A bare breast on a t-shirt at a conference

[poopsqueak]

I was at a conference yesterday with many speakers.

The audience was of a digital nature.

One speaker came on stage with a t-shirt with a woman with a bare breast on (faded and 'artsy') and I didn't think much of it. He was 35, male and talking about an organisation he had founded. The talk was very interesting.

When the next speaker started the conference organiser came on stage and apologised for the t-shirt of the previous speaker and said he hadn't seen it prior to the speaker going on stage and mentioned a 'Twitter incident'

When the next speaker started half the audience were on their phones seeing what the 'incident' was. I found this very rude to the speaker who was speaking while lots of people were looking at their phones.

Turns out a person had left in the prior speaker posting on Twitter saying that they were 'shaking with anger' at the t-shirt and 'crying in the toilet'. They used the official conference hash so people could see. People began discussing and the person who was upset sent a lot of tweets about it.

I'm really in two minds about this. I don't think the t-shirt was great, but the guy said he was jet lagged and had come straight from the plane so maybe hadn't changed. I feel torn between the sides of a speaker wearing a sexualised t shirt on stage and what I see as a another person who I think has had gross overreaction that has cause upset for the conference runners.

I feel like the guy who ran the conference apologised as soon as he could and did what needed.

To further confuse me, the person who was upset then accosted the guy with the shirt outside and they had words. The person then tweeted that they had felt victimised by the shirt wearers language.

Really I just want some others perspectives on this incident as I am I two minds. I am all for (and talk actions to ensure) the progression of women in tech, but feel the slightly hysterical reaction to a t-shirt mire the message? What do you think?

Sigh at 'take it you're not a feminist'

@poopsqueak: Honestly can you say that you would ever be 'crying and shaking' in the toilets because you saw some idiot in an offensive top?

Yes. There was a company called Solid Gold Bomb who created a line of print-on-demand shirts based on the "keep calm and $verb $object" theme. They didn't sanitise the word lists they fed to the shirt-creating script and ended up advertising shirts that said "keep calm and rape her". I don't think any got sold before the design was pulled, but had someone worn a shirt like that to give a presentation, I would have been crying in the loos. I once walked out of a post-workshop drinks session because someone told this homophobic joke that is predicated on rape being OK and I no longer felt safe, and in hindsight I should have complained to the organisers.

Attitudes like yours reinforce the idea that, not only do women in tech have to be highly-competent, but they also have to be willing to tolerate constant reminders that some of their male colleagues think of them as sex objects. This immediately puts women at a disadvantage because men in tech do not face this daily objectification.

The hashtag for the conference is tdc18 if anyone is interested in reading the twitter side of it.

I was at a science lecture just this week (not university, one of those A Pint of Science things, in a pub).

One speaker, a male about 60 who seemed to pride himself on being jocular and ‘edgy’ showed a slide/pic of a young female scientist surrounded by African children (the subjects of his worthy research). He described the slide by saying ‘and that’s Kim, whose not the lead on our xxxx operations, I just put her in because she’s hot and hotter than her boss!’. There was a bit of a titter, but mainly shocked silence.

In the Q&A, a young female scientist put her hand up and really calmly raised it. She was succinct, mature and didn’t ‘go him’. She explained why it was wrong, and how this stuff affects people like her when it is allowed to be perpetuated without comment in the public realm. She got a standing ovation. He went beet red, apologised to her, us, and assured us he would apologise to the women in person. He deleted the slide there and then.

I can’t help but think this is the right way to go. A social media storm would no doubt have resulted in a huge distraction to no useful end. The research would have been likely de-funded, a career ended. The two women dragged into the spotlight. Bad repercussions for the lecture series. I acknowledge these injustices need the air and sunshine of being exposed, but if everything melts down in the glare it doesn’t lead to progress, for mine.

I just wonder if you would reflect on your first and strongest reaction being to shame the women for her reaction and to disbelieve her description of the confrontation with this man. Rather than focusing on the very much larger problem of men like this thinking this sort of thing is ok, and being defiant about it.

This is her blog post about it

thayerprime.wordpress.com/2018/05/18/a-code-of-conduct-only-means-something-if-its-enforced/

If people are interested

@aloneandginger Would you cry or get angry if it was on tv or a movie.

This wasn't on TV, this was in a professional environment where misogyny is endemic even though it shouldn't be. And FYI I have had to switch off the TV, cry, and take a bath after seeing a rape scene, because it reminded me of my own rape. For all you know, the complainant is a revenge porn or voyeurism victim and a porn tshirt reminds her of the crime she's been subjected to. Or, as PPs have indicated, she tried to deal with the shirt wearer in person, got nowhere, and is crying with frustration and anger.

I hadn't actually read the blog post but thanks for posting.

@skittlesandbeer mainly shocked silence

That reaction is what allowed the young woman to speak out. She already knew most people there were on her side. The OP's scenario is not the same.

@skittlesandbeer wrote mainly shocked silence

I wrote |That reaction is what allowed the young woman to speak out. She already knew most people there were on her side. The OP's scenario is not the same.^

Specifically, that the speaker in the OP's scenario had got past conference reception and the MC/compere/announcer without anyone saying a word about the sexualised image displayed on the front of his body.

