"Planning my wedding as a non-binary bride"

[53rdWay]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jun/05/planning-my-wedding-as-a-non-binary-bride

"When I walk down the aisle this time, in front of every person who knows me, it will be as someone who lives in their body. Not a bride on a cake, but as myself, a person who is too complicated for the simple rituals that are the pattern of our lives."

Unlike the rest of us, who are 100% cool with compulsory femininity and aren't nearly complicated enough to be more than cake-decoration brides!

It's annoying but I feel more sorry for her than anything. This, e.g.:

“I’m in a body that isn’t saying the right things. It’s not me,” I explained. “I feel like I’m wearing a rubber suit all the time and nobody can see me inside it.”

Welcome to living with a female body under patriarchy! Join the feminists who are trying to bring the system down for everybody, not just the few special souls who are Not Like The Other Girls.

Exactly waddle

Their faces

I wonder what the new thing will be in 50 years for those who feel different to everyone else. At one time it was enough to show you felt different by being a punk, a goth, a rocker or a metal head. People identified as different through their music and dress style. Now it's all about gender. It makes my head hurt. I was a rock chick and felt different to many of my friends. Didn't fit it etc. Normal teenage angst maybe. At no point did I even think about my gender beyond the fact I was a girl. People are far too introspective these days and it's not a good thing.

Hey there trans-phobes, how’s it hanging in the Land of Judgement?

Possibly the Land of Non-Binary Snowflake Judgement, thank you very much.

But hey, let's explore your little trans brolly shall we? Trans, as in 'Genuine Transwomen' move (apparently, lol) from male to female, even though impossible. Yet you include 'wannabes', who maybe male one day, female another, and yet-to-be-decided on another day.

Doesn't that actually make a mockery of your own transness?

Will wait for an answer on that one.

I keep saying that we could avert a lot of teenage transitions by bringing back emo...

Hey there trans-phobes, how’s it hanging in the Land of Judgement?

I would appreciate it if you could read the article and define in precisely what way/s the writer is 'trans'.

(You may call it the Land of Judgement. I prefer the 'Land of Low Bullshit Tolerance'.)

Land of Reality...

Oh, Land of Reality, that pesky thing!
And not the Land of Outrageous Narcissism.

how’s it hanging...?

Surely this question can only be answered by someone with a penis?

I read this article elsewhere,the thing that really hit me was the point other people have made which is how dies she think everyone else feels?I couldn't contemplate getting married in the kind of dress she describes - the reaction of both DD and myself to going to my nieces wedding was "but...would I have to wear a dress??"
But I don't want to identify as non binary - because that is validating the existence of a binary in the first place.I think identity is a spectrum,the whole emphasising of a binary is selling everyone short.

I am a plain old heterosexual woman and I have been married twice. Both times I spent about 10 minutes choosing my dress. I may not be full-on girly-girl but I don't see myself as a tomboy either. I just don't like fuss.

The author of this piece has got herself tied in knots about a dress?

As a pp said, haven't people heard of Katharine Hepburn? She was dressing in men's clothes in the 1930s without a big song and dance about it.

I did read the article…..

Hey there trans-phobes
Lol, do you really think only 'trans-phobes' are going to take the piss out of this idiot? I've got news for you, no one outside of tumblrland takes any of this non binary shit seriously. You/ they are nothing more than one massive laughing stock amongst 99.9% of the population.
Have a nice day

I kind of agree about bringing back emo 😆 I was also a rock chick, I spent my teens running around with boys who wore dresses and make up (a la Brian Molko, Bowie etc), girls with undercuts and tattoos and piercings. We all snogged whoever, very fluid... some turned out to be gay, some not. It's just being a teenager, figuring out who you are.

As a dyke (without sparkly wellies unfortunately), and as someone who seems to prefer Katharine H to other wonderful women (although I agree about rear window BTW) -- I find that I don't actually disagree too much with slash fiction. I think the more intriguing question is what it says about women if they prefer to write about 2 men, rather than a man and a woman. According to what Joanna Russ had to say, it wasn't primarily heterosexual women? And science fiction has always been a useful genre for women. Plus I think slash fiction is very distinct from gay fiction.

Mind you I'm still a bit puzzled by the lesbians who seem to like male on male gay porn............

"Mind you I'm still a bit puzzled by the lesbians who seem to like male on male gay porn............"

Yeah, that one puzzles me too.

I agree that gay fiction is completely different from slash. Re. slash, with straight women, I think there's sometimes a motivation I can get on board with, which is to use fiction to examine what a romantic relationship could look like stripped of the sexist power imbalances inherent in heterosexual relationships. This I can understand - though I find it more challenging as a writer to write het relationships where I try to imagine what it would be like to strip those power imbalances out of a het setup. (There's also a big element of finding an excuse to imagine blokes with ripped bodies, which if you're straight can be entertaining... and according to some women I've talked with, there can be an element of taking the "other woman" out the picture so you don't feel jealous .)

Late to to this, but enjoying the hilarious narcissism and the lovely Grace frocks

I always like the swimming costume she wore in High Society. A wee bit longer and it would make a fine frock

Taking out the sexist power imbalances, possibly adds to why some formerly straight women identify as trans and as gay men. And for the formerly straight men they may be involved with, just occurred to me would be even better opportunities for them to do anal (because after all what is seen as almost defining sex for gay men or at least the part that people usually get all back-against-the-wall about!). Transmen who want to date actual gay men (like dear Owen Jones), have, so I hear, a much harder time because apart from the willing-bottom slot in gay porn, they won't have (even after surgery) what most gay men seem to be looking for in a partner a penis.

I know fag hags can be an issue for some gay men, but I'm not aware that slash fiction is, or straight women appropriating gay male porn. Straight men and supposed lesbian porn, totally different kettle of fish (pun not intended -- but about as sexist as supposed lesbian porn!).

I think opting out of pornified culture which treats women as sex objects and second-class citizens is a huge part of the drive among young women to identify as "queer", whether that's trans, non-binary, demi-sexual, asexual, or any of the rest of the alphabet soup. I can completely understand the motivations, I just don't agree with the proposed solution.

"I always like the swimming costume she wore in High Society. A wee bit longer and it would make a fine frock"
Bingo! Katharine Hepburn in 'The Philadelphia Story' and 'High Society' finally gives us the Kelly/Hepburn link!

'The Philadelphia Story' is the better movie, mind (I love 'High Society', but it's not a patch on its source material).

Fermats

I think opting out of pornified culture which treats women as sex objects and second-class citizens is a huge part of the drive among young women to identify as "queer", whether that's trans, non-binary, demi-sexual, asexual, or any of the rest of the alphabet soup. I can completely understand the motivations, I just don't agree with the proposed solution

Yes. For every young woman wanting make her boobs bigger, there's one wanting them to disappear. The two are linked

I get the impression that a lesbian might have a difficult time swerving an approach by a transwoman without the risk of being "transphobic" whereas if she's queer/non-binary, turning a transwoman down has more validity and so less risk.

My favourite Katharine Hepburn pic. Just because.

Plus my first two style crushes.

Watch and learn, Claire. Watch and learn.

I wanted to be any/all of them when I grew up. Sadly I grew into a slightly rumpled, short, dumpy, wrinkly sort of middle aged woman instead. Sigh, Diana Rigg in the Avengers.