Cosmopolitan - Bleeding after anal sex

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

""It's not unexpected that [anal sex] would cause bleeding." Does that mean you should never put anything up your butt hole? No! It just means you need to take some extra precautions, like, say, a little thing called a shit-ton of lube"

"It's not a sprint, it's a marathon back there. And you want to make to the finish line without any bleeding or discomfort."

FFS

www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/amp9230630/is-bleeding-after-anal-sex-normal/?__twitter_impression=true

Its like there is an anal sex or choking klaxon or something

Was just about to post that!

When I was late teens early 20s, anal was definitely a 'thing'. Like there would always be 'one up the bum, no harm done' (Bleugh) and blokes talking about 'accidentally' going up there etc etc.

But it wasn't to this extent that it was totally normal and 'yanno, if you bleed it don't mean nuffink really' culture that there seems to be now.

This isn’t about discussing- it’s pushing a message that anal is the norm and that if your boyfriend asks for it, you should give it to him unless you’re a prude. There’s enough pressure on girls to have vaginal sex without adding in anal, choking and fisting. Saying ‘of course it’s fine to say no’ is of little help to impressionable teens wanting to fit in. As we all know.

And all this ‘if you do it properly it’s not painful’. How the hell do you know? The anus is not designed to be penetrated even if people do. Stop telling people that the reason they feel pain from anal penetration is because they aren’t doing it right. You might get the odd woman who prefers it but in reality most heterosexual women I know who do it say they don’t actually get enjoyment and do it for their partner. Their partner who could get equal sexual pleasure from vaginal sex. Seems pretty unbalanced. Oh and STD transmission risk is much much greater.

I can’t actually see the problem with that article.

And choking certainly wasn't a thing.

Christ, my poor daughter

It's this normalisation which has seen a dramatic increase in teenage girls needing emergency medical treatment after anal sex. The ones who are brave enough to ask for help of course.

I'm fucking sick of my 11 year old dd and her friends coming home and telling me that "all girls like anal or they're frigid" according to boys at school. This is when she isn't being groped of course. I am so SICK of this shit.

Ah yes, the infamous Teen Vogue article where the 'non prostate owner' is also apparently a 'non clitoris owner'.

No magazine that wants teens to actually read it is going to take a ‘just say no’ line.

I think there’s lots of subtle reinforcement there actually, about the delicate tissues, and ‘shoving’ references. Seems to be written to make anal sound a bit yucky. Like you can knowledgeably talk about how oh yeah you know all about anal, yeah totes, but actually it’s just a little bit, well, effort, let’s not bother.

I can't find it on twitter but recently there was a letter to a magazine I didn't recognise.

A woman wrote to say she'd tried so many times in so many ways to enjoy anal sex but couldn't.

But her husband felt it was his right for them to try again and again because he liked it. They'd used toys, lube etc - he didn't find it painful apparently.

The reply did mention couples counselling if he didn't accept her decisions but didn't go harsh enough imo. No is a complete sentence. Ltb.

I’m so sad for the current generation of young women and teenage girls. The whole emphasis seems to be on submitting to violent and painful sexual practices to please their porn obsessed boyfriends, with no mention of, or regard for, their own pleasure at all.
40 odd years ago, when my generation were young, it was all the complete opposite. Our boyfriends swapped books and mags with information on how to give their girlfriends orgasms, how to locate the clitoris, etc. The women’s liberation movement was very much in the news, and there was a lot of encouragement for women to explore their own bodies and responses, and enjoy the freedom provided by the contraceptive pill and changes in society’s attitudes, in order to have good quality, satisfying sexual relationships.
How did it all go so terribly wrong and backwards for our daughters? I feel we have failed to empower and educate them- perhaps we took it for granted that they would have the same freedom as us?

I agree, it's pushing the message anal is the norm.

If I'd read that when younger, I'd have been slightly conditioned (remember, women and girls are taught from an early age to constantly be seeking info on how to do womaning well to please the men and boys) to think that I was the one with the problem and that I should get over my sexual preferences.

As Denis Riley would like us to do.

*No magazine that wants teens to actually read it is going to take a ‘just say no’ line.

I think there’s lots of subtle reinforcement there actually, about the delicate tissues, and ‘shoving’ references. Seems to be written to make anal sound a bit yucky. Like you can knowledgeably talk about how oh yeah you know all about anal, yeah totes, but actually it’s just a little bit, well, effort, let’s not bother*

Do you really think there is nothing inbetween 'just say no' and 'its normal and fine to have sex that causes pain and bleeding?'

I did not in any way think that article was giving subtle empowering anal sex refusing messages to girls. And you know what? Girls don't need subtle messages in today's world. They need clear messages that they own their own bodies and their own pleasure, and that sex is about their enjoyment, and about them being respected and equal.

Research that I have heard reported on found that teenage girls and boys now believe that if a girl is finding anal sex painful it is because the girl is not relaxing enough. It's her fault.

Sorry, Riley Denis wants us to think carefully about our preferences and consent boundaries.

Accepting a ‘small amount of bleeding’ means the blood is so normalised that by the time its a lot, you shrug it off. Women and girls should never accept this, I don’t care if the odd person gets their kinks like this. There’s odd people everywhere.

