I am a transwoman, ask me anything.

[AriadneRose]

I have been following what has been going on here and on twitter, and thought maybe it would be helpful to open a dialogue that is not reactionary or fueled by anger. So I am offering my own personal perspective as a transwoman, and am willing to answer any questions people might have, and I will try to answer them thoughtfully, respectfully and honestly.

Note: I did not create this thread to stir up trouble, I just feel open dialogue from both sides is necessary for us to move forward.

do you think that not wanting to be a man is enough to make someone a woman

do you accept that a woman does not identify as a woman she just is

Do you find a notable difference in the way that men and women react to you (noted that massive generalisations unavoidable!)?

"the idea of feeling like a woman, as stupid as that may sound"

It does, a bit. I say that as a woman who doesn't know what that feeling could possibly be.

I don't feel like a woman, I just am one. Just like I don't feel like a human, I just am one.

From your answer to "What is a woman?" it seems that you believe what makes you one is that "feeling" you have. I'm telling you (and so will many others here) that I don't have that feeling. So, do you think that is because:

(1) Us females who don't have that "feeling" are actually men?

(2) We are lying?

(3) The "feeling" you have is a delusion or the symptom of a mental/neurological problem?

Oh and why are they so vitriolic about being misgendered and
Deadnamed. That happens all the time to me!

There is no possibility of anyone mistaking my actual name as a mans name yet I get letters addressed to Dear Sir, I've been called sir in person when I've been in male dominated spaces and honestly if you saw me in person there is no possibility of anyone mistaking me physically for a man (or a transwoman) and I've been called Mrs DHSurname more times than I can possibly ever count (but I do wish I'd started putting a £ aside every time)

All of that is an irritation but I've had to live with it and being an actual woman I've been expected to not make a fuss.

I believe 100% transwomen are women. I absolutely oppose anyone who misgenders you or questions whether you are a woman or not.

Can I ask based on what? If I want to identify as a black woman, is that ok too? I'm Caucasian. If I want you to treat me as a member of the royal family, is that ok too?

If not why not? Is being a woman based only on a subjective feeling?

www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/01/how-science-helps-us-understand-gender-identity/

What counts as transphobia?
Have you experienced it on this thread?

1 We have spoken to, know and in some cases are trans
2 Nobody hates anyone, unless they have done something to deserve that
3 We don't need educating

Who is we?

Schrodingers' answer is resonant of many male liberal types - describe themselves as "cis-man" or "cis-hetro" with no clue as to what it actually means, and when you ask there is silence, or the response is simply along the lines of "I want to be inclusive, and a LGBT rep told me."

@BeyondParody

To be completely honest? I would repeal the 8th in a heartbeat. I value my own bodily autonomy, and I think it is disgusting that there is a law that takes away a womans right to choose what she does with her body. The 8th effects way more people than gender identity does, in my own opinion.

Thank you AriadneRose

Just one more question for me for now:

Do you think that the use of language is problematic in this?

I am of the opinion that women see a 'colonisation' of their language which means they feel they will be express themselves or important issues to them. There is a real desire to protect those words as a result.

Whereas trans women feel that want to be included in those words in order to be included. There is a feeling that if differences are acknowledged then they won't be accepted as women.

At the heart of the problem of this is an idea that transwomen have to ignore their differences and pretend they don't exist rather than celebrate them in their own right.

If this issue could be worked on and the idea that separate words for certain things were acceptable as well as an inclusivity socially in certain circumstances and more work done on trans exclusive facilities and services in parallel there would be much fewer problems.

That we can not get past this, is where the issues lie.

Ahhh I sympathise on the biscuits believe me :)

I think what you’re describing is actually very different to the current crop of TRA activists. You are aware that you are Male but would rather not be and I have a fair degree of sympathy with that. It must be distressing.

The TRA lobby however is insisting that transwomen ARE female, and that’s when we get issues. They also deny gender dysphoria exists, which again is not your lived experience. I think if they get their way people in your situation will actually find it harder to access treatment because of that denial of dysphoria.

I want you to be able to live without fear and to be able to get in a bus without fear, and just live your life normally. I think the rights you have already should be sufficient for that (alas nonlegislating for individual harassers but anyone inflicting violence on anyone needs dealing with by the law.)
What I also want is the rights of women and girls to be upheld. I worry that self ID would reduce safeguarding provision, and remove women’s protections. So I suppose my question is how would you like things to proceed in terms of the law and society?

Hi Ariadne

Thank you for your answers so far. You may have answered this (but I stayed up drinking gin watching the election results so I’m not quite with it). How would you define ‘transphobia’?

I also wonder how you feel about the current breadth of the ‘trans umbrella’

Like I said, it's not my IAMA, @gendercritter. I am stating my support for @Ariadne and putting forward my opinion, but I'm going to let the questions be answered by her from here while I go find out what the CF wine-glass crazies are doing

schrodinger that is an op ed piece. It’s not peer reviewed science and it says nothing about sex determination.

