So it’s happened...

[Beerincomechampagnetastes]

I knew it would and I’ve been dreading how I would deal with it.
My dd has been joined in her female boarding house by a young man called George.
George up until last term was a female.
I’m concerned for George and the pupils are all lovely and he’s getting a lot of support.
But I’m confused as to why he’s in the female boarding house?
Is this normal practice for schools?

I too would be worried about social contagion especially in such a tight knit atmosphere.

The school however are doing the correct thing by keeping biologically female students together. I hope the child is able to access support.

The key thing I suppose is to talk to your daughter, keep the lines of communication open and equip her with the correct scientific information and critical thinking skills.

My mind, too, went to the Famous Five.

I agree with everyone that George is in the right place.

I hope george doesn’t ask for access to make spaces. I would worry for their safety in sleeping/bathing faculties.

George is identifying as male and has changed his name to a male name and everyone has been asked to use the pronouns he- him etc.

How old are your children? Unless they are very late teens it's likely George is doing no more than wearing pants and calling himself after the tomboy in famous five.

Even if he's on puberty blockers that doesn't make any big physical changes- just holds development back.

Teach your kid to be as kind and respectful to George as possible; but also teach her that being kind doesn't mean having to believe George is male.

Even if he's on puberty blockers that doesn't make any big physical changes- just holds development back.

I'd like to gently point out that keeping a growing kid's body in an artificially pre-pubertal state IS a big physical change. (Here's hoping George isn't going down that route.)

The school are being sensible.

I'll be honest, if I was a girl in that situation- at an all girls school, boarding alongside someone who was a girl last year, who we all know fits the dictionary definition of "girl", yet the teachers call this kind "he" and use "him" and "his", while we know, and we know everyone knows this is a young human female, I'd find that to be a massive headfuck.

Im prepared to accept that my autistic traits play a part but there's also the fact that everybody is lying. That's not a boy, everyone knows this but we're being forced to lie and pretend. The teachers, who we're meant to respect are gaslighting kids. I don't think it's fair for people to minimise the cognitive dissonance or ethical issues for kids who feel confused by this.

Absolutely the right thing to do. As someone who has worked in boarding schools I have been wondering what they would do in this instance. I just hope the school isn’t expected to change all its terminology around ‘girls’ boarding houses’ etc to facilitate this. Obviously the alternative (which Girl Guiding says is A OK!) is to house George with the boys and not worry at all if some of those boys are heterosexual and George is homosexual (said with gritted teeth and to be taken with a pinch of salt) and George gets pregnant.

I agree it’s a head-fuck though.

Sorry, I should've clarified that yes, I think George is in the right place, George belongs in the all girls school because George is female.

I’m too literal and would be asking George ‘but how’s that then? How? How? How do you know? How? Physically - how? HOW????’

I’ve confused even myself about the various sexualities we’d have to say people had with gender switches, but I’m sure you get my drift.

I'd only have a problem if the school started to play all that shit like installing "Gender neutral toilets" when they're all flipping female,
And referring to everyone as "young people" instead of women or girls, referring to "people who menstruate" instead of women, or "cervix-havers" instead of women/girls and gaslighting them during sex education.

So if we follow the direction that certain organisations and charities are heading...

George the biological female will be asked to leave and join a boys boarding house.

^ def the right choice though.
Seeing as something like 80% grow out of it during puberty. You wouldn't want a young woman (identifying as male) permanently removed from her friendship and support group for no reason.

I'd like to gently point out that keeping a growing kid's body in an artificially pre-pubertal state IS a big physical change.

You are right; to be clear I meant from the PoV of other people- PBs do not create any concern for another child living with them (i.e. the greater muscle development and possible aggression that taking testosterone would).

I too do not like the idea of PBs until someone is legally old enough to make that choice. The physical risks are believed to be low; but are also poorly understood. More importantly it creates a pathway which usually leads to cross sex hormones, with much greater negative effects.

When I really think about it - what's in a name? I too am thinking of George in Famous five.

No issues with clothes, wear what you want.

This child is still in a girls boarding school.

I think this is fine.

Yeah the pronoun this is silly but I'd rather this young person was safe than get annoyed over that.

What I'd be very worried about is chest binding and blocker drugs.

I've talked to my eleven year old about how to be kind to a person without having to agree with them. George is a girl, and the other girls have a tricky job now navigating how to be kind to her without agreeing that she's a boy.

I don't envy them that, but I'd be fighting the school if they were forcing my child to participate in a lie under threat of official sanctions.

The issue is that transmen do not often demand to use men's spaces, but that trans-women often demand to use women's spaces. Of course George is in the right space (female), but how do you feel when a female identifying boy insists on this? How would you feel when that same boy is lodged with other boys? It's all a total mind fuck all right. And all about the men.

A biological boy should be housed with other boys. There’s no mindfuck here; theschoolare doing the right thing in segregating the children by sex.

I'll be honest, if I was a girl in that situation- at an all girls school, boarding alongside someone who was a girl last year, who we all know fits the dictionary definition of "girl", yet the teachers call this kind "he" and use "him" and "his", while we know, and we know everyone knows this is a young human female, I'd find that to be a massive headfuck.

^^
This

I’m happy that everyone has supported that they believe the school has done the right thing. I place a lot of faith in them and they have appeared to be quite sensible in their approach thus far.
I am not anti trans. I am pro women and have had many concerns about how spaces for women and are being protected.
My first port of concern is first and foremost for George.
I have had concerns about authors the school has had visiting and talking to pupils. I have discussed my beliefs with my daughter (who is 13 btw to the people who asked), she knows my concerns about self id etc.
I have chosen to never request my dd to be removed from any author talk because I don’t believe in regulating or controlling her information.
I’m not sure why I posted tbh. Im just looking for some guidance on something that makes me very worried .

Thanks to everyone who has posted

It’s all helpful

I agree the school is doing the right thing.

However, playing Devil's advocate here:

If George REALLY believes they are a boy, why do they want to remain in a girls' only environment?

George is in the right place.

However I do see how it's a complete head fuck as you say.

I disagree with the gaslighting of children this way.

It's so important that children feel.abke to speak up to a trusted adult and those trusted adults are creating situations where they are not being truthful and the kids won't trust them.

It's disastrous

I have had concerns about authors the school has had visiting and talking to pupils. I have discussed my beliefs with my daughter (who is 13 btw to the people who asked), she knows my concerns about self id etc.
I have chosen to never request my dd to be removed from any author talk because I don’t believe in regulating or controlling her information.

This is complicated isn’t it. In other circumstances where you felt unsuitable information was being given, would you challenge it?

If you are feeling pressured into no challenging because of the potential for being accused of bigotry/transphobia, then there is a significant problem.

Tough though it is, I think we have to speak up if we feel something is badly wrong, however difficult it might be.

In your shoes, I would also be worried about the impact George’s transition might have on the other children. I think everyone here knows there is evidence to suggest social contagion.

I am def worried about social contagion.
It my biggest concern at the moment tbh. George is getting lots of attention and support it’s very alluring for young people to be ting fenced and protected by their peers and school staff.

I have very robust conversations with my dd and am not shy with my concerns, I’m most def ‘out and have had to deal with negative responses. I give not a jot. It’s a hill I’m willing to die on. But I will not create an echo chamber for my dd. I want to encourage her critical thinking that’s why I have choosen not to limit her exposure to some of the authors.