"Planning my wedding as a non-binary bride"

[53rdWay]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jun/05/planning-my-wedding-as-a-non-binary-bride

"When I walk down the aisle this time, in front of every person who knows me, it will be as someone who lives in their body. Not a bride on a cake, but as myself, a person who is too complicated for the simple rituals that are the pattern of our lives."

Unlike the rest of us, who are 100% cool with compulsory femininity and aren't nearly complicated enough to be more than cake-decoration brides!

It's annoying but I feel more sorry for her than anything. This, e.g.:

“I’m in a body that isn’t saying the right things. It’s not me,” I explained. “I feel like I’m wearing a rubber suit all the time and nobody can see me inside it.”

Welcome to living with a female body under patriarchy! Join the feminists who are trying to bring the system down for everybody, not just the few special souls who are Not Like The Other Girls.

Oh the world is going weird

I read about demisexual the other day...checked with ds1 that i had the right end of the stick

So as I'm sure you all know its someone who wont have sex without an emotional link

IM MARRIED TO THE ONLY MAN IVE EVER HAD SEX WITH

Im so demi its untrue...and apparently that makes me queer and therefore trans

Its ridiculous

Im quite obviously none of those things and i think its incredibly insulting to anyone gay or trans who has ever struggled with those things (ie everyone)

More pictures lass

Maybe she means the wedding dress grace wore

Oh look it’s yet another transphobic thread. You lot with your negative comments are so judgemental. Live and let live. You don’t understand someone else’s struggle do you?

Well I don't get this stuff, who in hell cares. Generations of women have felt feminine/not feminine/gay/straight/nothing in paticular.
So just because she doesn't feel what she thinks all the other women feel she's some kind of special? She's very self indulgent. People in general are complicated and feel differently to each other, no need to slap a label on it, it's just being a person/human/one of the crowd/no one gives a shit.
I find this naval gazing, trying to figure it all out, very juvenile, like most 12/13 your olds

Those are stunning dresses, the wedding was probably beautiful, and I wish the author the best.

But this article confused me... especially this bit:
"As I got older, I learned more. The words we used to talk about queerness changed; the people I dated were more accepting and open-minded. I liked dating men because I could borrow their clothes. As I settled into what I am, I changed my terms: I identified as a dyke, a tomboy. Underneath those secondhand plaids and Carhartt overalls, though, was somebody who was still wearing the wrong body."

I have total empathy towards feeling alienated from your body... But how can the apparently female-bodied author have identified as a "dyke" (which I've always understood as a slightly offensive term meaning "lesbian") when they're talking about how they enjoy dating men throughout the article? Am I missing something?

Oh look it’s yet another transphobic thread. You lot with your negative comments are so judgemental. Live and let live. You don’t understand someone else’s struggle do you?

No it iz not a transphobic thread. It is a thread about the utter narcissism of someone who makes such a song and dance about not wearing a white wedding dress and who thinks wearing a dress based on Grace Kelly dress is non- binary

Get a grip FFS. The article is about someone who identifies as non-binary so has nothing to do with trans.

The only "struggle" I can see is the one that the subject of the article appears to have, in that they don't appear to understand contradictory terms!

What lass said

You don’t understand someone else’s struggle do you?

Struggle against compulsory femininity? No, no we don’t. We all feel like a cake decoration bride on the inside and we’re perfectly comfortable with that!

The point is that EVERYONE feels like this. Everyone. Some may like weddings and dresses more than others, whatever, but there is not a woman alive who is 100% thrilled with knowing that being female means she’s viewed as a two-dimensional stereotype rather than a full human.

OP I too feel sorry for the author that she feels ‘other’ when actually there’s no ‘one way’ to be a woman.

Has anyone read ‘trans like me’ by CN Lester? I’ve not read it because I’m not sure I’ll get past the first few pages, but if it will help me understand this better I’m willing to pop down the library to borrow a copy.

For God's sake!

Grace Kelly

Grace Kelly (being "non-binary" - bet she didn't know that)

Non-binary is under that trans umbrella and so this person might be trans. However, that would depend on whether they identify as trans. In fact, they could be nipping under and out from the trans umbrella depending on their mood. A sort of having your (non-wedding, or wedding, you choose) cake and eating it.

Narcissistic, self-absorbed twaddle.

Look at MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!

So self obsessed. My cousin was what we used to call a tomboy and wore a trouser suit for my wedding. I remember noticing it because I was thinking if she did wear a dress it would be the first time I'd ever seen her wear one. But she just wears what she wants without all the angst and the attention seeking, without making it into a thing.

It's just another flavour of Bridezilla - "Non-binary Bridezilla" (bit like - in fact a lot like - Barbie dolls).

I adore Grace Kelly too. Not got time to look for a pic but Rear Window is one of my favourite films - her outfits are part of the story.

And Katharine Hepburn was doing non binary long before this lot.

This would all be forgivable silliness which we could be nice about if it wasn't proselytising a reactionary and oppressive view of gender which delegitimises non-feminine femaleness, encourages gender-dysphoric girls into a lifetime of medicalisation and is destroying the lesbian community

Just to be clear, I think gender dysphoria is a sane and appropriate response to being socialised as a female in a patriarchal objectifying rape culture like our own. All this drivel about grace kelly dresses being non-binary is preventing us from having a sensible conversation about this.

Meh! Self indulgent rich kid shite.

Nowhere near Jayben Desai-at-Grunwick-kind-of-struggle.

I couldn't get past the first few paragraphs of this. it made no sense to me. her "struggle" seemed to be the exactly the same as mine (a mid 40's woman with kids) and the same as my daughter's (a teenager) and the same as most other women I know who have struggled with the grind of having to play at being feminine when you just can't be arsed or feel you are doing it because a man has asked you to.

Yet none of us identify as binary. What on earth makes a person binary? Is it just not liking wearing dresses (except when you choose one that is unconventional?) In that case call me binary.

Grace Kelly's gping away dress

Or going away dress even

p.s
love the Grace Kelly dress pics!