Pain exists for a purpose - to tell us when we're being damaged. 'Numbing lube' is a terrible idea.

A while ago, there was something on R4 about teenage girls turning up at the doctors with fecal incontinence, caused by boys getting their ideas about sex from porn. (Normalising anal, and the idea that its usual for girls to cry during it.)

Wow really bab? I'm early 30s and generally things are now the total opposite. You're supposed to start groaning loudly at the sight of a penis and if you aren't enjoying the man enjoying himself then you're at fault.
Not to mention the amount of men who will randomly start pulling hair and throttling mid-way through, misguidedly.

Choking & anal are driven by porn.

I suspect that the majority of women are not into either - but whether some women like it or not - that article makes it sound like a normal expectation of sex - which it never should be.

Cutesy articles trying to normalise "you may get a bit of bleeding, which is ewwww, so get loads of lube" are just shit for women.

I am not in favour of normalising pain during sex. Any pain for any reason. As I said, my reading of it was that anal is a massive effort that carries the risk of bleeding, and I thought it had a subtle ‘we’ve had to ask doctors about this, maybe don’t bother, eh?’ tone.

Bit like drugs - teen mags don’t say ‘just say no’ they take the line of oh but it’s a lot of effort....

Maybe my intepretation of it is wrong.

I also don’t like this line that men pressuring women to do anal is new - it isn’t and I think it’s harmful to perpetuate this ‘didn’t happen in my day’ type attitude. Struggling currently to articulate why. Maybe something to do with the underlying attitude being along the lines of it only used to happen to those who were no better than they should be.

I do know that porn has had a huge negative influence but also surely we all know that men have been sexually violent for time immemorial and women have been told to put up and shut up for time immemorial.

I agree that there needs to be a lot less subtly these days with the 'you can say no' and 'it's okay to just not like something'. I don't think either the teen vogue or the cosmo article is the kind of education really anyone, let alone kids, need on sex.

Oddly, I have an old Men's Health Magazine book on sex and their advice for anal sex is way better than anything I've seen in the articles aimed at women in the last several years - it starts with discussing that very few mixed-sex couples have anal regularly with a few different stat sources, the increased health risks (because haemorrhoids and such are quite easy to make bleed which can bring about more infections and pass them on more), and outright states that the penetrated party has to be in control and the one penetrating has to remember they can't thrust as hard or deeply as with a vagina. I'm not sure it's because of age (this one is from the late '90s, hence the big section on blood issues and HIV) or because it's aimed at guys that may already be interested rather than trying to convince women into it, but I'd give this to some who wants to learn over those magazines any day.

The only people I've heard who enjoy anal and discuss blood are men who are bottoms and even then, pain and tearing during sex is still an issue, it's just that haemorrhoids are easy to scratch without noticing at the time but they tend to bleed on a bit. It does feel like the latter is being used to excuse the pain and issues caused by ignoring the former, often encouraged by porn.

Batteries it’s true though. The number of teen girls who have had anal sex is huge compared to 15 years ago. It’s not just old fogies saying it was different in their day- it literally was.

Also, this is a magazine for girls. Fuck subtle messages. If they want to tell them they have bodily autonomy, tell them. Don’t talk in riddles. Besides, in porn, anal is rarely a hassle and often doesn’t even require lube. So girls feel a failure if they can’t live up to this and it’s what boys expect.

I agree with you batteries but I think with porn being accessible to anyone anywhere has made it so that for the first time, women are being made to feel grateful for it. Like we should be loving it, and if we aren't then we need to learn to do it better as we're defective. It's tricking women. Whereas before, women had no choice as such but took it as something to put up with? I mean, I don't know I'm just speculating.

Littlebrowndog - I hear ya, me too

Batteries it’s true though. The number of teen girls who have had anal sex is huge compared to 15 years ago. It’s not just old fogies saying it was different in their day- it literally was

Yes, this is true. I've heard a spokeswoman for a family planning service saying it used to be rare for girls and women to ask about anal sex/ come in with issues around this,, but now it is common.

The normalising of anal sex is a massive sexual social change. And I really don't think it is because swathes of woman have found they all really, really enjoy being buggered. It's because of porn and because of articles like the one linked to.

women have been told to put up and shut up for time immemorial Yeah, but not in the teen mags I read in the 80's, where we were told NOT to put up and shut up . Unlike the article above and the teen vogue one.

I feel so sad for teenage girls now. Blood and tearing during sex are not in any way normal.

What happened to sex being something two people do together for mutual pleasure? Now it all seems to be men acting out porn on women who are passive recipients with no thought of their pleasure or comfort.

I’m very surprised this doctor quoted in this article didn’t mention the other major issue with anal which is the increased risk of BBV ie HIV / hepatitis c with anal sex (due to the localised tears/ bleeding). It’s much more risky esp as I imagine men would be less likely to use a condom (as no risk of pregnancy). Anal STIs in general are becoming more common
Any self respecting doctor would be pointing this out imo - plus the risk of anal fissure, rectal prolapse, faecal incontinence all of which are real risks of anal sex