that but surely you can grasp that the feeling can be very real for a person in the situation.
And in regards to physically working out I said less likely not that it would be a given that transgender people don't work out. But surely you can appreciate a teen still in school is less likely to have been going to gym and pumping the weights when they feel like stuck in the wrong body. I will jump on the stereotyping train with you and say bodies with a vast show of muscles tend to be male. (think weightlifting)

limpbizkit - the majority of MTF trans people are heterosexual, not homosexual. That is to say, the majority are attracted to girls/women. Have you not even heard of the male lesbian, the female penis or the cotton ceiling?!