I've realised that I just don't like men very much...

[SandAndSnow]

And I wanted to talk through it a bit, if that's ok. I hope this is the right place.

I'm sitting on a train next to a terrible man spreader so I'm feeling a bit raged at the moment, but it's also made me realise that I increasingly tend to treat men with caution and, if I'm honest, dislike.

I'm in my early thirties, have been sexually assaulted by 3 different boys/men, had a truly awful experience with a bullying (male) obstetrician, my father is an emotionally and at times physically abusive bully and I've been passed over for promotion in favour of a younger and less well qualified colleague by a male boss. As well as all the regular crap like street harassment, manspreading etc. I'm happily married, and I have a couple of male friends, but I'm generally much more comfortable and happy in the company of other women.

Now, perhaps I've been unlucky, and I need to just get over all of this. I'm entirely happy to be told this! And I'm happy to be told that this isn't normal, and I should seek help for this too.

But I wonder if other women feel the same, and that this is actually a rational response to the experiences which I've had?

GlitterStickI asked this earlier and I was wondering what you think?

Imagine travelling home late at night in the days of old fashioned compartment trains. There are two compartments-one with a single man in it and one with a single woman. Which are you going to join for your hour long journey? And which compartment would you advise your child to join?

Are the words of someone who has lived in relative safety and cannot empathise with people who have not

Somebody asked why I didn't hate them all, if it was stupidity or whatever, so I answered
I do empathise with people who have been hurt, of course I do! Seriously.
but how is it right or healthy to hate an entire group of people?

If you go to any dog rescue centre you will find dozens of dogs who don’t like men because of abuse in their past.
This is a really common phenomenon.
Men abuse dogs, dogs become scared of men.

It’s rare you find dogs who are scared of women.

Is that a problem with men or the dogs?

I've realised that I just don't like men very much... =/= I Hate All Men.

Stop twisting people words.

Imagine travelling home late at night in the days of old fashioned compartment trains. There are two compartments-one with a single man in it and one with a single woman. Which are you going to join for your hour long journey? And which compartment would you advise your child to join?

I don't think it'd even register who was in the compartment tbh, I'd just sit down.
Even if I did see a man and he was calmly reading a book or having a snooze or whatever, I wouldn't think "quick go somewhere else" if he wasn't doing anything wrong and minding his own business.
As for my kids if they're on public transport by themselves they're obviously old enough to go about their business, they'd surely make their own judgement who to sit in the same carriage with dependent on the individual and situation

“As for my kids if they're on public transport by themselves they're obviously old enough to go about their business, they'd surely make their own judgement who to sit in the same carriage with dependent on the individual and situation”

So you never told your children, as most of us do, to seek out help from a woman if they were lost or in trouble? Never said sit next to a woman if you can when on public transport alone? Did you talk to them about risk assessment?

So you never told your children, as most of us do, to seek out help from a woman if they were lost or in trouble?

We were told by a family friend, who was a very senior police officer involved in investigating cases of child abuse, not to do this. We told our children that if they need help they go into a shop or ask an official person, not just a passer by, regardless of sex.

Never said sit next to a woman if you can when on public transport alone?

No

Did you talk to them about risk assessment?

Yes

, to seek out help from a woman if they were lost or in trouble?

nearest shop/police/authority figure delete as appropriate

We were told by a family friend, who was a very senior police officer involved in investigating cases of child abuse, not to do this. We told our children that if they need help they go into a shop or ask an official person, not just a passer by, regardless of sex.

THANK you, just seen this after I posted lol, cross posted. glad he said that was beginning to feel like not only do I woman wrong I parent wrong and that I was a weirdo

I've realised that I just don't like men very much... =/= I Hate All Men.

Stop twisting people words.

This. The objections to the cheerleading for men posts aren't about objecting to a different opinion. It's the persistent misrepresentation of what the OP is talking about. Your 'empathy' for women who have come to this place of disappointment with men encourages you to twist that disappoinment into 'hate' and judge them for it. I'm not sure that's the most common form of empathy.

GlitterStick

No, not at all.

He is adamant about this. Too often he's seen women involved in building trust with children, because children are told that women are safe, and then that trust is abused.

His advice is always to tell children to go to a safe place like a shop and ask for help. Or yes a police officer etc.

Even in a shop we taught them that you go to the till and ask staff, not just a customer inside a shop.

Well, obviously “find someone in uniform or go into a shop” is the best thing to do. Stylish deflecting!

I find it very hard to believe that you would not tell your child that a woman is a safer option than a man in, for example, the train compartment scenario. It actually sounds a bit irresponsible to me.

Even in a shop we taught them that you go to the till and ask staff, not just a customer inside a shop

That's what we do too - to say go find a member of staff at the till and not just a randomer perusing the cereal aisle lol

. It's the persistent misrepresentation of what the OP is talking about.

How do you misrepresent "I've just realised that I don't like men very much"?

How else do you interpret that? If I posted that and then added in any other group of people I am sure the posts would be "what all of them?"

Well, obviously “find someone in uniform or go into a shop” is the best thing to do. Stylish deflecting!

How the blardy hell is it deflecting?! FFS, you asked me a question and I answered, truthfully! with what I do!

K'in ell lol. Should I have lied to make you feel better?

'I don't like men very much'

Does not read

'I hate men'

BertrandRussell

See my reason above. I followed advice from a person who has spent 30 years doing this. He has good reason for giving that advice.

You tell your children whatever you want. I told mine advice from someone that I trust.

2 children raised safely into adulthood so I don't need to consider how responsible or not you think my parenting.

Personally, I think any parent who encourages their child to talk to and possibly go off with a stranger is irresponsible.

wheet and glitter

Do you accept that men commit the vast majority of violent crime?

So a group of individuals have taken it upon themselves to police women, and prevent them talking or working through their feelings.

Thats not very helpful. Its not how self awareness or change happens.

Do you accept that men commit the vast majority of violent crime?

Yes I do.

And that tells us what?

So a group of individuals have taken it upon themselves to police women, and prevent them talking or working through their feelings.

Thats not very helpful. Its not how self awareness or change happens.

Oh thank you. Yes, exactly. Whenever I try to post my thoughts on here I get people policing me and telling me I'm wrong.

It's great to have that realised.

Sure, whatever. Go start your own discussion about how open and inclusive you are, and how wrong everyone else is.

Keep going Weetabix. I'm sure self awareness, change and working through your feelings will be apparent in the next few pages as you examine why you feel it necessary to shut down women who want to talk about why their bad experiences with men have made them wary and jaded.

Ok. In the train scenario, would you tell your child to get into the compartment with the man or with the woman?

So you accept that men commit the vast amount of violent crime.

But can’t understand why some women might feel safer and more comfortable around women than men?