"Planning my wedding as a non-binary bride"

[53rdWay]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jun/05/planning-my-wedding-as-a-non-binary-bride

"When I walk down the aisle this time, in front of every person who knows me, it will be as someone who lives in their body. Not a bride on a cake, but as myself, a person who is too complicated for the simple rituals that are the pattern of our lives."

Unlike the rest of us, who are 100% cool with compulsory femininity and aren't nearly complicated enough to be more than cake-decoration brides!

It's annoying but I feel more sorry for her than anything. This, e.g.:

“I’m in a body that isn’t saying the right things. It’s not me,” I explained. “I feel like I’m wearing a rubber suit all the time and nobody can see me inside it.”

Welcome to living with a female body under patriarchy! Join the feminists who are trying to bring the system down for everybody, not just the few special souls who are Not Like The Other Girls.

Non-feminists (men especially) would be laughing their arses off

Women! Be nice!

Not a bride on a cake, but as myself, a person who is too complicated for the simple rituals that are the pattern of our lives."

I read that sentence with an open mouth and then burst into spontaneous loud train laughter. I promise I did!

Naughty Guardian spoiling us with this click bait.

I can't think of many people who wouldn't see this as self indulgent twaddle.

.... if they could be bothered to finish it.

I am not 'just' a person.

Nooooo I am truly far too complex a creation for you mere mortals to even begin to comprehend. I am in fact a God - no I am life force. THE lure force. I am the very existence of nature - call me by my name in whispered tones - call me Fekko (in a frumpy dumpy middle aged womans body).

And - now I may be being unkind here - hands up whose husband would say 'ok that's cool let's get married anyway' if you dropped into conversation (during wedding planning) the fact that you weren't really sure if you were Martha or Arthur - and couldn't rule out a sex change in the future.

Vipers.

If you hate yourself and want your brain to explode read <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=electricliterature.com/why-are-so-many-gay-romance-novels-written-by-straight-women-e1ad2ad2f5c8" target="_blank">this by the same author..^

Wow. Fuck. Me.

She is saying at length how "straight women" who write "queer" fiction are appropriating her queerness as a trans person.

I was excited to see more indie presses focusing on LGBTQ stories and choosing romances that were complex, interesting, and dealt with issues like domestic violence or adoption. As a queer, trans reader, I looked forward to seeing myself in their pages. But I was surprised to find that some LGBTQ-focused stories were reflecting not me, but a straight person’s imagination of me.

What tosh.

Ugh. Another one of those cool girls who is Not Like Other Girls.

Actually, re. that article (as someone who reads and writes fanfic, and therefore knows there are a hell of a lot of straight women out there writing gay romances), barring the fact that the author is no more "gay" or "queer" than I am, she does actually have a point. There are screeds and screeds of "slash fiction" written by straight women which are the female heterosexual equivalent of a bloke in a dirty mac walking into the adult shop (in my youth, back when VHS was a thing) and asking for "Lipstick Lesbians Get It On 3". And I do think it's appropriation and a bit weird (especially when the het authors try to then shoe-horn gay relationships into some sort of totally regressive "men are from mars, women are from venus" shitty trope, where they insist that one partner is "top" and the other is "bottom", then start flame wars with one another over who's got it the right way round...)

Yes, when I read it previously, Fermat, I thought the author was in fact gay / trans and I agreed with her point of view. Straight women writing trashy romances about their fantasy idea of gay male romance is no better than straight men fetishizing lesbians. And she does still have a point, even though she does not appear to be gay or have had gay relationships, at least.

But WHY write an article about appropriating gayness when she is herself, in fact, appropriating gayness by writing the article and saying she is gay / trans when she is not?

The mind boggles...

"The vast majority of gay romances are written by women. White women. Straight, white women. Straight, white women who, in their “about the author” sections, talked about their husbands, children, cats, chickens, and love of artisanal cured meat"

Blimey, won't she feel a fool when she avails herself of the Salami platter. No to mention the husband she seems to have aquired

I think she needs her hubbie to buy her one of those personalised picture books they advertise on the telly. The ones where she goes on adventure and picks up the letters of her name from friendly animals

I think she has a point but as a straight, white woman she really should be wondering why she feels entitled to castigate other women for doing exactly what she's doing.

Maybe she doesn't have a cat and she's vegan which sets her apart from all the rest of those cishet dullards.

I remarked on what she said entirely for that reason.

I just can't deal with this level of rabbit-holery

orchid its spelled a-r-s-e not r-a-b-b-i-t

Yes, the fact that she saw fit to write it in the first person rather than the third person - "I as a queer person [who isn't really queer at all] am offended" rather than "it's rather odd that there are all these straight women appropriating gayness and incorporating it into their sexual fantasies..." - that's the bit that grates so much. But then her whole signature style is "me, me, me, me, me." (It makes me think of the "Helmet of Truth" bit in the sitcom Coupling, where the helmet enables the other characters to hear what's really going on in someone's head when they're talking - the raging narcissist is ostensibly discussing furnishing fabrics, but the soundtrack in her head is going "me, me, me...")

StealthPolarBear
So most non feminists wouldn't think this to be a pile of crap? More fool them

Er, no there are a few posts on here which had some sympathy for her. I doubt non- feminists and men would waste any time on it.

"cishet dullards" - love it

MuddyForestWalks 10/10, hilarious :)

She sounds like really hard work!

@FermatsTheorem yes, agreed. Also a weirdly virulent strain of internalised misogyny in slash-oriented fandom (at least there was years ago, back in my day back when all this was fields).

She does have a point about slash fiction ( not that I've ever read any, so I actually have no idea what I'm talking about) but how is she a a queer, trans reader?

Anyone seen the episode of supernatural where the winchester brothers realise that someone has been writing slash fiction about them