I've realised that I just don't like men very much...

[SandAndSnow]

And I wanted to talk through it a bit, if that's ok. I hope this is the right place.

I'm sitting on a train next to a terrible man spreader so I'm feeling a bit raged at the moment, but it's also made me realise that I increasingly tend to treat men with caution and, if I'm honest, dislike.

I'm in my early thirties, have been sexually assaulted by 3 different boys/men, had a truly awful experience with a bullying (male) obstetrician, my father is an emotionally and at times physically abusive bully and I've been passed over for promotion in favour of a younger and less well qualified colleague by a male boss. As well as all the regular crap like street harassment, manspreading etc. I'm happily married, and I have a couple of male friends, but I'm generally much more comfortable and happy in the company of other women.

Now, perhaps I've been unlucky, and I need to just get over all of this. I'm entirely happy to be told this! And I'm happy to be told that this isn't normal, and I should seek help for this too.

But I wonder if other women feel the same, and that this is actually a rational response to the experiences which I've had?

Again if men are so terrible why do any of you enter into relationships with them?

I am a slave to DH's animal magnetism

it's a bit of a bind

Again if men are so terrible why do any of you enter into relationships with them?

^^ because we want to believe that most men are good, we don’t want to believe this and honestly think that we’ve found the good one....then often then not, it turns out not to be.

yes, it's funny how those feminist men really want to uphold the right of women to be wanked into by men

It's not just 1 thread though is it? It's repeated continuously.
I thought FWR got castigated for "too many trans threads"?
This is the only thread I have seen of this type for a long time.
Would you like to start another thread on a topic that interests you? Maybe celebrate the nice men in your life or share your parenting tips (this is Mumsnet after all).

bernard

Dh does bins and duvets among other things

He's a keeper

Yoga maybe? Not at the same time as the wine, to be clear.

If men are so terrible why do you enter relationships with them?

I don't, like several others on this thread. Got burnt by the nice guy who turned nasty after I got married to him and had his babies. Never again.

You are approaching this as thought the fight is fair. As thought we are equal and the hard work is done. You are approaching this as a woman....you don't like it when men stereotype us, so out of principle, you refuse to do it back.

I don't care. I will treat everyone as though they are a decent human being until they prove otherwise.

I'm not going to tar every member of the group with the same brush.

It's worked very well so far for me in 50 years.

So. Weetabix. How do we solve the problem of male violence?

@sheepsheep I was brought up to treat people as I wished to be treated. It resulted in me being shat on time after time. Up until recently I always was the nice one, the helpful one, the listener, the sympathiser, the empathiser, the Good Samaritan, the feeder, the doer etc. Recently I've learnt to say no. I've learnt to treat myself as I want to be treated as no one else will. I've stopped being so nice, so accommodating, so nurturing except to my young dc and my elderly mum. It's been liberating. I no longer feel bound by societies expectations of me as a woman. I treat people decently unless they show me they are not decent.
FWIW I have met many women I wouldn't trust either. But I know lots of decent ones. I unfortunately can't say the same for the men I have met. I know there are decent men out there, some posters here have been lucky to know and love them. But the majority are not decent as most women will testify to.

So. Weetabix. How do we solve the problem of male violence?

By identifying and addressing the causes.

And not just saying that the cause is men or being male.

I think wine would improve my yoga poses

I think it would Improve EVERYONES poses

BrassBellsAndElephants
How does it make you feel that your son will be viewed as one of these men?

Do you not mind that he will be treated by a PP as statistically going to be guilty of one or more of rape, abusive behaviour/DV, sexual assault or harassment, cheating or dodgy sexting or porn searches.

He's well aware that that is how he will be viewed and he completely understands it. He also thinks the behaviour of most men is vile.

He goes out of his way to ensure that women he encounters in public feel safe around him - e.g. he will cross the road to 'avoid' passing by a woman if it's the evening/a quiet area so that she doesn't feel intimidated by him.

It makes him cross and sad the he feels the need to do this but he doesn't blame women for it. He blames men.

By identifying and addressing the causes.
Yeah, we tried that. Doesn't seem to have worked.
Probably because men actually have to do something about it. Not just women. And they seem a bit reluctant.

If men are so terrible why do you enter relationships with them?

I don't, like several others on this thread. Got burnt by the nice guy who turned nasty after I got married to him and had his babies. Never again.

Same here.

MsMcWoodle

Have we? So we've addressed lack of educational opportunities, poverty, lack of good role models in homes with absent fathers, abuse and neglect at home, undiagnosed learning disabilities...

We've addressed all of these have we? Wow. I missed that

Maybe what we need is something like Stonewall,(can't believe I'm saying that) that goes into schools. businesses. govt offices and trains them on how to be decent human beings. I mean, this would actually help over 50% of the population.
And then punish the fuck out of men when they are violent.

Oh. my heart bleeds for the poor disadvantaged penis havers.

I think wine plus yoga would result in a lovely red stain on my hardwood floors...

Are you really trying to say that it is only disadvantaged men who are doing the violence?

Scariest man I've ever met was super privileged, trufax. Silver spoon sociopath, that one.

“And not just saying that the cause is men or being male.“
I don’t think anyone is. I think people are saying the cause is male socialisation. How do we change that?

I don't like men and they don't like me either.

“So we've addressed lack of educational opportunities, poverty, lack of good role models in homes with absent fathers, abuse and neglect at home, undiagnosed learning disabilities...”
Women face all of those things too- and still only commit about 2% of violent crime. And male violence and sexual assault of various kinds is not confined to the disadvantaged.

We have to change social attitudes. People will often do what they can get away with. We have to make certain behaviour unacceptable. It's not at the moment.