Cosmopolitan - Bleeding after anal sex

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

""It's not unexpected that [anal sex] would cause bleeding." Does that mean you should never put anything up your butt hole? No! It just means you need to take some extra precautions, like, say, a little thing called a shit-ton of lube"

"It's not a sprint, it's a marathon back there. And you want to make to the finish line without any bleeding or discomfort."

FFS

www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/amp9230630/is-bleeding-after-anal-sex-normal/?__twitter_impression=true

“I actually don't think this is the issue. I think we have got to the stage where girls and young women are being encouraged to 'consent' to sex which causes pain. Which is what that article is pushing really. ”

I hate to say it but I think you’re right. I’m old enough to remember when anal sex was illegal in the U.K. now it seems to be normalised to the point where if you’re not up for it you must be some sort of uptight uncool prude. It seems like one taboo has been broken after the other. And once a taboo is broken it’s often eventually normalised and finally promoted by the media. I wonder what will be next.

Big push from the paedophile crew at the moment

That's next on the list

They have tried a few times and got pushed back

NothingOnTellyAgain Sun 03-Feb-19 15:38:43
Big push from the paedophile crew at the moment

That's next on the list

They have tried a few times and got pushed back

.............................

Well I wish they would just push off again. Aren`t their sad little dark web sites enough for them.

No

The dark websites feature real children beign abused so they shouldn't even have that

And of course they will always look to normalise / miimalise reallife offending

Look at the proliferation of so called documentaries Bundy, Michael Jackson, Rose West being thrown at us this year. Is it a backlash I wonder?

I've not seen them

Are they sympathetic? Or condemning.

"No means yes; yes means anal"

^^ That has definitely changed from "my day" (also mid 40s)

I have nothing against anal by consenting, informed adults, but I do worry that there are teenage boys who feel no problem with asking to/demanding to do it to a girl, but would be too embarrassed to go into a chemist and buy the lube needed to do it more safely. That is a bad combination of attitudes.

Sadly I think I am going to have to talk to my kids about this once they're a bit older.

@Echobelly that exactly
I've come across men who think spit is fine and they can just bang away with anal. No!!!

It's something I've done and yes, with a consenting gentle partner, toys, lube and patience and someone who I trust completely. It does seem to have become far more normal

Cosmo should be ashamed of themselves. Normalising anal sex to young women.

It's very difficult to say no to something if you've been fed a diet of articles like that pushing the message that it's normal and expected sexual behaviour.

What a dismal state of affairs.

@NothingonTellyagain

Yes I remember when men were grateful and delighted to have a woman in their bed. ( mid 40s) I never remember feeling pressured to do anything. It was enough that I was there. Sometimes the sex was clumsy and inept but our generation of young women were told by mags like Cosmo that we should be having fun in bed and that we needed to let men know what we liked them to do. It was about everyone having a good time. This current state of affairs breaks my heart.

Who reads Cosmo. these days? What is their demographic?

if a woman freely and enthusiastically consents to anal sex because they enjoy it and they are not in pain etc then I don't believe it's the place of other women to tell her her sexual choices aren't valid.

But, that doesn't mean anal sex shouls be presented as the norm, or expected, or that women should be told its normal to be willing to suffer 'small tears' or bleeds in the name of sex, nor should they be pressured into using numbing lube to be a sex doll for a man's fantasy. Sex had to be mutually enjoyable with informed and meaningful consent from both parties.

"delighted to have a woman in their bed"

Yes!

I was also delighted to have them in my bed most of the time

That has goen wrong back to square 1

Men and boys are raised to see women as a 2D set of orifices to try out an ever increasing bucket list on, if women / girls don't like it then that's their problem, and if you can coerce the magic yes then job done irrepective of anything else (obvious pain etc) - she's agreed ot it, after all. So now she has to do it.

Gay men have anal sex though, or are men's arseholes just bigger?

Betty, men have a prostate.

It's interesting how the current narrative is basically that girls are socially conditioned/influenced/pushed to think certain things are normal just by the mere mention of them. And yet there has been multiple pp on here also saying "messages can't be subtle! Girls need to be told!"

Either women are helplessly influenced by every little thing they hear or they need direct, clear and loud messages for their little brains to understand. Don't see how you can have it both ways.

The issue to be tackled isn't specifically anal sex, choking or whatever the latest pearl clutching problem is. What is taught needs to be much broader - how a good relationship should be, how you should be treated in general, what a positive sexual/romantic partner is like, how to be assertive and have boundaries. Teaching girls that they are helpless victims will not await with this. It's fainting couch feminism that feels closer to Victorian times than now. I despair for most adult women based on the relationship thread on here - tons of you are in shitty relationships where you are not treated with anything close to respect and kindness and yet apparently back in the day all messages to girls were positive

I agree it shouldn't be normalised but it doesn't need to be demonised either when it's not so much the act that is the problem than everything else that leads to it be done in a harmful way.

I know men have a prostate but does that stop men from bleeding and tearing during sex?

@ betty

and actually lots of gay men don't bother with anal as it's a palaver / they don't liek it / whatever

The idea that gay men are definitely buggering each other left right and centre the whole time comes more from hangovers around old attitudes and ideas about homosexuality and men (driven by mens fear tbh) than anything factual.

In fact there are plenty more things men ca do in bed although for sure anal sex is one of them.

The popularity of het men buggering women that has exploded in the last few years is more to do with other things none of which are particularly positive.

Not many gay men have anal sex. We're anatomically the same- arseholes aren't designed to comfortably receive a penis regardless of sexuality.
Some people do it, some don't.

One significant problem with anal sex is that it is the perfect means of spreading HIV, especially if there is bleeding.

"The issue to be tackled isn't specifically anal sex, choking or whatever the latest pearl clutching problem is."

You're awesome.

PLease do tell us more!

You could use words like
dried up
prude
"won't someone think of the children"

and so on

I don't think I have much if an issue with girls reading about it or discovering information for themselves to be able to make an informed decision (I agree there is much missing from the Cosmo article) I feel that the real understanding of anal sex along with coercion and consent needs to be directed at boys, both the fathers and sons. They are the ones who really need to understand what this is about.

Hmm, I'm not sure - clearly though the anatomy of that area is different for men vs women, as the presence of the prostate proves... HIV spread through the gay community via small cuts and tears in the anus area and I know my gay friends would sometimes use poppers to "relax" the area. However, men are bigger all over (does that include anus?!) I imagine there will be similar pressures on young gay men to allow their partner to have anal sex with them.

Worrying about boys coercing girls into a bit of light throttling is definitely pearl clutching

Thinking yikes at the incidence of girls going to hospital because of injuries due to sex is v v victorian

Where do you stand on men more or less gettign away with murder on the grounds of "rough sex"? Of ONLY those women had stodd up for themselves eh, had some boundaries...