Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

[TinselAngel]

The previous thread is nearly full, so here is a shiny new one.

I'm thrilled that this took off enough to merit a second thread.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason.

You can apply for a divorce online now?

I work miracles , just wanted to let you know you are not alone , about it being hard to let go . I felt exactly the same & still struggle with my feelings . We need to look after ourselves & if someone offers help take it . Tho unfortunately as trans widows we are left very much to cope alone.unlike those who have made our lives this way who appear to get support whatever . I can only say , use this wonderful thread that Tinsel Angel set up . You are not alone .

Hi Start, you've got a lot of major change, but sounds like it is very clear you have done the right thing, and your ex is pressing ahead rapidly as they do. Keep looking after yourself and your 'children', and well done for taking some decisive action, as it's really hard.

Thanks social At times it is all very overwhelming.
Told a close friend last night, (the sky didn't fall in!) Very shocked, but it was a good release for me.
Taking each day.
Exhausted sometimes from keeping myself so busy, but def the way forward. My life has now got to be about ME
to all

Yes the public support is massive for the stunning and brave ones because in general people are nice and want to be inclusive and don't know the hidden truth. But there are increasing numbers of women out there who are concerned about the erasion of women's rights and lesbian rights and will support you in real life as well as online.

Feeling for you Start I can only imagine the overwhelming mix of feelings you must have right now.
I hope there are some good positive ones because you deserve a bright future that is just for you.
I'm looking forward to getting out of this holding pattern. To have a future again. It's half the torture of our situations.
Keep taking care of yourself xxxxxx

hi, i wouldn't consider myself a trans widow or anything, but i've just exited a nearly two year relationship with a trans identified male. i'm only seventeen.

even though he wasn't much older i recognise a lot of the behaviours your exes and husbands had in my former partner. it was always 100% about their identity, about them feeling valid and you could never be accepting enough. watching him act like being a woman was about submissiveness and makeup and pretty dresses messed me up, as well as the self harm and suicide threats, the gaslighting, the occasional physical abuse.

i feel like i lost the ability to think for myself completely at some point and just became a robot, tending to her needs and subconciously trying to find a way out. even though she's taken to slandering me on social media and to everyone who'll listen i'm happy i'm gaining my ability to think about all of this back.

at some point i thought i was going to marry and have children with this creature and i'm so glad i never did. reading through these threads has given me a lot of reassurance that i wasn't alone in my experience with these people, so thank you.

SomethingAwful - I'm so impressed that at your tender age you can see what I couldn't see for so long and are now free to have a healthy and exciting life with proper boundaries!

Something, you're brave to have walked away. It's particularly hard, I think, for younger people in the current climate. Certainly my teenagers experience a lot of difficulty with not being able to question or be anything other than celebratory and ultra-sensitive in favour of trans people. (Yesterday my daughter came home from school having been told that abortion isn't a women's issue, and we should be sensitive to the fact that it's not just women who need abortions... it's all madness). I think older women have more support for debate and discussion. Hang on in there. You dodged a bullet.

I often wonder how those of you still in relationships are doing, particularly @EmilyHowardsWife who has been with us from the beginning.

As an update, I'm fine. Although in the middle of menopause, with all the unwanted female centric symptoms. Any TiMs are very welcome to this stage of womanhood 😀

My Trans partner is deep in denial that he even likes to dress and has totally cut himself of from any sex. I'm forbidden from even mentioning his crossdressing, which he feels wasn't serious or important.
He had a complete mental breakdown, caused by him making some very poor business decisions which has left us in a poorer state.
He is in therapy, but not discussed his gender confusion. His therapist thinks he is an over thinker who naturally thinks the worst of every situation. They have not gone too deep into anything.
The hospital psychiatrist thinks he had an acute anxiety episode and basically said if it wasn't for me frog marching him to A&E he would have been successful in his suicide bid.

My own research makes me think he is on the bipolar spectrum. He is either ecstatic and highly sexual, engaging in risk taking. Or he is on the floor suicidal.

At the moment he is being obsessed by cars, spending every waking moment looking for cars to fix, travelling the length of the country to find the perfect vintage car to renovate. It's all he can talk about.

I feel that changing everything about yourself, including your gender was a huge bipolar high, the excitement from the risk taking and "decadent" lifestyle, really had a grip on him until the low comes crashing in.

At the moment I'm a carer to my husband, making sure he is stabilized and taking his meds, while trying to look after 3 uprooted children. Not much time for myself, this is the only time I've even thought about my life as a whole for a long time.
Anyone dating a crossdresser/Trans woman - leave, don't walk away, run hard and fast as they are all mentally ill and you will sucked into the crazy too.

