Why is misgendering a big deal?

[FortunateCookie]

Hope someone can help because I’m really trying to understand why not affirming someone’s identity is that big of a deal.
I understand that it’s polite to go along with whatever someone’s chosen gender identity is, but I can’t believe that it’s actually a big problem if you don’t?
Surely if your friends and family accept your identity, it doesn’t matter if someone at work doesn’t?
Would it really make someone suicidal?
Do any of the trans organisations say why it is so important?
I just don’t get it.

Ancient, I genuinely think you underestimate how much importance other peoples view of you has to your fundamental sense of self. Even the simplest things such as your mum telling you that you’re a great storyteller as a child or a friend saying ‘you’re always such a good listener’.

People always think they are a product of their own making but reality is that we are all products of our environment/upbringing/peers etc.

So, how we view ourselves is made up of many little things coming from how others view us. If people keep tearing down one of the most basic elements that we identify ourselves by, gender, I can’t imagine how confused/angry/distressed etc. that would make me feel.

Do you care what I think about this issue,

No. I don't care what Scientologists' personal worldview is either.

You know what - reading some of the responses here makes me so sad.

Of course everyone is able to have their own opinion but look how far the world has evolved over the years.

100 years ago, women were treated at the secondary sex. Now we (allegedly) have equal rights. Homosexuality is now legal. Look at Ru Paul's drag race. Transgender is now mainstream.

Society is constantly evolving. The way we feel about ourselves is evolving.

And if my CHILD feels the way they do, then who am I to say they are living a lie?

And it's down to close-minded people who can't see others people's points of view that scare me for my child's future.

The importance I place on truth outweighs the importance someone places upon a lie. I will not capitulate to nonsense like preferred pronouns.

@juzzal

""My 19 year old has recently disclosed to me that they are non-binary."

You need to tell your 19 year to stop being an idiot, we are all non-binary, she just looks stupid calling herself that.

How nasty is your reply, that is disgusting to to call a mothers child an idiot,

Cis just means you identify as man and have a penis, or identify as a woman and have a vagina.

I don't 'identify' as anything! I just am.

My 19 year old has recently disclosed to me that they are non-binary.

Welcome to the club. Most humans are. It won't change her sex though will it?

There are two sexes, and, due to our different biology and the way men treat us because of our biology, women as a sex class need certain protections in law.

Gender fans - can you really truly not grasp this?

Thank you @Giddy99 x

RedPandaBear

I am shocked and disgusted at some of the comments made to you, I wish you and your child every happiness, Ignore the vile remarks,

Gender fans - can you really truly not grasp this?

It is baffling the mind tricks these people are putting themselves through to literally erase their own existence.

Meanwhile, how's the 'enjoying your erasure' going all you Gender fans? Feeling good about your literal removal from all sex-based rights?

I get that, Hideandgo - but your examples about small children are about affirmation.

"You're a great singer!" Lovely compliment.

If it's not true, telling someone that they are a lovely singer can set them up for misery and heartbreak - surely all the people on X Factor who sound like a broken drain have been told "you're a great singer!" by people close to them? And why won't any choir accept them, didn't they hear how great the audition was? People who laugh at them singing must just be jealous of how good a singer they are, eh?

If someone really is a great singer, then fair enough, tell them. If they aren't, there are myriad other ways to be supportive without affirming their singing abilities. "I love when you sing to me!" is my current favourite when (tone deaf) DS serenades me. "You always choose such happy songs to sing!" "It's lovely that you and Fred sing along together, you're being a great friend"

Gender fans - can you really truly not grasp this?

Obviously sex-based issues are there. The ones that come to mind most prominently are reproductive rights, the tampon tax etc.

But a vast amount of what I experience as part of misogyny a trans woman will also experience. Similarly, a trans man will experience sex-based discrimination. It's not like they're exempt.

One prime example of how my friend was spoken to in a shoe shop was oh we dont do those in 10, anyway they are more suited to smaller dainty feet

Well, to be fair, anyone who deviates from the norm gets that - DP and I still giggle at the time I was looking at a beautiful top, and asked an assistant who was close what sizes it came in. She took me in with horror (I'm short and fat) grabbed my arm and said 'you're too big, try over there!' pushing me towards another area of the store.