Great blog... well articulated and clear. The t shirt wearer was at fault, and the organiser shouldn't have made the apology all about the woman and twitter. Its the shirt that was inappropriate. Disrupting the next talk to direct people to social media, including naming the woman and her twitter handle, makes the apology moot.

It was basically "I'm sorry you were offended" and minimises the original action (which based on his twitter after was in no way an accident.)

I'm a woman in tech and t shirts like this are a gatekeeping tool for mysogynists. We've come so far, but we have a long way to go. Platform owners need to step up and take responsibility.

Only a misogynistic twat would wear a t shirt like that.

I'm beyond bored of excuses being made for stupid men with no sense of proprietry who pretend they don't know they're bring offensive. If it were a woman sporting a dick pic t shirt you'd be trampled in the apoplectic rush.

'Gross over-reaction'
'Hysterical'

I guess you're him, seeking support for your oafishness🙄

Even a man turning up.on a date wearing that would have me running a mile, although of course I realise if it has 2 legs and a cock that's enough for some women to bow down anyway. & that's without the non-fussy (when it comes to men) crew.

The fucker wanted a reaction and got one. So what.

I hold her responsible for propagating a stereotype that women react in emotional/hysterical ways. Honestly can you say that you would ever be 'crying and shaking' in the toilets because you saw some idiot in an offensive top?

I would not be, but unlike you I understand that other women are not me and that we may react to things differently.

@kanyewesticle: I'm a woman in tech and t shirts like this are a gatekeeping tool for mysogynists

This so much. The blogger's last scteencap, about her daughter's reaction, is why once again I'm wondering whether I should quit and do something else, because I'm left feeling like a procuress grooming girls for a career of abuse instead of a programmer helping the next generation.

Tweeting is positively encouraged by conferences these days. I can’t see why she should have waited and complained quietly.
What’s more surprising is if she was the only one to complain - could one of the many men I expect were there have done so?

Only a misogynistic twat would wear a t shirt like that.

Absolutely. As his later tweets showed.
Other people at the conference were also unimpressed by his shirt and by him more generally.

I'm definitely not the man in question, that's for sure. 100% female. Said it before but I feel I have reiterate : I think the t-shirt was stupid but don't feel the massive offence some others have.

She said the conference leader gave her twitter handle out, that's an outright lie. The conference leader said ' I seem to have upset a great friend of mine, for which I apologise. ' as if a major tech conference would share the twitter handle of a complainer in between speakers. TDC is. A well run, well organised conference and has been for 11 years.

There are other inaccuracies in that blog post and m unfortunately on reading it has cemented my opinion that the issue was amplified for the story. What a shame. I feel I may be party to this now sharing on here so probably won't post any more.

How could any conference organiser have let him past into the stage without ‘here’s a spare shirt, yours isn’t appropriate’. SHE wasn’t the problem, HE was the problem. Her blog post versus his response underscores that. It just continues to reinforce tech as a playground for ‘manly men’.

I agree with the posters objecting to the shaming of the woman. This is happening daily in the media in situations where women raise an objection. How she did it is always ripped to pieces in much greater volume and viciousness than what he did.

I know I would be shaking if anything happened to me, as I know this is how I would be dealt with if I spoke up. I've learned to speak up and deal with the consequences, but it still generates an extraordinary level of anxiety. Self harming on a daily basis with alcohol is an epidemic in women dealing with this shit daily. And yet we still wonder why there is a pay gap.

He is a horrible, misogynistic man who either has no empathy or social graces or worse knows what he is doing and simply doesn't care.

Her twitter feed and blog make her sound like a bit of a drama queen. The more I read on Twitter the more I think I'm not missing anything. I wouldn't want to work with or for either of them.

If you sit on a women in tech board how can you not realise the issues with this sort of stuff, and dismiss it as "stupid"?

Btw, I'm not offended, I'm angry, irritated, saddened, disappointed.

But OP why are you so focussed on her response and her actions rTher then looking at the inappropriate clothing he was wearing. No one should wear clothing that features sexualised images of people in a presentation to professionals. Why aren’t you interested in that rather than your dislike of her response to it and her subsequent actions? His twitter response should show you his lack of professionalism and care for others sensibilities.

I agree assassinated , ‘ offended’ is such a trite word.
I’m disappointed and angry, but most of all not surprised.

Said before but I feel I have reiterate : I think the t-shirt was stupid but don't feel the massive offence some others have

Yes because it's all about you isn't it🙄

If you're not him, you're doing an excellent job of coming across as if you are. Even in the face of clearreasons why such inappropriate wear could be triggering for some women...it's all about you, and other women are 'hysterical'.

& even if a woman was hysterical - so what? You've no idea of the level to which she was triggered, and why.

I can't imagine he was impressive in any way or that people were impressed. Sounds like a sexist nerd who wanted to appear edgy and it backfired.

Does he have stumps for fingers in that he couldn't take 3 minutes to slip another t shirt out of his suitcase or was he so important that he couldn't possibly do so?

Who'd give someone like that any form of serious job anyway.

Yes probably best not to post anymore, you might find a better reaction on an all lads together roaring sexism forum, where you can check your brain cells in at the door then froth about all those hysterical women out there. Tut tut