Why is misgendering a big deal?

[FortunateCookie]

Hope someone can help because I’m really trying to understand why not affirming someone’s identity is that big of a deal.
I understand that it’s polite to go along with whatever someone’s chosen gender identity is, but I can’t believe that it’s actually a big problem if you don’t?
Surely if your friends and family accept your identity, it doesn’t matter if someone at work doesn’t?
Would it really make someone suicidal?
Do any of the trans organisations say why it is so important?
I just don’t get it.

@SupermatchGame Tue 12-Jun-18 23:43:14
"Would not appear so.
Well it appears so to me Italiangreyhound. I think most people would feel we are more civilised and enlightened in the west than 100 years ago."

I would like to think there is, and to some degree there is. But I am fearful that some of the way women are being treated now is exactly the same as it was a long time ago. I am very lucky that I am not being treated badly at all.

So it is a mixed picture. I would agree with you some things are definitely better. But while I still need to say that 'I am lucky' that things are good for me, then I don't think we women have got automatically the same rights and freedoms as men and sometimes things appear to go backwards!

In terms of the opening post "Why is misgendering a big deal?"

Did anyone watch the Channel 4 programme about marriage tonight?

Bride and Prejudice.

www.channel4.com/programmes/bride-prejudice

There is a transgender man on the programme. He passes very well and I can see for someone like that that 'misgendering' would be a real issue. It's just i am not sure we have mentioned cases of trans men on this thread (but I am not sure I've read every post!)

I just wanted to mention that. The irony is that while I might be expressing concern about misgendering him, he is on a TV programme as openly trans, so I am not really sure how to view 'misdendering' in that light. I hope that makes sense! I just watched it and wanted to mention it.

@GibbertyFlibbert, I'd never really considered myself a feminist as I mistakenly thought we were pretty equal to men, although these wonderful women have truly opened my eyes to the shit we still face. Mostly though, it is the TRAs like you that have made me wake up and see just how far we still have to go, so I truly thank you for that.

Just my opinion but I think Gibs is so adament and blinded by this simply because I think her world would fall apart if she had to admit what her other half really is. So she sticks her fingers in her ears, metaphorically speaking, and repeats the mantra to keep it real. I feel sorry for her, actually, to be so blinded to reality. It can't be nice.

Italian, I think that just because someone is not trying to hide that they are trans, doesn’t mean they don’t believe they are and should be identified as a woman in society. I’m assuming so anyway. I’ve no right to speak for trans people.

MNHQ moderation policy seems to take a view on misgendering -

That said, it’s clear that most trans people find the use of pronouns, or names that they or others have consciously rejected, to be hurtful and would therefore struggle to engage in a discussion with those who insist on using them... it’s likely that going forward our moderation team will delete these expressions.

MNHQ policy on misgendering is just more grist for the mill of this idea:

If misgendering is so hurtful, then there are serious ethical implications for situations where misgendering may happen.

eg how could a woman feel comfortable refusing a male HCP when he tells her he is the female nurse she requested for her smear?

I think that just because someone is not trying to hide that they are trans, doesn’t mean they don’t believe they are and should be identified as a woman in society.
From what various trans people have said, it's possible to identify as a transwoman or transman and be happy to say you are not a woman or man as appropriate, but still think that the category you're in goes better with the pronouns "she" and "he" respectively.
In fact I'd be happier to attempt to remember the correct pronouns for people who are clear about what they are. As long as everyone else attempts to remember that I'm not Mrs/Miss.

how could a woman feel comfortable refusing a male HCP when he tells her he is the female nurse she requested for her smear?

Well that's where we need to make sure we are adamant about the difference between sex and gender.
Gender = society's perception which probably ties in with dress/pronouns.
Sex = biology and if that's what you want in a HCP you are entitled to have it.
Put that loud and clear on NHS posters and make sure that any HCP who is trans knows they have to abide by the difference.
Make sure that the sex of the person who is due to perform the procedure is clear.
"You're booked in today with Dr Brown who is male. Dr Brown is also trans. If you would prefer a female doctor or if you'd like a chaperone let us know".
Oh and while we're at it, it may well be appropriate to point out to a work supervisor that you are trans and prefer to be called "she", it's not appropriate to point that out to anyone in a vulnerable position e.g. an elderly patient.
I would happily tell a work supervisor not to call me "dearie" or Mrs. I wouldn't tell an elderly neighbour who needed my help to get up and call their carer.

Bumping this thread from 2018 to see how things have moved on since then.

It's now a hate crime you can be arrested for or held in contempt of court for.

We are closing this zombie thread. As ever, please do report any breaches of guidelines or anything else that might cause concern.