Each case is unique. Each person does the best they can, with the cards they were dealt.
Just as the transwidows thread demonstrates such clear and predictable patterns of control and abuse, so too the knowledge & experience on the relationship boards here.
I had bought into/being gaslit into the lie that every relationship was unique etc.
The Freedom Program, Lundy Bancroft, Women's services etc demonstrate that with male-pattern controlling abuse /behaviour there are scripts, inevitabilities and important patterns to understand.
This is especially pertinant given we are a few days into the 16 days of action:
WPUK
"End Violence Against Women & Girls
November 25th is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and girls (VAWG). The United Nations are calling on people everywhere to stand up and be part of the #16days campaign to highlight the problem and to challenge society to act to end it.
The day was originally organised as commemoration of the assassination of three political activists, the Mirabal sisters, in the Dominican Republic in 1961. As those who campaign for human rights all over the world know, violence against women, sexual violence, and political oppression all too often go hand in hand.
The #16days campaign ends on 10th December which is UN Human Rights Day to make the point that women’s rights are human rights and must be upheld.
This year the campaign is also using #hearmetoo.
The UN says:
“Violence against women and girls (VAWG) is one of the most widespread, persistent and devastating human rights violations in our world today remains largely unreported due to the impunity, silence, stigma and shame surrounding it.In general terms, it manifests itself in physical, sexual and psychological forms, encompassing:
intimate partner violence (battering, psychological abuse, marital rape, femicide);
sexual violence and harassment (rape, forced sexual acts, unwanted sexual advances, child sexual abuse, forced marriage, street harassment, stalking, cyber- harassment);
human trafficking (slavery, sexual exploitation);
female genital mutilation; and
child marriage.
To further clarify, the Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women issued by the UN General Assembly in 1993, defines violence against women as “any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life.”The adverse psychological, sexual and reproductive health consequences of VAWG affect women at all stages of their life. For example, early-set educational disadvantages not only represent the primary obstacle to universal schooling and the right to education for girls; down the line they are also to blame for restricting access to higher education and even translate into limited opportunities for women in the labour market."
womansplaceuk.org/end-violence-against-women-and-girls/