Surname change after marriage

[CalmDownPacino]

This probably seems trivial but is really bothering me and I don't have the right responses to people! Getting married in a few weeks, am not changing my name. Some people have asked if I'm changing my name and I've said no. The responses I get are mainly "well you'll still legally be Mrs Blah even if you pretend not to be". As far as I know this isn't true but I don't know if I'm right, nor do I have the right reply when people say this to me. As I said, I know it's no biggie but it's really irritating me.

If a man wants to change his name on marriage or either party want to double-barrel, they need a deed poll

This is no longer true. A marriage certificate is sufficient now

I'm not sure it was ever true.

Any one know if you were stupid enough to adopt an ex twunt"s name when you married, what you can do when you're divorced?

Exactly the same process - except with your decree of divorce. Probably easiest to change passport and driving licence first and then show it to bank etc.

It is striking how many of the young English footballers doing so well have hyphenated names: Hudson-Odoi, Maitland-Nies, Gibbs-White, Carter-Vickers etc.

You wonder where this is leading with marriage and kids. Quad-Barrelled is a Gatling Gun.

I didn’t change my name.
Dc have both our surnames.
No problems at all except one or two relatives who address envelopes to us as just his surname.

Dim: yes you can use your birth name any tie you like. Some people use a birth name alongside a married name for work etc, anyway.
You might need to show birth certificate to change a bank accountant etc.

Anyone can use any name they want as long as it is not for fraudulent purpose.

Congratulations to JSmitty for introducing one of the ‘name change double barrelling’ Bingo points.

When you see people with lists of 4 and 8 names in the next generation, do come back and let us know.

If we don’t hear from you we will assume that they did as their own parents did and decided on their own choice and best way forward for them. And chose from a range of options open to them.

Everyone in Spain - and most other Spanish speaking countries - has a double barrelled name. They seem to manage OK.

I know someone with a 5 barreled name (father's v posh side). They have the full surname on birth certificate and last two on daily documents and life. They've had that surname for about 7 generations. If v rich people can manage to cope so can the rest of us.

Becles how do you end up with 5 surnames? I know it means poshness but I don’t know how/why.

Here is - Montagu Stuart Worley- Hunt.

Lady Rowena married and later divorced she has 2 children, Somerset Carlton Gerald Montagu Stuart Wortley-Hunt born 1987 and Fleur Aline Isabel Montagu Stuart Wortley-Hunt born 1989.

www.wharncliffeestates.co.uk/history-stuart-montagu-wortley-mackenzie-family/

OP: ask your dim family and colleagues if they think that when two men marry they both ‘legally ‘ become the name of the other, I. E. Swap surnames?
And ask them what they think happens ‘legally’ when 2 women marry, with no man’s name to take

WH1SPERS I am very much looking forward to using your line: ‘Neither of us changed our names when we got married’ It is inspired!

I didn’t take my DH’s name. I LOVE my name, even more so since my dad died. DS has my surname as a one middle name and I had the final say on his first name which is from the same country as my dad was, and he has my FIL’s first name as his other middle name. To me that makes it feel like it all fits together nicely with both sides of the family intertwined.

DH would have preferred me to have taken his name and there was a moment when I nearly did but I found the whole thing v upsetting and he said it was more important that I was happy. We have had the odd comment (mainly the in laws). BIL even randomly said that I couldn’t truly love my DH if I kept my name. (WTF!?)

🙂
Don’t forget it must be accompanied by the Paddington hard stare to stop then responding “ oh but blah blah blah blah blah “ .

Well that’s what it sounds like to me.

I need to practice the Paddington hard stare! That I am less good at...

I know it’s hard, we have all been trained to “ be nice “ and justify our existence and life choices to anyone who asks .

MN has helped me so much in this.

My long term goal is to stop caring so much about what other people think. Tricky in a small village! Paddington stare practice will definitely help

I don’t think the marriage name changing matters as much as the children’s surnames.

I’d hate to have a different name to my dcs.

Even the feminist women who do t change their names 99% of the time give their dcs the dads surname.

DD is half me and half DH. She shares a surname with him and has mine as a middle name. I couldn’t care less about sharing a name with her (and double barrelling 2 3 syllable surnames wasn’t an issue). She has clear links to both of us and her extended family this way, and she likes that.

I’d hate to have a different name to my dcs

I like it. It feels like it retains my identity separate from the children.

It also means dh gets dumped with a lot of the “wifework” as if other parents, sports coaches etc want to contact a parent via social media they recognise his name, so he gets all the friend requests and messages about organising x, y and z :)

As others have said, I’m pretty sure your name stays the same unless you decide to change it - there’s no automatic change the second you say “I do”! And if people are going to insist on calling you Mrs HusbandsName even though you’re keeping your name, they are weapons grade idiots
I made the choice to change my name to DH’s when I got married, purely because my maiden name is difficult for English people to spell and pronounce - I got sick of spelling it out and correcting people. I was thrilled to have a new last name with only 4 letters and a single syllable

Nobody's name changes automatically on marriage. How would that even work?

Travelling with D.C. who have a different surname is fine. Seriously. I've done it dozens and dozens of times and I've been asked to show a photocopy of the birth certificate about 4 times. Once I forgot it and they asked him if I was his mum and he said yes. No biggie

I had this. Got married didn't change name until we had children (more hassle to stay the same than to change).

I justified nothing. I simply did not continue the conversation at all.

Person criticises my choice or says they will still call me Mrs MrTowel and I made a non-commital grunting noise with a slightly bored looking raised eyebrow then changed the subject.

Person asks a question about it and no matter what the question is I say "It works for us" or "We're not bothered" in a slightly bored tone then change the subject.

If they keep going on about it then you have to make it about them "Why are you so obsessed with this?" "I already told you we aren't bothered about that so why are you so stressed?" "If it becomes a problem we can change our minds. Why do you have such a problem with that?"

Historical angle good with the elderly traditional relatives who cannot let it lie. "I guess it was different when you were young Ethel. What changed upon marriage for women when you and your friends were marrying?" Make sure you have a big cup of tea l, a comfy seat and biscuits ready before using that one.

didn't change name until we had children (more hassle to stay the same than to change).

Huh?

People just seem to love inventing the law when it comes to this issue. Even a couple of the posts on this thread are an illustration of that. Neither men nor women legally require a marriage certificate or a deed poll to change their names, married or not, and the law is the same for both sexes. Frankly this topic makes the general public's level of knowledge on the rights of spouses v cohabitants look positively substantial.

Travelling with D.C. who have a different surname is fine

Well exactly. I see this a lot yet it completely ignores blended families and re- marriages where a spouse has changed her (or his name) on a subsequent marriage. The children of a first marriage aren't going to change their names.

Or you can just keep your name and give the children your surname, like me!

No problems travelling whatsoever.

Thanks @icedpurple I have been surprised and dismayed too and how few women keep their names, and how even fewer children have the mothers name.

What also surprises me is how many woman I know who aren’t honest with themselves. Even on this thread there’s a
I’d hate to have a different surname to my children. as a reason to change to husbands name. Why wouldn’t you even consider that your kids could have the woman’s surname? It’s so ingrained that question is not even asked. Even of ourselves.