So it’s happened...

[Beerincomechampagnetastes]

I knew it would and I’ve been dreading how I would deal with it.
My dd has been joined in her female boarding house by a young man called George.
George up until last term was a female.
I’m concerned for George and the pupils are all lovely and he’s getting a lot of support.
But I’m confused as to why he’s in the female boarding house?
Is this normal practice for schools?

George up until last term was a female.

George is still female, so belongs in the female boarding house. This is a sensible decision on the part of the school. It shows that they take the safeguarding of girls seriously.

In your shoes, I would also be worried about the impact George’s transition might have on the other children. I think everyone here knows there is evidence to suggest social contagion.

This is my uneasiness too, particularly if George is being treated as being, in some way, special. You could counter social contagion by ensuring your child is gender critical, but then that puts them at odds with the gaslighting that's going on.

Maybe a better way is to keep any social transition at school very low key; go by the new name and pronouns if need be without any extra fuss and just see how it pans out.

Also, as some people have pointed out I worry about it being the girls who’re being put upon’ to deal with it iyswim?
The official reason that George has been placed in the girls boarding house is because there is apparently a long waiting list for the boys.
This seems questionable

Also , if it may be a mtf transition young person I can’t help feeling that they would also be put with the girls.

That hasn’t happened, but I can’t shake the worry.

George's sex is female. I don't see the issue here...

I agree the school is doing the right thing. “George” is female, however she identifies or presents, and should of course be in a female residence.
One hopes they’d take the same approach with a boy who claims to be a girl - he’d be put in the boy’s residence, and could simply wear the girls’ uniform. This is sensible safeguarding and stops any predatory male teen from falsely claiming to be trans to get into the girls’ bedrooms.

Also , if it may be a mtf transition young person I can’t help feeling that they would also be put with the girls

Yes I wondered that.

Trans boys are biologically female. But the head fuck trying to train your brain to recognise boys as girls and girls as boys...Well.its emotional.abuse aim and simple tbh

I can't imagine living on edge with pronouns and the like in that situation

Not to mention the horrific effect on the boys. Imagine being in a boarding house that has siphoned off any boy who doesn't live up to some ridiculous idea of masculinity to the girls house.

Like there are men then "other"

^^ Exactly!!

George is def where he should be, because he is a biological female.
But we’re all pretending George is there because the boys is full.

Actually this sets a precedent for any boy at that school considering transitioning, surely? They should be expected to remain in the male boarding house.

Unless of course, the trans child is given free choice, but I think you would have strong grounds to complain then. 'What's good for the goose is good for the gander' etc

What a difficult situation for the school. How do they handle other situations of body issues, poor mental health/distress and social contagion? Eating disorders in girls' schools are the obvious parallel. ED have been around for some years now. How has your school dealt with that? Will they take the same approach?

That official reason is interesting. Is George using the male changing room and toilets? If not, why not? It can't be because there's no room.

Is George playing rugby with the boys? If not, why not?

If George isn't, then someone (teachers? parents? George? ) doesn't really believe George is a boy.

Exactly timelady

George will be with girls in the same way every other girl is except everyone will use his preferred pronouns and call him a male name.

But I will not create an echo chamber for my dd. I want to encourage her critical thinking that’s why I have choosen not to limit her exposure to some of the authors.

I get that, really I do. But you expressed a concern about these authors and so I get the impression you feel there is, perhaps, a lack of balance or critical thinking in the teaching that is being provided?

I accept you can provide that balance at home, but there will be many parents who are unaware of the issues and therefore are being put at risk.

As I stated before, those of us who have a different view perhaps need to be challenging the thinking, or at least questioning it. If what you feel is correct, the school are creating an echo chamber for every single pupil. If those who see this don’t challenge it, then who will?

Of course, if a boy already at the school transitioned and was placed with the girls, then a place would have opened up in the boys boarding house to move George over into

Very true Any

I have discussed some things casually with the headmaster while watching sports.
He knows where I stand on the protection of women’s spaces. The last headmaster address he recommended Mary Beards women and power to the young people and held up the important role men had as allies to support the rights of women within society.

Maybe I need to write him an email.

It must be hard to provide that balance if your child is boarding. I can see the social contagion worry.

Sounds like George is being humoured. Maybe the school is hoping this is just a passing phase. However, if other girls opt for this too, then alarm bells would really be ringing for me.

Is George breast binding or is it just the name and pronouns?

But we’re all pretending George is there because the boys is full
The double think is incredible isn't it..They know full well George is at an increased risk in the boys room due to the presence of a vagina in a room.full of penises But we are supoosed to also believe there is no risk to the girls if a person with a penis is in the room amongst vaginas

Are the girls being compelled to use George's chosen pronouns? I would want to know how the school is handling that and if there are consequences etc. I expect the pressure of being shamed for being unkind does most of it though. Well no, I mean genuinely not wanting to be unkind, really. I guess that's the headfuck, if they're being expected to go along with it by people they respect.

George is a girl/woman. They are not a boy/man.

They feel ‘boyish’ but who the hell knows what that is. Maybe they like football and fishing and fancy girls (insert your own male stereotype here) and don’t like pink, sparkles and fluffy bunnies (insert your own female stereotype here).

Maybe we need to address stereotypes rather than say ‘yes dear whatever you say - Lord Master Destroyer of the Universe (the child formerly known as Mary). Now eat up your coco pops, grab your intergalactic blaster and get off to school.’

Why not:

“Mary - you are female - a girl. The ‘girl body’ and lack of penis is a clue. You won’t grow a beard and can’t have testicles unless you buy some and go on lifelong medication - if you stop the beard stops, simple as that. It’s a package deal. You might not feel what you think is ‘female’ but you need to think about why you think this. It’s ok really. If you were born with one leg could you just declare ‘wrong body’ and grow another?”.

And as I say to DS ‘kids sometimes talk a load of crap nonsense’.

It’s okay. The over riding message from the school is that George is female. Yes, it’s a real shame your DD should have to reconfigure reality with regard to pronouns etc but atleast she’s in the right place and everyone, George included, is safe.

I don’t know time I asked my dd that and she didn’t know.
These young people are masters at chiselling our privacy where there is very little iyswim.
The thought fills me with worry.

Teaching girls to lie and that above all the male persona is more inprotant than truth. It is dishonest.

I feel complicit in George’s inner turmoil and it’s making me feel very angry.

I don't understand why there is condemnation for this school? They are doing exactly what you want surely - segregating by sex. Yet even when they are doing what you want they are wrong??

If it were a boy who was transing you would all demand that they be kept in the boy's house, that the boys should move over to accommodate them right? So this is a girl who is transing. The school are keeping them with the girls. They are doing exactly what you are all demanding.

Why all this comment then? It seems to me that you have more of an issue with trans men and women than just the protection of women's safe spaces (which the school are maintaining).

The quickest way to nip any social contagion amongst the girls would be to insist that George used the male changing room and showers after rugby games.

However...that would mean allowing boys to abuse the system, as the school would have to allow males into female spaces too. It's quite a dilemma.