Surname change after marriage

[CalmDownPacino]

This probably seems trivial but is really bothering me and I don't have the right responses to people! Getting married in a few weeks, am not changing my name. Some people have asked if I'm changing my name and I've said no. The responses I get are mainly "well you'll still legally be Mrs Blah even if you pretend not to be". As far as I know this isn't true but I don't know if I'm right, nor do I have the right reply when people say this to me. As I said, I know it's no biggie but it's really irritating me.

They're talking rubbish. Your name remains as it is unless you change it

You maintain the legal right to both names. But if you don't update any documentation then it's largely irrelevant anyway. Just ignore the twats.

Your name remains legally the same unless you actively change it by taking in your documentation and doing so.

I’d be inclined to play the innocent and ask them to find the relevant law as the lawyer who did you prenup (just to fuck with them a bit more!) must have got it wrong, and you’d find it ever so useful if they could look it uo so you can show them....

I think legally you can call yourself either.

Your name is your name unless you change it.

Marriage doesn’t change a legal name it’s just that some women decide to change their names after marriage.

The default is for the woman’s name to be unchanged just like a mans.

Thanks for replying everyone. Im glad to hear that I am right! I've even had people telling me "well we are going to call you Mrs ..... anyway".

There is no automatic name change when you get married.

If someone says 'Well I'm going to call you Mrs X anyway' reply with 'Fine, Karen. I will call you Nancy'

I’d go with something more offensive than Nancy, but that sounds like the best idea! I enter into no conversations about things like this with relatives. The fact yours asked if you are changing your name suggests they know it isn’t required. If they are his relatives then say your dh to be is thinking of changing his, that will annoy them more.

Nobody has ever said this to me and I've been married a long time.

If anyone asks you why, turn it back on them and ask 'why not?' or 'why not husband to be?'

Men don't have to give it much thought or answer questions about it. Why should we?

I’m still Miss despite being married a few years. Would like to shun a title altogether, but as it stands I’m still miss as DH is still MR

You should be proud to take your husbands name. Shows how much you love him

Marriage is the pinnacle of a womans achievement and of course people are going to call you mrs dhname rather than dr yourname. You not changing your name is disrepectful to them, as it shows you don’t value their marriages and their use of mrs husbands name to announce to everyone they meet that they have been chosen for marriage.

I have been known to give post addressed to “mr & mrs dhname” to the in laws. As it is exclusively dh’s relatives that insist on addressing us in this way. My family, school, dr’s, even church all manage to address me correctly. Even my 80 year old aunts.

@reallyanotherone i cant tell if you are being sarcastic???

what is wrong with people - you can change your name if you want to

If someone says 'Well I'm going to call you Mrs X anyway' reply with 'Fine, Karen. I will call you Nancy'

but also, great idea!

It’s really interesting isn’t it how much a woman is always expected to change. And Indeed how most women do. Not judging, my feminist friends have all changed theirs and given their kids their dads surname. All of them.

I’m the only one who hasn’t, and my kids have my surname. I honestly didn’t think I’d be the only one and now worry a little that my kids will think I’m some over domineering mum. I know my ex certainly likes to give them that impression!

I guess I’m saying that nothing changes unless a few of us question the status quo. And by doing so, we will provoke. People will comment.

I didn’t keep my name to be very publicly feminist. I kept it because, well why not? And my kids, well why should they automatically have their dads name and not mine? Although if they’d really wanted to, I’d have been fine.

So keep going. People will be uncomfortable and will chide you. It’s because you think for yourself. It’s challenging to others. But very good for us all.

Romanov re-read the whole post. Of course she is being sarcastic!

If someone says 'Well I'm going to call you Mrs X anyway' reply with 'Fine, Karen. I will call you Nancy'

I like this! I always doubt myself that's the trouble. I have these raging feminist feelings about all sorts but lack the confidence to back myself up.

Appreciate people taking the time to reply

Even the florist yesterday commented! She was taking my details and said so what are you now and what will you be called after. When I said "the same", she responded "ooh unusual". I was thinking no it's not, I've got a bloody name! Why is his dad's name the 'real' name and my dad's name isn't.

The traditional position is that Mary Jones married to John Smith is Mary Jones comma Mrs John Smith.

Marriage is enough to prove a change of name at law (you don’t need to do deed poll or anything) but it isn’t in and of itself a change of name. It’s also not unusual for women to not change their names either.

'If someone says 'Well I'm going to call you Mrs X anyway' reply with 'Fine, Karen. I will call you Nancy''

Love it

Bloody good for you for keeping your name. It's YOUR NAME, why on earth would you change it? They're all talking crap about the automatic name change thing as well

Who the fuck are these rude and ignorant people in your life?!

Family, colleagues....random florists!

Everyone seems to think it's terrible we will all have different names, as my daughter has my first husband's surname.

I just say “ Neither of us changed our names when we got married “.

Followed by my Paddington hard stare.