I am a transwoman, ask me anything.

[AriadneRose]

I have been following what has been going on here and on twitter, and thought maybe it would be helpful to open a dialogue that is not reactionary or fueled by anger. So I am offering my own personal perspective as a transwoman, and am willing to answer any questions people might have, and I will try to answer them thoughtfully, respectfully and honestly.

Note: I did not create this thread to stir up trouble, I just feel open dialogue from both sides is necessary for us to move forward.

Simple questions.

Do you accept that people don’t agree with “wo/man is a feeling”? Or do you consider this “transphobic”.

Do you think sex segregated spaces should no longer be based on sex (I.e. the biology of our two part definition of woman) but instead on “feelings”?

Not yes/no questions.

Why are transwomen the ‘problem’ and not transmen?

In the same spirit, why have we had male women of the year but not the other way round?

Why does it seem to be that transmen just wanna get on with it but transwomen are the ones driving thr language policing and invade women’s spaces?

Why are trans people, again especially TIMs, fighting for access to women’s spaces, rather than fighting for their own? If all women tomorrow agreed and called themselves X and achieved everything they did over centuries overnight, would you think transwomen would be happy to say in “women’s” spaces or demand access to X’s spaces?

Irrespective of the rest of the argument, why should one group have the right to say “let us in” but another no “leave us be”?

Hi @AriadneRose, hope you're liking MN :)

I've been told that the meaning of 'female' or 'woman' should be based entirely on whether you have a 'female feeling'.
And when women say 'but I've never had such a feeling', they say 'you have it but you don't realise because your F-body and F-mind are in synch'.
So we're being asked to trust that we feel something but aren't aware of it simply because approx. 2% of the population is aware of such a feeling.
We're told we're women not because there is a consensus that this arbitrary signifier should stand for 'the female sex', because those of that sex have specific, unique concerns that those of the male sex don't, and we need to communicate about them via language, that's our cisnormative conditioning speaking. We're told instead it's because deep down we possess an affinity with the letters f-e-m-a-l-e, in that order (it can only be an affinity to the letters themselves of course because no one would ever say that they are female due to liking 'feminine' things, or say that what makes you female is when you want to be treated as female people are in this world, would they). If it were m-l-e-a-f-e, who knows, perhaps we wouldn't.

Not only are we talking about something that no one else but the person themselves can vouch for, but something that most of those who've grown up using the 'F' category can't even vouch for at all. So in the end we are being asked to base these hugely significant social, legal and medical categories on what is in most people an unconscious feeling that they themselves must somehow identify the subset of (M or F).
→ If something is unknowable, what is its social, legal and medical use?

But then, this feeling, when described, seems to primarily take the form of feeling that your sex doesn't match your mind (am discounting descriptions of a 'female' essence which vary wildly in all but name). So rather than this mismatch being a trigger, it most often turns out that this is the feeling itself, that 'not-feeling-male' is by default 'feeling-female'. And so in fact it is always a conscious feeling (unless the argument is that everyone is born transgender with a mismatched mind and body but few realise it). Following that to its logical conclusion, we can then only pick our M/F category once we are a) conscious of b) a mind/body mismatch.
→ So then what is the point in allowing the continued social, legal and medical significance of M/F categories, to the degree they are recognised today, if these criteria only apply to a small proportion of the population?

I'm sorry if you've been caught in the crossfire on Twitter but the above does get tiring (not saying you believe it). It's an insult to everyone's intelligence, we all know it, but it's so well insulated against challenge as we're told this is tantamount to driving people to suicide.

If I don't feel like a woman but have XX chromosomes, female reproductive organs & female secondary sexual characteristics then what am I according to trans-idealogy?

I also don't feel like a man.

Am I a non-person?

@Spaghettijumper I read a fascinating article once by a woman in WW11, who said that one of the reasons for the birth of western feminism was that women had to take over trad male roles while the men were at war and realised how much cushier life was being 'hard at work all day' than the work they had running homes and caring for children. It was an eye opener, and they lost respect for the myth that the chap needed pipe and slippers after an 'exhausting' day driving a tractor or steam engine or reading the FT in his office.

The fact that transgenderism is a minor phenomenon isn't by itself enough to exclude trans people from "social, legal and medical significance". Look at the Welsh language preservation schemes and money invested in that minor pursuit. Is Welsh language and culture even a thing? Maybe it's just a social construct. Well, it is of course. But the Welsh, nonetheless think it important.

The overwhelming reason why the advancement of the TG agenda needs to proceed with caution is because TG rights infringe on women's rights.

MinaPaws
That makes so much sense.

MinaPaws, that what happened to my grandmother and her sisters. They had a fantastic time (when not being bombed) during the war lots of freedom and a wider variety of jobs. And subsequently didn't buy into the 'man's work' myth.

I well believe it @MinaPaws. Part of the reason I think men are so hostile to women in the working environment is that when women are there they can no longer spread the bullshit about how wonderful they are and how hard they work - women can see that they sit around in meetings talking shit about nothing and delay work to the end of the day so they can avoid going home to do real work - ie cleaning the house and looking after children.

There's a lot of guff about how 'diversity' helps companies to be more successful. IMO what that really means is that as soon as you have enough women to institute change actual work gets done, as opposed to perpetual dick swinging.

The only question i have - which you won't answer - is this.

If we took away gendered clothes, make up and accessories - for example everyone wore the same shirt, trousers, same haircut and no make-up - would you still class yourself as a different 'gender' to your birth sex?

