Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

[TinselAngel]

The previous thread is nearly full, so here is a shiny new one.

I'm thrilled that this took off enough to merit a second thread.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason.

Apologies if that's depressing!

I'm still amused about Pat Butcher.

Tinsel it's not depressing it's the truth. What has been depressing is knowing deep down something is very very wrong but being forced to pretend it's actually all okay. This isn't 'just clothes' or 'a bit of fun' or 'a bit of kink' it's an addiction. If you get tricked into marrying an AGP then you, your finances even your children will come second to that addiction. It's refreshing to be able to tell the truth and hear the truth about this with none of the bullshit.

Giving this thread a bump now that TinselAngel has pointed out that it can get a bit lonely here and emotional support from other posters might help

I wonder why they're all so terrible with money? I'm not a psychologist but something to do with poor impulse control and a huge sense of entitlement I suppose.

Sorry, I forgot to say, it's really interesting to hear your story Haz. Thanks for posting

And Last, being a bisexual in that situation must be even worse as I should think you're (unfairly) expected to put up with even more boundary pushing

Tinsel you are 100% correct. DH has a fixation on lesbians (they exist purely for the entertainment of men of course and wouldn't mind a creep like DH being creepy around them ) I also get to enjoy being told the answer to all my woes is to have 'lesbian sex' when

a: Im not a lesbian.
b: He's a man in a dress so not a lesbian

It sounds funny but it isn't. It's just shit and I hate that it's happening to me. It's alienated almost every single supportive relationship I had because in reality nobody wants to hang around with a creep and I'm stuck with him so guilty by association. Got myself upset now .

And if you were a lesbian you wouldn't have been with him in the first place.

You've decided you're leaving though? Can you do it sooner rather than later?

Sorry it's so isolating for you Last. Remember this community has your back.

Everyone who reads this thread sends you love and positive vibes. We have your backs.

Last you don't have to be stuck with him. You can end all forms of relationship with him if you choose.

It doesn't sound funny at all, Lasttobe, it sounds absolutely shit.

What has to happen before you can leave @Lasttobepickedatgames ?

I'm stuck for financial reasons. I wouldn't be able to provide a home for me and the kids by myself at the minute. I'm not stuck indefinitely though. I've got a plan to stick to. The situation got the better of me last night which I'm sorry about. Much stronger today though. Thank you.

Why are you sorry last? Don't be sorry for having moments of clarity.

You have a bright future because you have decided not to tolerate the intolerable.

Have you properly explored the financial options if you leave? Tax credits, for example, can be god send.

Sending my support to you all. Not in your situation at all but have been reading about the issues you face and I think you're all incredibly brave in how you keep going when the person you trusted rips your family apart. These men seem the epitomy of selfishness and self indulgence. to all you women and wishing you strength.

I make a point of following this thread as its helpful for my own situation. But sometimes I read it and it utterly breaks my heart because at least I didn't have the same obstacles to being able to walk away.

I wonder what it will take, for one - just one - female politician to break ranks and acknowledge the mere existence of you all and how this is a form of abuse of women. Of which politicians are actively complicit and apologists for.

Last said "In a weird way my private life (having my boundaries pushed and gaslighted) mirrors what's happening in society right now."

That's how I've felt. The whole TWAW debate was played out on a 1:1 scale in my marital home.

I have to say when I started these threads I had no idea that nearly every woman contributing would be married to an AGP. I do wonder what the "AGP has been debunked" crowd would say if they read this thread. In a way I can understand it being difficult for people to accept because the reality is so far from the current prevailing narrative on this.

popstar I could end all forms of relationship with DH, that is the ultimate plan. If I did that right now I would lose the house and have to rely on insecure accommodation. I would be unable to work in my current job and (If I could find work that tied in with school hours) it would be significantly less pay. The dog would have to be re homed and the two children would be up rooted. I totally respect other people in my situation would make different choices to me however I've made a decision based on financial and housing security for me and the children. DH is on the sofa and we split shifts so he comes in when I go out iyswim.

You'll not get any judgement here for making those choices Last, and the things you have mentioned as being your priorities are all very important. The only thing I would I say is to consider whether you are putting your own needs high up enough on the list.

Your mental health is incredibly important not just to you, but to your children. Can you stay in a situation where you feel isolated and humiliated and hold on to your mental health, or will you need to compromise on some of the other stuff in order to keep yourself together?

Last of course, you have to do what works for you at the moment. I count myself very lucky that I was able to bail out quickly, and avoided lots of potential financial and emotional abuse, as so many of you endure. But keep in mind your longer-term plan, and I'd always suggest getting solid legal/financial advice so that you know where you stand, and can make a plan.
Btw there's an article by an unhappy transwidow this month in Woman&Home; I'm not a big fan of women's magazines, but it's good to see this perspective in something so mainstream... I wish it was more widely discussed.

Is the article available online?

Don't know. I have a paper copy... could probably scan it or something

I can't see it on their website.

Hmm. Scanned it but can't attach pdf here. Anyone done this before?