Every human being , all of us , have our own stories. All the same, yet also each unique. In order to make some sense of life, we tend to make assumptions about others. Just as we do in the case of marriages that end ( or stagger on making the best of it) when one person, usually the man but very occasionally the woman,transitions between gender roles.
I've seen the classic " it was just a bit of cross dressing but it got worse" scenario a few times. I have met a couple of (former) wives who have been , and seemed to still be, devastated. I've also seen one or two cases where both the partners had serious problems, pre marriage, just different ones.
I am fortunate to be still friends with both the vibrant, talented, funny, socially outrageous , hard drinking women I was once married to.
One for a very brief time, one for 20 years. In the end I divorced them both,when I could no longer tolerate the behaviours that shocked my family, and wore me down. In our old age we have continued to be friends; to the point of annual holidays and regular visits.
The cliched view of " poor wife, did not bargain for this" is a cliché because it is often completely true. But in life the obvious picture
is not always the full picture. Each case is unique. Each person does the best they can, with the cards they were dealt.