I am a transwoman, ask me anything.

[AriadneRose]

I have been following what has been going on here and on twitter, and thought maybe it would be helpful to open a dialogue that is not reactionary or fueled by anger. So I am offering my own personal perspective as a transwoman, and am willing to answer any questions people might have, and I will try to answer them thoughtfully, respectfully and honestly.

Note: I did not create this thread to stir up trouble, I just feel open dialogue from both sides is necessary for us to move forward.

Hi Ariadne and welcome,
It's brave of you to come here. I have a question:
Why do transpeople (don't expect you to answer for others, just yourself) fixate on binary genders? Why not just identify as Trans? What;s worng with trans as an identity in itself? Why the need to veer towards something you are not?

If you don't feel like a man and you have no idea what being a woman feels like why not just establish who you are as Trans - as a state in its own right? Why identify with a sex that has such powerful physical definitions that you cannot and never will be able to experience or understand first hand?

E.g. ime 25% of your whole life coping with griping stomach pains and wondering where the nearest loo is to be able to change sanitary protection; being pregnant; giving birth; menopause etc.)

Nor the subtle undertones of being raised a girl (being told pretty much every single day from the moment you hit adolescence to the moment you reach the invisible age of 50, to 'cheer up love', 'smile baby', 'look his way darlin' - to grow up feeling permanently watched and judged and found wanting simply because you are bait in the eyes of male strangers. And for that to be so commonplace you don't even realise how much it keeps you in your place.

These are formative experiences - the physical ones more so than the social but both are key in how they create an understanding within oneself of what it is to be a woman. I wonder how close your identity of womanhood is to mine, as outlined above.

I don't think I fully agree with Spaghettijumper's theory, but it's very very interesting.

It was just a case of me letting my experiences override the issues of women, and I am sorry that I diminished them with that statement, it was not my intent.

Fair enough, respect to you for saying that.

I do think this is a general problem within the transwomen community that they're so preoccupied with their own issues that they completely over-rides women's. The gender they say they want to join, and in some cases, represent.

The use of language is the thin end of the wedge - 'transwoman' becomes 'trans woman' becomes 'woman with trans experience', and we need to be very careful to understand exactly what it is that we are implying when we use the terms advocated by TRA, or even 'normal non-arsey trans' (even though we may in our heads mean 'not a woman'). Here too these attempts to get us to 'understand' and to 'explain to us' are the thin end of the wedge.

By 'explaining' in a way that we will 'understand' and by inviting questions in order to 'help' us to do so, it is an attempt to reify trans as a real thing. And by doing so, it is an attempt to at the very least position 'trans' as 'not men'. And if they are 'not men' then it is less of a step to get them to be seen as women.

If the bottom line is that they are men, why does understanding matter? What value will it add? What difference will it make? Why do we 'need' to understand? Female socialisation says that we 'need to understand', particularly where men are concerned. We need to be cautious.

The conversation: "I am a transwoman, ask me anything", needs to be had with other men. Not here with us.

** Disclaimer: making a general point and not making any assumptions about the OP, much less making any accusations. OK, MNHQ??

A thread to mansplain transwomen shows up that you don't get women's experience at all.

I've seen this a few times on MN. A trans woman explains their experiences, their views, their opinions, their struggles etc etc etc. And takes no notice of those expressed by women.

I'm afraid I concur.

Ask what you can do for women, OP, instead of appealing to female socialisation to persuade us into doing things for you.

We have several longstanding trans contributors hereabouts and that is what marks them out as supporters of women. The difference between them and your approach is, I'm sorry to say, highly illuminating.

@AriadneRose

You say "It was just a case of me letting my experiences override the issues of women, and I am sorry that I diminished them with that statement, it was not my intent."

That's exactly the point that people have been trying to make. You have to make yourself consciously consider the perspective and experiences of women. Women don't - we just have them.

I note by the way that you told us we could ask you questions in order to further understand where you are coming from. I note that no one has asked women if they can ask them questions in order to further their understanding of where women are coming from.

God, I hadn't thought about it that way, but you're right!

I still have sympathy though for an isolated and struggling person in an unaccepting society. I am very prepared to believe that someone who doesn't fit into either the 'male mould' or the 'female mould' will be given a tough time and that for that individual they can be given a harder life than the average woman.

DS certainly was, as a not very masculine boy at school. He was very much more physically targeted for it (then) than most of his female peers. That doesn't change anything about class analysis or average risk.

Do you think more could be done about the fact that nobody ever seems to bother men about this stuff?

What special acronym has been created for actual, for real transphobic men? Can't think of one.

But women who question gender and discuss the consequences of enforcing gender stereotypes are demonised as TERFs.

Why is it only women who have to be educated?

@Posie - that is exactly what I was thinking.

I can recall other threads a bloke has started in order to explain something to us, or so just announce his presence and invite us to ask him questions.

In these cases he usually gets his arse handed to him.

The conversation: "I am a transwoman, ask me anything", needs to be had with other men. Not here with us.

Yes.