So,,,,,,,stbexh emailing me to ask about meeting up.
I'm not interested in seeing him/her, so I said, definitely not interested in seeing you, you have upset me so much why would I want to continue to be part of your life!.
He emails again to say - He is not to blame, he has no choice, he is Transgender.
He is suffering and upset.
I made the best decision to move on with my life.
Why do they think they can still control and have a hold on you when you have already made plans to move on?.
He didn't like me saying No to his request for meeting up

There is often blanket entitlement and a loss of any ability to imagine how others feel. Something totally self centred happens to them bolstered by mass support and messages of their absolute rights/needs/entitlement to support.. So many women report being obliterated and overlooked by partners doing this. Your ex sounds like he doesn't give thought to what you need or your boundaries. We'll done for standing firm and keeping your limits. These incidents are bewildering but absolutely show you you are doing the right thing. No adult should tell another to do things using that helpless, not responsible victim cr** especially as he's the person who blew apart your life! It's outrageous....

EmilyHowardsWife, I'm glad you're still in one piece, but sad that the bonds of the cross dressing have been exchanged for different bonds (in terms of the effect on you) ie the mental illness. Do keep checking in.
Renovating cars is quite a macho hobby isn't it?

Start, I am so proud of you for refusing to engage with STBX's proposed meeting. Well done! So often the brave and stunning new life is not as great as anticipate but that is comprehensively not our fucking problem.

So pleased that this thread is shining a light on the murky world of the average Trans women.
It is really frustrating that the wider population have swallowed the propoganda of "it's just harmless dress up fun" or "I cann't help it, I really am a lady in my 50s/60s in tight mini skirts/heels/massive boobies/intellengence by-pass".

My husband was very deep into dressing and acting like a sexual bimbo character. Even told me that he wasn't a man and he didn't feel he has any gender!!! The collection of clothes and make up was a big part of it. To be his best version of sexy woman.

He has these intense all consuming obsessions, which really is a male trait. Think about all the men train spotting, computer gaming, collecting bits of shit, to the point of ignoring everything else in their life, throwing away good money, instead of concentrating on food, rent, saving for old age, etc. Like any adult should.

Really helps to read all the woman who are properly brave, knowing their boundaries, and saying no more. It helps others to see that not only can it be done, but it should be done. So glad that Start has value for herself and her mental health to know what she wants and not to fall for the manipulation, which I know from experience is intense.

Tinsel you starting this thread has changed lives, you are the real "brave and stunning" one

Agree. And such a good point about obsessive acquisitive focus... I had a garage full of gear for scuba, cycling, sailing, birdwatching, painting...

Tinsel you starting this thread has changed lives, you are the real "brave and stunning" one

Thank you. I have a had be brave recently after having been outed in a small way. But I think this is too important to stop doing.

EmilyHowardsWife sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Do you have any support.

Start, kudos for refusing to re-engage. I listened to a lot of "you don't understand transgenderism, I have no choice" very self-serving pseudo apologies before telling my ex to stop. It is just another way of trying to maintain some control of you.

Emily, I hadn't connected that before, but OMG yes, that magpie acquisitiveness is something my ex did as well. Which translates to my finances being so much better now that I'm single, I'm no longer paying for all of that crap.

Tinsel, sorry to hear that you're having a tough time. Please know how much this forum means to all of us.

Sorry you've had trouble Tinsel. It's easy to forget we are vulnerable, as we speak so freely and with such relief - I find - on here. Hope you haven't had hassle. Your thread is life-changing for so many people and I for one am hugely grateful to you

Hi you awesome Transwidows.
Thank you for all your support.
Couldn't go on without this thread.
Message from ex - 'Dont blame me for who I am, i'm not blaming you for who you are'!!.
He's pissed that ive gone NC
How in their heads can they justify that they have managed over 60 years living male, but NO, I've always been 'female'.
Crap clinical psychologist telling them, Hey, it's ok, be who you want to be.
How do they sleep at night.
Lunatics running the Asylum

i'm not blaming you for who you are'!!.

Clearly he is though!

Hi just been directed to this page after I posted a thread my cross dressing husband. Long and short, I found out first time after my DS now 17 was born then again after we moved and DC no 3 had arrived again promises of it won’t happen again I love you all to much to loose you. He walked out for reasons I don’t know and accused me of faking my depression, as he said it only happened when suited. Etc . He came back 6 months later and now 4yrs on my youngest DC now 13 found daddy’s lady clothes hid away. I have let him stay in the house but he has moved to his own room with on suite toilet and sink. But of thinking of making it an official separation, but allowing him to live in the downstairs room, is this unreasonable of me.

Welcome Tired you will find friends and support here. What a difficult situation for you. Prepare to be told by your husband that decisions you make are unreasonable, but absolutely you get to decide what you want, can tolerate, and what your boundaries are. Sounds like you are offering a middle ground... Difficult and you will need very clear rules. Are your kids a complicating factor? I guess you just need to be crystal clear about the arrangement and stay focused on what's best for you and them. There isn't a right or wrong way to do this. What do you want to happen? Good luck and there are good people on this thread who help each other

Thank you @socialworker222