Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

[TinselAngel]

The previous thread is nearly full, so here is a shiny new one.

I'm thrilled that this took off enough to merit a second thread.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason.

It'd be nice if,for once, the program was actually about the wives.

Maybe a fly on the wall documentary where we all get together,get pissed and swap stories.

Another non-widow sending support. If my husband wanted to transition our marriage would be over. I don't think it's really about them wanting to be a woman it's all about playing with superficial femininity and autogynephilia. I rarely wear make up and am often in trousers and have similar hobbies to my husband. If he wanted to be a woman like me then he wouldn't have to change very much.
If he wanted to be "a woman" it wouldn't be me he had in mind though and I would find the female caricature he would try to portray offensive, irritating and very unsexy.

2rebecca, my ex started out dressing more androgynous, but now is full-on femme, which works about as well as you would think for someone who is built like an American football player. She has a small group of real life friends and an online community telling her how brave she is and how wonderful she looks. But over time, many of her friends have left her because all she talks about is makeup and her trans struggle.

I wish I had left the marriage earlier. All I can say is that over time, it is getting easier for me. I'm working on the issues that caused me to stay married to a narcissist for so long.

But it is appalling how all of us trans widows are telling the exact same story.

Story here:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6697289/Couple-renews-wedding-vows-sex-couple-husband-transitions.html

Neil had wife and four young sons, all with ASD.

Neil has now had a nose job, boob job, 'gender confirmation surgery', and a second wedding in a white dress, now as Samantha.

So stunning, brave, etc.

These relentlessly positive stories are so damaging to other women who feel trapped in this situation.

It must make them feel like a failure if they can't not only put up with it, but celebrate how brave and stunning their partner is.

And we all know here that this won't be the full story. All the lies and the boundary pushing will have happened to this wife, just like it happened to us.

*Neil had wife and four young sons, all with ASD.

Neil has now had a nose job, boob job, 'gender confirmation surgery', and a second wedding in a white dress, now as Samantha*

That poor woman. Four kids with special needs; leaving won't be easy and now her husband decides to focus on this.

How's it going @StartAgainat60 ?

Hi Tinsel
Feeling ok.
Lonely on Friday/Saturday night.
But have def made the right decision to move On.
Feeling far less anxious, Without a permanent pest hanging around.
Good luck to everyone.
Can't help but feel sorry for the wives who can't find a way out.
(I'm not the one to talk, I put up with crap for many years)

Hey Start that's great news. Hang on in there. There are particularly tough times of the day/week/year but you are already reaping the benefits of being decisive. Well done you My eldest now says she might want to see her dad, both my kids having cut him off completely. Find myself rather taken aback and thinking 'how can she condone his behaviour by seeing him?'... don't get me wrong, I know they need to do what helps them and I will totally support her but privately feel a bit derailed. How do you all deal with them still aeeing the kids after a load of bad behaviour?

I'm glad you're finding your feet Start.

Social, my DD has always seen her Dad, despite whatever his current fuckwittery might be. I just see her relationship with him as completely separate to mine.

Mind you my ex's behaviour has been on the milder end of the range described in these threads..

I have done the thing you are meant to do (didn't involve them in conflict, didn't lean on them for support, didn't badmouth him or let them know the full extent of his lies/broken agreements/money crap)... I guess for all women in this position you then have to tolerate your kids thinking they weren't that bad.

Well I've tried to do all that too Social but I don't always succeed.^^

DD refused to see her Dad for over a year but then agreed to short contacts daytime only with a list of what is and isn't ok to be worn. A year on she's settled into it although she's been dumped for 2-3 months while Daddy recovers from "gender confirmation surgery" which involves much clutching of pearls and lying on chaise longues I imagine.

Anyway, my stance is, I must support DD in her choice and be there to catch her when things go tits up as they inevitably will. Once a narc abuser, always a narc abuser. I stay grey as a rock and avoid any direct contact to preserve my safety and sanity.

I'm in awe of the transwidows on this thread. Have a or two . Genuinely stunning and bloody brave the lot of you.

The newsspeak of the phrase "gender confirmation surgery" makes me stabby.

Found my partner reading the article being passed around on another thread about the guy (transwoman) who bugs his crushes to tell him why they won't sleep with him. They all lie obviously because they feed him some vague story about how they "just don't know" and he whines a lot about how he desperately wants straight men to sleep with him. My partner talks to me a lot about wanting a straight man's love as well and if I tell him this feels alienating to me he has a screaming, pillow pounding outburst so I learned years ago not to express how hurtful it is that he obviously is gay and wants to be with a man. But he doesn't want a gay relationship, because he is homophobic, he wants a straight man to treat him like he imagines straight men treat women, some hearts and flowers Barbie doll princess fantasy. It's more ironic because in 15 years he has only brought me flowers once because he "feels bad for the flowers because they die for nothing".
Sorry just ranting, also saw this bit of tripe so I'll just leave this here:

theestablishment.co/japanese-cartoon-porn-helped-me-understand-my-trans-identity-d5bba16cdaf3/

"Many trans women in my community with whom I’ve spoken have expressed similar feelings about futa and “trap” comics — about boys who are girlish enough to “trap” straight men into having sex with them. "

You don't say.

Older, I could cry reading your posts. He is torturing you.

That's awful Older. Why can't they see how self-absorbed they are and that it's incredibly hurtful to their partner (who they are supposed to love) to say and do things like that? I'm furious on your behalf!

I guess I am numb to it after all this time, I can't even muster any real feeling up about it now, it's just nice to have somewhere I can admit this is happening and nice to see some place you can talk about this openly. I have had my mouth shut about this stuff for years.

Did you manage to read Lundy Bancroft?

Do keep coming here so you can have some outlet.

OMG....thank you TinselAngel for finding me. I thought I'd gone nuts! Why are we the invisible victims? When did it become acceptable to become a Narcistic Prick or now prickless. PC correctness has gone mad. So many people have said well maybe he's happy now while my gut wrenches and silently screams as I look at my four children and in a way feel guilty for my bad choices.

It's terrible Helen, that he's going on the telly to talk about his experiences. You must feel so exposed. You've no control now over who knows and who doesn't.

(Other Trans Widows- Helen's ex husband is going to be on "The Making of Me" documentary.

My ex is massively indiscreet on social media. I've always thought this will be an embarrassment to my DD at some point.

The "stunning and brave" narrative about our ex's is used so much now it's become a cliché. I am heartened though that it has started to be chipped away at. Did you hear the recent interview with a trans widow on Woman's Hour?

I'm guessing like with all of us, the trans issues were the least of the problem in your marriage in some ways? It's the lying, the pressure, the boundary pushing and the gaslighting.

Many for you and also a bucket load of

Woman's Hour link

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p06xvbsc

With mine it was the cheating and yes with women!!!! So now I'm married to a lesbian who had very little interest in love making and in fact claimed that I had raped him for 22 years of our marriage and if he'd had his choice our 2 youngest wouldn't be here. He also said it wasn't his fault these women chased him!!!!@ btw my husband is Kevin now Karen.......Can I curse on here?