Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

[TinselAngel]

The previous thread is nearly full, so here is a shiny new one.

I'm thrilled that this took off enough to merit a second thread.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason.

"Kink shaming" is bollocks.

It's as though nobody cares how bloody offensive this whole thing is. I can't imagine it being okay to dress up as an offensive stereotype linked to any other group of people and have that behaviour supported and minimised as 'a kink'.

That poster is starting a lot of threads on similar topics.

I tried to register on depend.org but their moderator hasn't been in touch to vet me yet. Maybe my reputation proceeds me...

With regards the psychologist's point about guilt making them form a shell, maybe they have a point. I used to wonder how my ex went from engaged husband and father, to appearing to feel no guilt about the situation at all.

This thread has disappeared from my "Threads I'm on" and "watched threads". Is it the same for everybody or is it just me?

TinselAngel
This thread has disappeared from my "Threads I'm on" and "watched threads". Is it the same for everybody or is it just me?
I never post here but I watch this thread and it's still on my 'Watched threads' list because I've just checked. Could it be something to do with your browser?
While I'm here, to you and all the brave women who post here. Your support for each other is eye-opening and inspiring.

Thanks. That's ok then it's a glitch at my end, so nothing sinister!

thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2017/11/50-shades-of-gaslighting-the-disturbing-signs-an-abuser-is-twisting-your-reality/

Article about Hadley

FFS! Pressed send too soon: Article about gaslighting, posted by R0wantrees on another thread, but which may be relevant to people on here.

Still no reply to my request to join the depend.org discussion board. I just had a look at their Facebook page, and well, you can draw your own conclusions...
m.facebook.com/DependSupport

Wow. This looks like just another trans lobby group and very focused on trans people. Nothing like their website pages on being partner-focused. I'd love to know how that works re. being genuinely neutral (duh of course they're not)...

Yes lots of mermaid supporting stuff and petitions for increased funding for GIC and puberty blockers with articles about how much happier the kids are now their Dad is a woman.

twitter.com/SourPatches2077/status/1142121385327620096

Excuse the intrusion, but I thought some of you might want to read this thread from a detrans woman about acknowledging the effect her transition had on her loved ones.

Hi all you awesome Transwidows.
I have a situation I need help with.
Young adult son has just spent his first weekend with his Trans father and has found it very uncomfortable (to say the least).
DS was home with me last night and we had a brief discussion followed by him getting upset.
Can you give advice as to how your children have come through the god awful news that their once devoted father is now living as a woman!!
Appreciate your thoughts

Bloody hell Lang, you don't have to tiptoe around like it's a church! Thanks for sharing that. It's interesting, although I note it's a female detransitioner. I wonder if a male has ever expressed such regret?

Start, it was different for me as DD was/is a child. In your situation I'd say to take a complete step back. The relationship between your ex and your son is between them. You can't control it and you can't make it better. Don't get drawn into trying to smooth things over, you've no doubt done enough of that in the past.

I think we have to accept we can't make things better and allow our children's fathers to make their own mistakes and to bear the consequences. Getting out of the habit of trying to contain and minimise the issue is very difficult, but it's liberating once you manage it.

You could encourage your son to have counselling so he can talk to a neutral party maybe?

Hi Start. It helped my teenagers to know they could choose whether/when/how/if to see their father. Or not. And that I would support them whatever and at any time they changed their mind. Also helped them to know that lots of children, partners and families found it sad/upsetting/shocking/horrible and not readily okay. Counselling is a great idea. Just accepting however he feels us valid and being a rock for him. No ideology or 'should' s, no shame or pressure. I would approach him as you would with any other upset... With being there, letting him know however he feels is okay, and keeping an eye on him. It's such a shame there are no support groups that are neutral. My kids feel so isolated not being happy or accepting, and so ashamed of being thought intolerant if they were 'found out'. But he has you and you can be reliable and solid and loving. It's must have been very hard for you to see him so upset. But they survive.

Thanks Tinsel
I thought the same, the situation has to be between them, but it is so hard.
Will suggest counseling.

I try to think of it as like any difficult situation they are in. You can't make it okay for him, or control how his father handles it. But you can provide a sanctuary where its safe to feel anything, say how you feel, or be upset. And where things can be just normal and the same, and a break from having to deal with it. That is enough. The consequences are so much his responsibility. You have enough to do keeping your sanity and health, and looking after your household.

Yes I've always felt it was important that our home is the place where my DD can be herself and say what she truly thinks and feels about the situation without shame or embarrassment.

Hi social
I appreciate your response.
DS sending message to let him know he's not comfortable around all that femme attire. Upset passes and we have to move on.
I have made the absolute 100% best decision to have nothing to do with my very distasteful ex.
Thanks for being there xx

You're never on your own with this crap, thanks to this thread

Sorry if this had been shared before, it's from 2012, The Guardian. It would never be published today.
It seems a classic story
amp.theguardian.com/society/2012/nov/02/my-husbands-sex-change?__twitter_impression=true

If anyone hasn't read Christine Benvenuto's book, it's very good.

Ah. They don't want me on depend.org. I was accepted and did a short intro post, I thought I'd better be up front and say I was coming from a gender critical standpoint, but this led them to decide their forum isn't for me.

Fair enough, that's their prerogative. Anybody who finds their approach does not work for them is welcome over here.

It is a Yahoo group so can only be seen by its members. Any lurkers who don't feel able to post here due to Mumsnet public nature might find that helpful.

And of course a PP has already said she has found their forum useful.

So it seems like there's still a gap in the market for a support group that is truly independent of trans organisations and focussed on the needs of female wives / partners.