Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

[TinselAngel]

The previous thread is nearly full, so here is a shiny new one.

I'm thrilled that this took off enough to merit a second thread.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason.

I meant what from the group's perspective do we need to know. We need to make sure we aren't left open to litigation.

I'm hopefully on the home run. Third time lucky! First time FDR, was postponed because of his his Gender Reassignment Surgery, second time court allowed a postponement on the basis he had a three week holiday to New York and Brazil booked. I was honestly losing faith in the system. The Master, seemingly was cracking up but he got away with it. Hopefully unless something else happens, it should be finally wrapped up on the 7th May.

People keep asking me how he can keep getting away with it.......no one else would.

Someone suggested that everyone is running scared of the 'Political Correctness' that we live with with today. No one wants to appear to be homo/transphobic. I've been told that the fear of litigation is huge from the LGBT community. Especially after the Ashers Bakery situation.

I wonder if there is a similar voice for Transwidowers? Men whose wives have transitioned to male? I know one such couple.

Given we've barely got a voice at all, I'm not sure what you mean?

Let's not derail this thread with "but what about the men".

I think the unpalatable truth is that this is very 'male' behaviour. FtMs seem to go about it quietly, dress normally without major stereotyping, not seek out the limelight and dominance of publicity/conflict, and behave in less aggressive and entitled ways. Or am I stereotyping now?

I agree, although I'm acquainted with only two FTMs, the behaviour, attitudes and so on do seem very different. My thought was, I wonder if husbands go through the same shocks, grieving etc as shared by wives here? I've never seen it talked about.

T1me, I refer you to my previous comment.

Excuse the interruption, but I came across an interesting article:

Advice for Wives and Girlfriends of Autogynephiles

The author is a transexual who has explored the 'science and experience' of transgenderism, particularly autogynephilia. You may have seen it already.

I was struck by the description of the slow progress of AGP in a relationship

• from the boyfriend who casually mentions it as not a big deal and just a laugh to the man who wants to be you.

There's the self-deception, rewriting history, the lies, the outlandish behaviour and the growing catastrophe. The underlying message is: "Beware, beware, beware because this will not end well".

There are sections on finances, self preservation and the impact on children.

sillyolme.wordpress.com/advice-for-wivesgirlfriends-of-autogynephiles/

The unnerving thing about reading this article is the realisation that autogynephile's behaviour can be predicted with accuracy. It's like there is a script or a pre-determined outcome. This Mumsnet topic, and the stories from Transwidows, reinforces that view.

I sincerely hope that your endeavours, whatever form they take, help and support not only the women caught up in the nightmare, but the women embarking on a relationship with a cross dresser (where it's "no big deal").

.

That's a really great article Pam, thanks so much for posting it. I'd recommend anybody on this thread, or lurking, to read it.

TBH I don't think there are many heterosexual married FtM transitioning. And I expect their husbands would leave. Can you imagine the situation? "Right then, Clive, I'm going to grow a beard and have the tits cut off. But I'll still be the same person so nothing need to change!"

Anomoony, Such androphilic transmen are more common than once thought...

sillyolme.wordpress.com/2010/11/19/mirror-mirror-on-the-wall/

and while I don't have the stats on how many have been married to straight men before they began transition, I've met a fair share who have. I very recently met one who transitioned in his mid-40s after years of marriage and two children together. And yes, his husband did NOT stay.

However, after their transitions... they seem to have no problem finding open minded gay / bi men as lovers / partners.

Again, please can we not derail this thread, which is a support thread for women. If people want to discuss the mythical transition of married heterosexual women please start another thread to do so.

If people start queuing up to say "well women do it too" on here, it is really not helpful. Ask whose interests this argument serves?

Lurker here

This thread is for a very specific purpose

If you are not a trans widow, you probably shouldn’t be posting on it

Tinsel

Supporting transwidows x

I agree bernard

This is supposed to be a support thread for a very specific group of people

Any off piste questions would probably deserve a thread of their own so as not to disturb this one

tinsel

Derailing support threads is not in the MN spirit. Please desist. This space is already claimed.

I am not a transwidow so please tell me to go away if necessary.
However I really need somewhere to help me process my thoughts.
My brother became my sister in h** 40s. They recently died in very distressing circumstances and I am the only next of kin. There is absolutely noone I can talk to about this without offending someone.
I totally loved and supported my sibling but I truly believe all the trans rhetoric and cheerers on let her down and contributed to her death. And my siblings actions and motivations during transition were like a complete insult to my entire belief structure and myself - as a very non gender conforming, fairly straight talking feminist.
Anyway, here I am. Tell me if my presence is unwelcome and I won't post here again.

Very few of these threads exist, and this one has a specific purpose. To support women whose husbands have a fetishistic desire to emulate women. Perhaps people interested in transwidowers could start a new thread.

Whilst I'm on, Tgiana - I'm not a transwindow, just a supporter. But do, please, stick around. And as tinsel says write things in a Word document, so you don't lose them. Forty years is a long time, but you can look forwards. 💐

WhyNotMe40

Start a thread about your situation. I'm not sure it's entirely relevant to this thread. I'm so sorry for your loss, and all the added confusion and questions.

Ok I won't post here again

Also agreeing anew thread needs starting if you wish to discuss transmen’s relationships.

Will go now as this thread is not my place, I just read and wish the best to you all.

Thanks all.

Hi @WhyNotMe40, your presence is not unwelcome. Wives are not the only women who are having their histories rewritten by this, sisters and mothers are too.

I hope that reading our experiences has helped you to process some of what has happened to you. I'm sorry for your loss. It must feel like you lost your brother twice.

I think starting your own thread could be a really valuable thing for you to do for you and for other women in your situation. Whilst some of our experiences will be similar. Some will be very different.

I know @redtoothbrush has spoken about her experiences of her brother being trans. Maybe you could support each other in starting a new thread? I'd be very interested to hear about your experiences.

Yes, sorry WhyNotMe40, I didn't mean to imply that your experience wasn't valuable, which is why I suggested a different thread. And of course, this isn't my thread anyway !

But there are people in your situation, who post, including redtoothbrush as mentioned by tinsel.

I'm sure you will find a sympathetic and informed response if you started a thread.

I'm actually in floods of tears right now so incapable of starting a coherent thread! But thanks, I will when I feel more together

But yes, this thread has been helpful thanks

If you start a new thread and it doesn't take off then by all means come back here, Why. . I'd far rather that than you feel alone.