And the comments I've had about my tiny but very wide feet.. God, it's lucky that I'm realistic about myself.

And I didn't get that way until I was nearly 30. For the first 30 years of my life I hid myself and tried to hide my body, I had no confidence at all - that kind of comment would have hit home very hard, because I know it's true. It's only once I learned to admit to myself that it was true, and give myself a break, that I've been able to accept them for what they were - rude comments, but correct.

I can tell you which was a healthier, better way to live - and it wasn't letting other people's words control me.

I don't 'identify' as anything! I just am.

Okay fine, you are a woman and have a vagina. That's what's communicated with the term "cis woman"?

Do you find the vagina part offensive, or the woman part?

Okay fine, you are a woman and have a vagina. That's what's communicated with the term "cis woman"?

Do you find the vagina part offensive, or the woman part?

You can't say CIS is for people who are ok with their genders and then when people say they don't have a gender say 'oh you too'.

I'll ask again - how do you feel about your erasure?

No, cis means that you identify as a woman. Cis is unnecessary, it's a label that isn't needed, isn't wanted and doesn't describe me.

But a vast amount of what I experience as part of misogyny a trans woman will also experience

I don't agree. Some rare passing trans identified males may. The rest don't experience misogyny.

There is no need for Cis...you are just a woman! That's it!!! Don't you get it?

People thinking they are special by calling themselves non-binary are idiots trying to identify into oppression.

And here we have an example of an absolute idiot, and an asshole to boot!

Why would people want to be oppressed? It's not really fun.

Why have non-binary people - or people with the same identity, but a different name - existed throughout history? In different parts of the world? Without interacting with each other beforehand?

What about people who identified as it in one of the rare cultures where it wasn't looked down upon? What was their goal?

If they wanted to be oppressed to the point where they'd change their entire gender identity couldn't they just be trans?

And why do you think you know their gender better than them?

I have XX chromosomes and ovaries (and all the rest of that anatomical package)

I call myself whatever the word is for the above description.

If the word for the above description was blarg, I'd be a blarg.
And people who don't meet that description would not be a blarg, no matter how they 'identified'.

This is how the word female works.
It isn't a matter of 'identity' or 'gender'.

It's nothing to do with psychology or beliefs.
It doesn't matter how the individual feels about it.

The word for people with my anatomy is female. Adults are women, juveniles are girls.

No one can identify as this and make it be true.

You either fit the description and share this anatomy type in common with 3.7 billion others, or you don't.

I have nothing in common with male people who falsely call themselves women.
Not my sex.
Not 'gender'.

*Ancient, I genuinely think you underestimate how much importance other peoples view of you has to your fundamental sense of self. Even the simplest things such as your mum telling you that you’re a great storyteller as a child or a friend saying ‘you’re always such a good listener’.

People always think they are a product of their own making but reality is that we are all products of our environment/upbringing/peers etc.

So, how we view ourselves is made up of many little things coming from how others view us. If people keep tearing down one of the most basic elements that we identify ourselves by, gender, I can’t imagine how confused/angry/distressed etc. that would make me feel.*

i agree with so much of this and i accept that at the moment gender is how some people choose to identify themselves. it does not however mean that everybody else has to believe in gender for themselves or to look at the notion of gender uncritically. i have christian and muslim friends but i do not believe in god and i sometimes criticise elements of those religions. i still accept that my friends are christian and muslim and their beliefs are real. i expect they have thoughts about my atheism too.

just because gender identity is important to some people, it does not have to follow that sex based rights and data go out of the window. sex and gender are two different things.

mega bold fail in my above post!!

have nothing in common with male people who falsely call themselves women.
Not my sex.
Not 'gender'.

This. "Gender" is sex role stereotypes and restrictive societal expectations.

Roseandflowers is a now a stuck record.

Get one of these machines roseandflowers, you will have great fun.

www.scientology.org.uk/faq/scientology-and-dianetics-auditing/what-is-the-emeter-and-how-does-it-work.html