I am a scientist, I am a geneticist, I’ve done decades of work in things like development, and processes involved/going wrong in it.

Humans cannot change sex. That piece is talking about gender. Gender is largely a social construct.

Thank you ariad, good (and appropriately feminist ) answer!

Of course in any sane world the answer would be both (I'm in Wales, we don't even have the one yet)

Wow, this is a lot of questions very quickly, so sorry for the slow responses. I have seen a few people ask similar questions so I will address them now.

A reflection on the need and desire for problem debate that has been restricted...

Take your time. (and if it gets too much, take time out and don't feel obliged to answer).

People won't agree on everything, but these type of conversations are massively important.

@Step I've seen posts that transsexuals want to be female. I sort of get that as if someone made me live a male life I'd be pretty furious..

I appreciate you (appear to be) finding your feet in the whole debate, so in that spirit... what do you think "live a male life" means?

How do you describe it, what does it entail? (which then begs the same question for "female life")

Welcome to the sisterhood.... I know that was well meant but isn't that a bit patronising, which kind of cancels out the rest of the message?

Ariadne you'll find many mentions around the threads of the understood need for third spaces to be provided - no one should have to be in situations where they feel unsafe - and to address the root cause of the unsafety which is male violence. Removal of gender stereotypes which all boil down to policing toxic masculinity would also do the most to address your feeling at risk when you walk out of the door.

I'm gender critical, I believe that anyone should be able to dress, present and do whatever they want without regard to gender stereotypes, and do so without harassment, abuse or embarrassment. Education around removal of gender stereotypes, sexism and serious work needed on male violence to achieve that.

I also believe in sex segregation because women need it. The small number of gender dysphoric transsexual people who are legally women have been using those sex segregated spaces for decades without it being a problem. Self ID where any guy anywhere at any time could just access any and all women's spaces at will, no. The current situation allows many situations where self identified women are free to do whatever, but also allows a specific group or person to opt out if they feel the situation needs to be restricted to biological women only. ie a woman wanting a female heath care professional, or a women's refuge. Works for everyone, I don't see a need for that to change - or an ethically justifiable reason why anyone would want this to be removed.

Third spaces as an alternative for people who don't feel comfortable in the facilities specific to their biological sex when it comes to situations of privacy and dignity, absolutely. These would probably need to take the form of single use floor to ceiling cubicles to meet all needs as effectively as possible. I'll very gladly help a campaign for those to be provided and a tight time frame for the provision much as the Disability Discrimination Act worked. Set number of third space cubicles to be provided according to the average number of users of the space, time scale taking into account size of facility and budget as the DDA did, and government/LA grants to be set aside to support this happening.

Do you think it's right to doxx women and send death threats to a pregnant woman and hope her baby is stillborn? Do you support people like SF, MB and LM?

I like the way that Bowlofbabelfish puts it.

Just really repeating that - do you feel that the current moves for this broad scope of "transgender identify" applies to you? Do you think it could be harmful to you?

Hi Ariadne,

Leaving aside the 'How do you define a woman?', can I ask how you personally define a transwoman?

How far down a route does someone have to go, in your view, before you would call them a transwoman or a woman?

Change of name? First appointment? Hormonal treatment? Persistence in these?

Or is it 'anyone who says so however briefly and inconsistently' (which really grinds my gears)?

I know I have a huge amount to learn about psychology and try not to dismiss identities/core beliefs too rapidly. Off topic, but I've just found out about the rubber hand illusion (non-dodgy - it's when someone can be made to feel that an artificial hand is their own hand, by watching it being touched at the same time as their own) -- that was an eye opener!

Puberty is one of the roughest times for a trans person, because that is when you body really starts to change, and for dysphoric people, it is cruel.

That's interesting - do you know that's the same for non-trans too? Puberty was hell - I went from a person, just being me, to having all these dangly, wobbly bits getting in the way and drawing attention, and uncontrollably bleeding for 1 week in 4. - I think that in the grip of your own issues, people can forget that other people don't have it easy either..

@RedToothBrush

To be perfectly frank, I feel that a lot of trans people are oversensitive about language. I think we are choosing the wrong hills to die on. I am more concerned about discrimination, violence, suicide, access to healthcare. Yes words can hurt, but words can't kill. I think there is also a certain sense of trying to blend in, to hide. If I look like a woman, and call myself a woman, I am erasing a target on my forehead. But I am a transwoman. I acknowledge my history, but try to focus on my present and future.

In respect to misgendering and dead naming. I am fine with it, if it is a slip of the tongue or a genuine mistake. It is when it is used as a weapon to bludgeon me with that it hurts. As I said above, words can't kill you, but it stings when someone finds out I am trans and suddenly starts calling me 'he' and a 'man'. Me being honest about my identity should not be an open pass to try and hurt me.

re that pesky question of identity - are you able to articulate the difference between feeling like your body should be female and the other aspects?

i.e. what behavioural traits do you associate with being "female"? What emotions"