Why is misgendering a big deal?

[FortunateCookie]

Hope someone can help because I’m really trying to understand why not affirming someone’s identity is that big of a deal.
I understand that it’s polite to go along with whatever someone’s chosen gender identity is, but I can’t believe that it’s actually a big problem if you don’t?
Surely if your friends and family accept your identity, it doesn’t matter if someone at work doesn’t?
Would it really make someone suicidal?
Do any of the trans organisations say why it is so important?
I just don’t get it.

Gibber
Seahorses are not actually horses, FYI.

Toiletduck...not an actual duck.

Clothes horse. Not an actual horse.

Some have. Some have not. But caring about ourselves, our privacy and other women is not necessarily dependent on having had our personal boundaries violated.

Agree with this entirely. I was just glad that SMG was capable of seeing where I, personally, was coming from

Same.

at toilet duck and clothes horse. I'm glad they are being validated. Please be nice and do not mis-object them

I'm happy to let toilet duck be an actual duck 🦆

SeahorsesAREHorses' username always makes me chuckle.

And it's the XY that's important. You can wear a posh dress, heels and a face full of makeup. That doesn't make you female. I am a bio female. I wear jeans, trainers, a scruffy top and no makeup. You are still XY. I am XX and nothing can change that.

Excellent, now I know that the thing that makes men dangerous to me is my gender
THATS where I’ve been going wrong!!
In order to avoid this, I shall forever more spend my days wearing a three piece suit.
That’ll keep me safe.
The more you know

Gender identity is part of human identity. If you are alive and conscious you have a gender identity - it is the sex you feel you are. The concept of yourself as a man or a woman
I'm crying with laughter. There is no logic in gender ideology. What if I'm "agender"? Surely the above statement becomes literal violence?

How arrogant does on have to be to declare that if they feel something it is human nature that all people will feel what they feel?
The narcissistic dick introduces itself, I guess.

@rosesandflowers, actually I think that I'll identify as healthy, because having rheumatoid arthritis is such a drag, and leaves me quite depressed.

Shame it doesn't change reality though, isn't it?

However much I hate it and wish I didn't have it; and no matter what medications I take or what surgery I have, I will still have rheumatoid arthritis.

No one can identify out of the body they were born with; it is a biological impossibility, and the sooner TRAs/transpeople accept this, the better for all of us.

Bewilderness, assuming that everyone must feel the same as you do reveals quite extraordinary arrogance.

Does the whole devalue argument creep anyone else out? Cuz it is men who designed the hierarchy with themselves at the top, and it is men who are trying to create a new class of people who cannot be told no, and have been given the right to take priority over all others on the basis of how they identify. This can vary from one day to the next, so failure to submit to that days identity presentation can get the lesser people in trouble.

This sums it up for me.

Same here, Science. I'll identify as painfree, young and in good health. That'd be nice. And you plebs can all call me "Gorgeous" - or alternatively "Genius". I'm not unreasonable, you see. I've given you a choice.

Transparent is a real parent..

Absolutely nothing demonstrates the co-morbidity of Gender Identity Disorder with narcissistic personality disorder quite like a trans thread on MNs FWR.

Absolutely nothing demonstrates the co-morbidity of Gender Identity Disorder with narcissistic personality disorder quite like a trans thread on MNs FWR

It does indeed.

This is still going? With exactly the same "you're big meanies" from rose and "the GRA is magic and alters reality" from Gibby? Really?

Absolutely nothing demonstrates the co-morbidity of Gender Identity Disorder with narcissistic personality disorder quite like a trans thread on MNs FWR

YY.

I’m really trying to understand why not affirming someone’s identity is that big of a deal.

Because womanhood and girlhood is NOT an identity. It's a biological and material reality that forms the basis of our oppression. It's the entire basis of the FEMinist movement.

Men's feelings and need for validation of their fantasy identities NEVER trump women's and girl's rights.

Heh. I realized I misread the OP's statement.

I think we'll have to talk about male supremacy and their socialization into masculinity in a patriarchal society that constantly bends to men's precious feelings.

I'm reminded of the Genderquake debate where gender identity didn't determine the amount of time speaking and the amount of times someone was interrupted.

Sex mattered though.

I'm not saying women should be forced to share spaces with men if they have an intense phobia of them. I'm saying that it would be beneficial for said women to try and overcome that phobia, because it's very very difficult to go through life avoiding men completely.

It's not a phobia, it's an entirely rational caution. Two women a week killed by men. Men with no label saying killer or abuser. Plausible men, nice men. So credible in fact that we fall in love with and marry them.

Then they kill us.

Not a phobia.

A statistically rational, evidential and almost universal vigilance around men, especially when we are in a vulnerable situation, naked, or with our knickers round our ankles, having a smear test, or in a prison cell, unable to escape.

Instead of suggesting that women overcome this wariness, by flatly denying it to protect the feelings of the very people who perpetuate it, might I suggest you direct your attention to the cause of it instead.

It is generally about decency. If you refuse to accept people's gender identity, then you're usually transphobic, which means you contribute to large-scale transphobia such as medical denial or trans poverty.

Misgendering can be a contributor to suicide

Essentially, you're arrogant and close-minded,

I will not be threatened or bullied into using a pronoun that doesn't reflect material, biological realities. This is right out of the abuser play-book.

'I'm gonna kill myself if you don't do x, y, z'

'You're responsible for my poverty !'

The only arrogance here comes from ( mainly men) who've been socialized to think their feelings are the center of the universe and who have actually BEATEN women over this.

What confuses me is that somehow hearing someone say TWs are men is triggering and causes them to self harm etc but apparently seeing a cock and balls every time they go to the loo is ok, because they’ve just convinced themselves it’s a ladycock and ladyballs. Convenient that.

Really good point.

*what do I use as an XX person with no gender identity?

Corpse.

Gender identity is part of human identity. If you are alive and conscious you have a gender identity - it is the sex you feel you are. The concept of yourself as a man or a woman.*

I don't FEEL I'm a sex. I AM a sex. What you're describing is completely subjective, meaningless and cannot be tested.

Female infants in certain countries can't change their feelings about their sex to stop them from being murdered for being of the FEMALE SEX class.

On the other hand, gender dysphoria can be categorized as it's a mental disorder where people have a delusion that doesn't correspond to the reality of their sex. IOW, a psychological disorder.

When you're a corpse you still ARE a sex.