Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

[TinselAngel]

The previous thread is nearly full, so here is a shiny new one.

I'm thrilled that this took off enough to merit a second thread.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason.

Thanks for all the support
Meeting went well.
He',s moved out.
Estate Agents booked for this week.
Can't believe the calm and relief I now feel.
Brighter future ahead!.
Thank you all so much. You've helped me get to this point.
Good luck to everyone

Well done you.
What strength us biological women have!

That's brilliant Start.

It feels great when your emotional well being is in your own hands and not somebody else's doesn't it?

So I’m sitting in the waiting room for marriage therapy. It’s not really going to save our marriage unless he does a 180 back to who he was. I don’t have much hope for that. We went separate into the room. He apparently told her he just wants to be accepted. I asked her, who is now asking him what that means. Seriously I’m supposed to “accept” you and who you’ve become, but you don’t accept me and what I believe and have always. It’s a load of crap for sure! Poor transgender baby wants the world to love him and accept him. He lost that from me when he went behind my back, lied and basically had an “affair” with himself. He’s got mental issues for sure, but I think gender dysphoria is the least of these!

Thanks Tinsel and Social.
One of the first mornings I've woken up not crying!.
Need to move on and Start Again.
Hopefully find some normality in life.
Sorry you are going through this Kitkat. Been there and life looks so much better when you're out the other side.
Think about your own mental well-being

"Accept" Kitkat = comply.

I couldn't imagine a future through that looking glass of having an "out" trans partner, where I could be anything other than miserable.

One thing I remember thinking is how I'd be thrust into the LGBT scene, but would be there under false pretences. It's fine, but it's not my world.

I think to stay with a trans partner one would have to be their biggest cheerleader rather than being able to do it grudgingly. Always fighting somebody else's battle with a smile painted on my face? No thanks.

Help Tinsel
Can't stop crying.
I hate, hate, hate my b###ard husband.
Couple of close family members have been good but I am suffering being home alone.
Unbelievable the distress they put us through.
They become a stranger, so cold when you speak to them. Well you couldn't Accept me, so p:-$ offWashed away 28 years together. What does that mean =mental illness

It's perfectly normal @StartAgainat60. It's very early days- you will want to cry. Go easy on yourself. You at grieving a terrible loss. At least now you can cry whenever you want. I cried so many times in secret in the bath while my ex and I were together.

What normally helps you when you're down? One thing that worked for me after losing my Dad was starting a long TV box set so I never had to think about what to do in an evening. I'd watch a couple of episodes of the Sopranos.

After my last relationship breakdown, meditation helped, I had a meditation app with meditations for difficult times, and one particularly helpful one said about how your current troubles are clouds passing across the sky. They are not the whole sky.

Be kind to yourself. You may well be worse for a short period before you feel better

Thanks
Just having a horrible wobble. It will pass.
Gym morning with friends tomorrow, and yes I agree with meditation sessions.
Just off to run a bath, glass of wine on the side with some candles.
Thanks for being there

Hello Start. All your feelings are entirely okay and normal! You will be up and down for a long time. This is complex living bereavement at the worst possible time in terms of gender politics. It always passes. It improves over time. And it is helped by all that self-care, talking, support, distraction, pragmatism, focus and taking it a step at a time. These men are on the whole complete b***ds to their loved ones but the loved ones survive, and eventually thrive. Hang on in there. Don't panic. Oh and I left wine off the list... definitely contributed to my survival....

Gin is also good.

and for all of you brave ladies. I'd started away from this thread until as it felt like it was yours only and of course it is but reading through it has been shocking and necessary I think to understand the full picture.

The story & picture of Favia I have almost no words and certainly none I am allowed to say here

Hope today was a better day Start.

StartAgainat60 I went to every free event I could find locally, just to get out of the house and my own head. Or just a walk in the park. At first I had no interest in anything, it took a while to get that back.
Its like divorce plus bereavement.

Crying a lot.
No going back......
It passes.
Trying to keep busy with family and friends.
Keep moving forward (somehow)

It is so like divorce plus bereavement. A double whammy of grief. I cried so much for weeks, having my sister to talk to really helped (she knew most of the story as it went along, unlike everyone else). Later, lots of people came to my side to support me when they saw what an arrogant narcissist he was, deep down. and for those who are going through it now - you will be okay.

Just letting you know that there are very many women reading this with their metaphorical arms around you all.

We don't all post, because your experiences are unique to you and we don't want to make assumptions or presume.

But we're here. Loads of us.

Power to you ladies/women.

You deserve to be happy. You will get there. Find the things that make life fun. Ebrace the things that you laugh. I'm not a trans widow but I've had anxiety and I realise am coming out of some mild depression which has affected life for about two years, and affected my health.

Having been eating very unhealthy for years I am noe on a healthy diet (for me, I am diabetic), have trans 'issues' in the family (not dh) and learn frequently just now important respite is! So whether it's a nice meal, a hearty belly laugh at a brilliant TV show or a long chat with a good friend; it doesn't take away the issues but it energizes the mind (and sometimes the body too) for the next step.

Keeping our minds healthy is so vital. Do the things that make you happy as much and as often as you can.

XX

Great MNet support out there. Thanks.
Feeling a bit more together. One big difference is not waking up crying, as I have done for many years. (Life goes on). Couldn't see a way out before but I'm starting to see more clearly!!
Long talks with friends helps. (But am reluctant to tell the the real reason why we split). So hard to find the words.
Anyway, keeping busy.
House hunting soon for a small property just for ME.

Yes many us stand with you. I am not sure if that even helps but we are there anyway

This looks like a 'stunning & brave' whitewash

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8375828/making-of-me-wife-transgender-husband-married-35-years/

C4 on Monday

Yes beware. 8 Monday evenings starting this week of, I suspect, 8 happy endings. Relative called me to warn me that the trailer is 'in your face' (happy couples kissing because they loved the inner person...) in case my child watches C4 over the next few days. I can't bear to watch. Blurb says it also covers the impact on partners but I will quite literally eat my sofa cushions if there is a single unhappy, non accepting middle-aged woman among the 8. Apart from anything else they couldn't be filmed as they might face rape/death threats for being a TERF...no, really. So if any of you can face it do let us know.

What Datun said.

socialworker222 I suspect there is at least one unhappy wife (from the trailer).

It does frustrate me that there will be lots of different stories but all under the heading of trans. But I bet not one de-transitioner.