Your Teenage Child tells you they think they are Transgender

[sallyannemum]

Your teenage child tells you they think they are transgender, they have researched the subject on the internet and talked to others, What would your reaction be ?,

Truth- sorry to hear that you and your child are struggling. I don’t know where in the country you are or how old your child is but there are certainly therapists who will see children and young people to explore all of this things you wonder about. It’s not true that all therapists are scared of doing this. But equally for some young people medical intervention- such as hormone blockers does make them feel they can live their life happily again.
The op has has a different experience to you- and no doubt also loves and wants to support their child. I don’t think attacking either of you for how you try to find your way something very painful with your children is helpful. You- like your children and like the professionals are struggling with uncertainty and trying to find the best way forward.
You don’t believe it’s innate and you may well be right- but we don’t know- and whether innate or environmental or a cross between the two - surely what matters is helping these young people to feel they can live with themselves in the world again.

Far From,
I'm guessing you are possibly a member of a profession that explores gender as opposed to instant affirmation as you seem so sure that this is happening. I would love to meet those therapists. Can you recommend any?
The memorandum of understanding prevents exploration when a client does not wish to explore other reasons that may have directly or indirectly led them to this distortion in their thought processes. If my child went to therapist and said I am trans. The therapist cannot disagree.
My child is a teen. So not a child and is deemed to be able to consent. Not yet old enough to drive, marry, drink, get a tattoo but old enough to decide on cross sex hormones. What a strange world this is. We offer drugs that were never intended for this purpose and we do in the interest of the child. One reason is to prevent suicide as not letting our kids transition is touted as a suicide risk. All teens are highly susceptible to suicidal risks if they have mental health problems. The treatment was therapy and antidepressants. Not hrt.
I agree, different parenting styles are obvious between the op and people like me. We all believe we are acting in our child's best interest. We know our own kids. It irks me that this exploration and seeking to explore underlying issues is becoming harder and harder. Talking therapy has gone backwards. It's OK I accept your self diagnosis. What's the point in having a therapist if this is all they can manage. When medicine was the keeper of depression, anxiety and other mental health issues, bar the most serious psychiatric conditions such as schizophrenia for example, the therapists were advocating talk therapy as having a better outcome. As stated, where is the talking now. Back to drugs for our kids. The world is regressing. Similarly, our kids are regressing. You would think today our kids did not have to choose to be an other to express their personalities and do what they want in this world.
Debates around this issue are not getting covered by the people who we should trust. Therapists, doctors and teachers need to help all our kids. Surly this is a possibility.

Truth - you are right - it's like everything we have come to know about mental health has been thrown out of the window when it comes to a teenager identifying as transgender.

I have never been an activist. I try my best to look and understand all points of few but this is something that requires me to speak out. Messing with kids and their right to work through trauma or confusion is so wrong. Our society has forgotten teen difficulties. I may as well tell my child to go figure it all out for yourself and be who you want. You can be anything you want. Society means nothing anymore. You want, you get. So when you refuse to go to school or eat or sit up all night on your game that is you choice. You can do anything and my responsibility to you is to facilitate this. Wish my parents let me get away with it. I probably would not be here now if I had such free reign or I would be ferral.

Me neither. My child is over 18. I love them wholeheartedly and will continue to do so whether or not there is a permanent transition. But there is something so fundamentally messed up about this whole business. I am therefore a closet activist, as I can't risk alienating my child.

There's a couple of current threads which may be of interest with regards interpretation of law and developments of policies.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3253884-girlguiding-an-update

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3254152-Misgendering-is-illegal-and-boys-who-ID-as-girls-can-now-share-bedrooms-with-girls-on-school-trips

Truth- you can’t force exploration or therapy onto anyone. And hormone blockers are helping some young people to feel they can manage.
Actually with antidepressants too, it’s not either or- sometimes antidepressants allow young people (or adults) to get to a place where they can manage talking therapy. And sometimes people take antidepressants for life without ever wanting talking therapy and that’s okay too.
Have you (your child) been referred to the Tavistock- I think you might find it helpful.

Not an advocate of puberty blockers. For precocious puberty yes, but even then this has to be carefully considered.
Some people are on anti depressants for life and I would suggest this is because of endogenous depression, the clinical depression. Old fashioned name now but still the same thing. Long term use for reactive depression in my mind would not be advisable and for kids it is best in my opinion to explore and help them understand why they feel this way. Shutting down exploration and handing out just antidepressants is not good practice. The use of medication short term has the benefit of getting someone to a place where they can talk. I agree. Again I would hope this would be carefully monitored and reduced or stopped accordingly. With very little community after care this may not always be managed effectively. Serious mental illnesses is a different matter. Of course, some people don't want to explore but exploration needs to be an option. Self iding will also hamper exploration.
There is no one size fits all and both medicine and therapy have a place. It seems to me that the activists don't want therapy as this is seen as conversion. I don't have the answer to this. All I know is my child is less likely to explore because he has self diagnosed via the transgender sites and is convinced this is the truth. Wouldn't you as an impressionable teen, listen to people who are supporting your questioning. Or colluding I might add. I've listened to the kids on line too, telling others how to circumnavigate the gender clinics.
I didn't say antidepressants weren't useful. I said back in the day this would have happened. But now antidepressants are being replaced by HRT.
I'm afraid I have strong opinions on this and I have to disagree. Tavistock recommend therapy too but with the escalation of young people iding, they will not be able to provide a multidisciplinary service and medication may well be a way to help the service provider cope but I don't think it will help the service user.
I dont know the answer. I just know my child and I know medication is not the right choice.

I've listened to the kids on line too, telling others how to circumnavigate the gender clinics.
I don't think this is acknowledged enough or the possible implications explored or discussed. Due to online communities etc, young people are aware of protocols and the answers that will prompt certain responses eg the requirements for a GP to consider approving bridging hormones.