If so - what is it that you class as female that makes you different from being male?

Part of the reason I think men are so hostile to women in the working environment is that when women are there they can no longer spread the bullshit about how wonderful they are and how hard they work - women can see that they sit around in meetings talking shit about nothing and delay work to the end of the day so they can avoid going home to do real work - ie cleaning the house and looking after children.

This is it EXACTLY.

But trans people do have rights! They can wear wtf they like; call themselves by whatever name they like, and use whatever pronouns they want (they can ask other ppl to use their pronouns and other ppl can of course decline.....none of this is illegal). They may get a few raised eyebrows if their outward appearance is a bit unusual, but again, that's not illegal. Some of us may say 'trans women are biologically still men' but that is not illegal, and removes no rights from anyone. No one has the right to insist on everyone agreeing with their opinion.

The sole right they do not have, as far as I can tell, is to make use of sex protected spaces. This is in order to protect the dignity, comfort and safety of natal women. This extends to the 'spaces' of sport, scholarships, grants and so on, because it is recognised women have different bodies and needs related to biology and socialisation (so for example, women have a harder time getting into politics, and may need a financial hand for training).

If there are other rights they are 'fighting for', then tell me! If it's thought trans people have a harder time getting into politics, then they can campaign for a similar hands-up.....but not at the expense of the similar hands up to women. 'Cos that is unfair.

Slitherout you have a compelling voice.

MinaPaws I can fully see this being the case. My gran was left to raise my mum and her sibling during the war. She did what it took to survive, seamstress and taking in lodgers along with any other odd job she could to put food on the table and help the war effort. She said things changed a lot once peace was declared and women were expected back in the kitchen. Sadly for her (and my mum) they both had very traditional marriages and my gran did give up work once the war was over.

Oh dear Adriade seems to have gone, I don't think you should start an AMA unless you're prepared to answer the questions.

TBH I can see the appeal being a woman in NI despite the legal problems. It is still a society of strong women and if you are part of a community of those strong women you have something very special, but those women doing all the heavy lifting in that society for little to no external validation.

But you have to put in the work to get the benefits

The question I always want to ask when offered the opportunity is: what are you doing for feminism? What feminist books have you read, which women's charities do you support, what kinds of feminist activism do you engage in?

I will admit my idea of womanhood for me personally is probably just a mishmash of stereotypes that have been handed down to me over the generations. To me women are usually more empathetic, less prone to violence. I know the women in my family are slow to anger, but when they do it is a fierce fire. This is all probably hippy dippy bullshit, and I am sorry if it comes across that way

Now here's the thing...

For decades feminists have been fighting the concept of gender stereotypes and the very idea that having any of these characteristics are uniquely female. Which you prove by just being you. With your support and willingness to work with women we have the power to completely eradicate the whole premise and do a fuck load of mind blowing things...

BUT INSTEAD....

Many Many transwoman have instead decided to grab hold of those very stereotypes, which are destroying even them, and tell the rest of us that we are defined solely by these stereotypes and if we do not comply, do not agree, we are bigoted terfs who deserve to die!

So you see I am not so sure just how much we need, or really want to,
compromise on what defines woman.

Your thoughts would be appreciated .

Thanks

persiancatlady Thanks for the suggestion! She’s a bit wary of trying anything new after the ‘five week period’ debacle when she tried back to backing the mini pill in order, supposedly, NOT to have a withdrawal bleed in between. Exams cover several weeks so she’d have to take it for quite a while, but I’ll have a google and ask the gp.

@LancieLottie
Norhisterone (check spelling) is often used by women to delay periods for holidays or weddings etc.

We have grown up with the privilege of our birth sex, and we forget that we are not entitled automatically to other resources because we change gender.

Thank you for acknowledging this.

Also, thank you for being open to the idea of protected third spaces. There are countless individuals in society that could benefit from private, safe accommodations, (those with medical issues, such individuals who must care for colostomies, urinary catheters, peritoneal dialysis, or administer injections for a variety of conditions). I am often under the impression that many trans-women reject the idea of third spaces because they want validation and full acceptance of their status as "women." In other words, ideology trumps safety.

However, I'd like to go back to something that you mentioned at the beginning of the thread. You note that puberty is especially traumatizing for trans individuals. I cannot state emphatically enough that puberty is traumatic for MANY humans, and that body dyphoria occurs in both sexes and all sexual orientations. I can recount to you story after story of adolescent patients engaging in destructive and self-harming behavior because of the profound effects of puberty. (Without going into detail, I can include myself.) Learning to accept one's body and changing roles and identities is not something exclusive to trans individuals.

Slightly changing the subject, I wonder how many men would still want to become transwomen if they had to actually suffer things like natal women.

Look at Lottie's DD., poor thing may find her GCSEs more of a struggle than they should be purely because of the fact her female body is doing its female thing.

(I mean this in the nicest possible way Lottie)

therealposieparker

Here's the crux of the issue, a person's subjective belief about who they are has no place influencing our laws. If the subjective beliefs of individuals had any real place in society women wouldn't need feminism.

This. Absolutely, 100% this.

@AriadneRose " I am feeling a bit overwhelmed" I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed and hope that some of this has been of use. I've not even had time to read it all. Anyway, all the best.

One thing that I don't get on MN is why start a thread and then not really participate in it?

I think it shows how interesting the issues are and indeed it would be useful to hear respectful answers from quite a few transwomen to all the interesting questions above.