The problems transwomen have are caused by other men. Change them, rather than wanting women to do the work & make the sacrifices for you.

You have a few advantages, such as being able to open your own jam jars.

You are not a woman you are a man.

Men are increasing deemed toxic and problematic in modern times, perhaps that is the underlying force pulling those with inchoate issues towards identifying as trans?
or maybe it's all the hormones in the water....oestrogenic pollution?

Why do TIM’s reject the idea of the provision of third, gender neutral spaces?

Why are TRA’s unwillingly to compromise and find solutions that work for everyone?

Hi Ariadne

Upthread you stated transgender people are afraid of losing their rights. Could you tell us exactly which of their rights are under threat?

I'm sure I don't have to explain to you that women have a very real fear of losing their rights to safety with self ID, and I'm sure I don't have to explain to you how women, from the moment they are conceived are under threat. Can I also ask which aspects of being a woman would you reject? Personally I'd like to live my life without the following:

20% pay disparity
Constant threat of sexual violence
Mansplaining!!! (especially as I work in IT)
Reduced employment and promotion prospects because of my perceived ability to reproduce.
The expectation that shit work, emotional labour, note taking and tea making is somehow linked to uterus ownership
The beauty industry etc
I'd also like to be able to go for a run without having my body commented on by random dudes.

Much as I'd like to, I cannot identify out of the Global Accords Governing The Fair Use of Women How much of this do you recognise in your own life and experience as a trans woman?

Minapaws Why identify with a sex that has such powerful physical definitions that you cannot and never will be able to experience or understand first hand? E.g. 25% of your whole life coping with griping stomach pains and wondering where the nearest loo is to be able to change sanitary protection; being pregnant; giving birth; menopause etc.

I wonder if it's partly because so much of that is hidden, sanitized, minimized, not shown on screen or in most literature? Maybe, because male transwomen know they can never experience any of that, it just gets filed by the brain as 'bit of womanhood not relevant to me' and phased out of the picture.

You should be talking to men about what it is about masculinity which makes men not want to be men anymore

I have so many questions and so few opportunities to ask without getting abused for asking the question

Why do so so many transwomen on twitter hate* women so much? I feel like I want to dip my brain in bleach after reading them and I just pick transwomen at random 😢

*Debbie Hatton and Kristina Harrison are lovely exceptions

Woman means adult human female

Female is of the sex class that produces ova and gestates young

We are actual people Ariadne. We're not a feeling of dissonance in your head. We exist.
We're not 'humans who are compassionate'
Or 'humans who have long hair'

We are actual, living, recognisable people. What we have in common - ALL WE have in common for certain is our bodies that contain a certain arrangement of chromosomes and a particular reproductive system, whether we reproduce with it or not.

Every one of us was created in and born from a woman. Every one of the billions of humans who exist now and who have ever existed came from the body of the woman who grew and birthed them.

You know who women are. You know what sort of lives we get in a world where men are making the rules.

Please strip away all the stereotypes you want to layer onto us. Give us the respect of recognising us for what we are and accept that we exist as an entity you cannot belong to

Lancelottie, that's an interesting perspective 🤔

At work I've always minimised the impact of my biology to avoid getting dismissed as unable to think by men by think a uterus and a brain are somehow connected 🙄 maybe we should be making more of a fuss 🤔

I had a huge amount of help offered on here for DD's crippling menstruation pains (still haven't worked out what we'll do if it buggers up her GCSEs), but she fiercely resisted me telling the school the real reason for her absences and appointments - it gets hidden away and whitewashed.

DH did try to tell me she must be putting it on, and surely most girls didn't make so much fuss about something normal.

Arse. Meet plate.

The problems transwomen have are caused by other men. Change them, rather than wanting women to do the work & make the sacrifices for you.

^ This

Ariadne thanks for your answer.

I think, as other people have said, the fundamental problem is not caused by people with genuine dysphoria but by those who claim to have an innate 'gender', even that they are 'genderfluid' and can slip between multiple gender identities. It's this idea that gender is inside a person instead of a social construct associated with each biological sex. Feminists have traditionally wanted to change or even abolish 'gender', but TRAs enforce it. They argue that a 'cis' woman is one who is okay with her gender as opposed to her sex.

I think that I understand your situation as far as I can. You might even be called 'truscum' by TRAs. What are your opinions on gender critical thought?

I get the impression that TIMs think that we should be flattered that they want to be women that they want to be one of us

@AriadneRose I think you’ve taken on a lot coming on here. It shows that women have a need to discuss this, and want to do so earnestly. I imagine you must feel it’s coming from all sides?

But I would like to know your thoughts on Self-Id and as my earlier question, what people who wish to transition stand to lose.

I’d also like to know what you think of the (for want of a better term) trans ‘poster girls’ such as India W, Paris Lees and Shon F? Because of their high media presence, are they damaging to the perception of trans women? They certainly don’t represent women,l.

Although they present as feminine, when they open their mouths their Maleness shows. It’s a bit like having Katie Hopkins being a Spokesperson for Mumsnet.

I'm hoping Ariadne will be another fine exception, SpareRib.