I am a transwoman, ask me anything.

[AriadneRose]

I have been following what has been going on here and on twitter, and thought maybe it would be helpful to open a dialogue that is not reactionary or fueled by anger. So I am offering my own personal perspective as a transwoman, and am willing to answer any questions people might have, and I will try to answer them thoughtfully, respectfully and honestly.

Note: I did not create this thread to stir up trouble, I just feel open dialogue from both sides is necessary for us to move forward.

How can you be trapped in the wrong body it doesn't make literal sense, it's a metaphor which is used I presume to express a feeling of disatisfaction with physical form?

Also OP - consider how this push to access women’s spaces, to access our bodies is perceived by us.

For millennia, a woman’s ‘no’ has been irrelevant. We have been abused in every way possible with no legal right to say no. It’s only in the last few years that marital rape was made a crime. A woman’s ‘no’ literally meant nothing.

Then for a very brief period, we have had the right and the legal backing to say no. No to rape, to pregnancy, to violence.

And now, that is under threat - from men who want access to our spaces. Who want to claim they are us while simultaneously voiding our rights. By men who say lesbians have no right to say to Male bodies.

I see this as the single biggest threat to women’s rights this century. It has the potential to undo a century, several centuries worth of hard fought, hard won rights. No is once again starting to mean ‘maybe’ or ‘push harder.’

I cannot accept that. I just can’t. I want transpeople to be safe members of society. But that cannot happen at the expense of our ability to say no.

I really like these threads. Thanks Ariadne and welcome.

In all seriousness I think that you should post a similar OP onto more male dominated sites and see what happens. I think that would be really interesting.

can you suggest ways in which a transwoman (particularly one acting as a woman's officer) can help women with the following issues?

• menstrual health & issues surrounding period poverty
• access to contraception & termination of pregnancy, the physiological & psychological effects of both
• healthcare inequality - gynaecological issues such has menorrhagia, dysmenorrhea, endometriosis, PCOS, infertility, gynaecological cancers
• pregnancy and birth - both physical (loss of sexual function, incontinence, chronic pain and psychological (ante & post natal depression, post natal anxiety & OCD, peripartum psychosis for example)
• wife work
• domestic inequality & single parenthood, cost of child care.
• income disparity, burden of poverty falling on women.
• educations outcomes, particularly in high earning fields - STEM, IT etc
• harassment & abuse 'banter' of young women and girls in education
• issues that lesbian women & girls - particularly butch - face
• street harassment
• sexual assault
• domestic violence
• assualt
• rape
• murder
• inequality in the justice system
• lack of representation in politics

Ariadne, earlier in the thread you made this comment:

I will admit my idea of womanhood for me personally is probably just a mishmash of stereotypes that have been handed down to me over the generations.

Do you see that this is, in fact, all gender is? And that this is why we do not believe that it is any basis for an ideology or legislative agenda?

@Ariadne
I think the worry for a lot of trans people, is the fact that we are a minority, that we will not get a third space. And I think a lot of trans people, myself included, let our own privilege get in the way of that. We have grown up with the privilege of our birth sex, and we forget that we are not entitled automatically to other resources because we change gender.
That's astute. But I hope you can see the irony. You want a space, think you won't get one so barge in on the space of the sex that has traditionally been barged out of the way by men. How is what trans men-to-women are doing now different from what men do to women habitually and always have done: appropriate space, rights, voice and get hostile if that infringement is rejected by women?

But who gets to decide what constitutes a ‘closed space’ for actual women? From what I’ve read and experienced it is mainly men, no matter how they identify, that are making the decisions that directly impact on women’s privacy, dignity and safety.

And the onus is on women to justify why they want and need spaces exclusively for women and girls. They often feel they need to explain this by talking about times when they have been abused or have felt scared and vulnerable.

In all seriousness I think that you should post a similar OP onto more male dominated sites and see what happens. I think that would be really interesting.

Yes. This would be an instructive exercise.

Look, OP! Here's a thing you could do for us! How about it?

can you begin to understand why women experiencing all or some of the above do not have an awful lot of time for men claiming the literal violence of being called a man?

Hi Ariadne!

Thank you for coming to chat to us and to learn. I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed, people have a lot of strong feelings and a lot of us are used to having to shout to be heard.

You strike me as someone who genuinely does want to open a reasonable dialogue and does have an appreciation of their own privilege. That is good and your voice is one that needs to be heard.

I first became aware of trans issues a few years ago and at the time, the prevailing line was 'sex and gender are not the same thing'. Which is more or less what you seem to be saying. That I can get behind, if gender is the way you feel, the way you present yourself and the way you are perceived by society, then I absolutely agree that there are (broadly speaking) two routes to womanhood. Because with that explanation, there was no demand to recognise trans women as female and therefore deny the biological reality of people born female.

In the last couple of years the rhetoric has changed dramatically, to 'gender determines sex'. I can understand why someone with gender dysphoria would want that to be true and were we to live in a world without sex discrimination, there would be little problem with it (outside of medicine that is). But as it is, what is happening is that the oppression that comes with having a biologically female body is being dismissed and denied. It is not just traditionally feminine qualities and appearances that have been considered weaker and oppressed. It is also the female body. There are things a person who has never had a uterus will never have to deal with or worry about personally. To dismiss those things as minor, or only 'a small part of womanhood' as is the tendency among TRAs shows a complete lack of understanding.

This post is already long, sorry. I will leave you with a question: why do you think that there is a tendency for trans activists to focus on 'educating' feminists/refuting 'TERFs' rather than on taking on men and tackling the bigger problem of patriarchy?

Looks like the OP has done a runner. How flippin' predictable.

Looks like the OP has done a runner. How flippin' predictable.

To be fair, I think they said they were in the US? They've probably gone to bed.

I do sometimes feel like saying, 'You want to join us? Pull up a chair. Take a 25% pay cut, allow us to kick you hard in the stomach once every four weeks so that you can suffer the bruise-like pains of periods for a week each month. Shut up, so that men can speak over you, for you, instead of you, at meetings, in class, at parties. Get called out of meetings as the default parent (with womb=your career takes the knock if child is sick/needs dentist/has issues at school.) Come and join us. Sure you want this? Or just the blouses and girly chat?"

Exactly @MinaPaws. I can't help thinking that men want to be women until the reality of being a woman becomes clear to them and then instead of saying 'fuck me this is shit' they do the usual man thing of blaming women for everything and expecting women to solve all their problems for them.

Indeed, as someone else said, post this on a male dominated site.

Why do women have to do all the asking or explaining and accommodating, why don't you ask men why they won't accept you as male?
Maybe they will.

They know nothing.

LangCleg "I live in Northern Ireland where there is only one Gender Identity Clinic for the whole country," Page 3.

Thanks for answering my question about rights, ariadne - I asked what rights you reckoned you were missing, and I reiterated that of course you should have the same rights as anyone else to health, employment, education and services (with sex segregated protection for dignity, privacy and safety).

You answered about health only (presumably your rights are ok in relation to the other issues?). You said "The issue with trans healthcare is not so much lack of rights as it is lack of resources. I live in Northern Ireland where there is only one Gender Identity Clinic for the whole country, the waiting times are atrocious. But then again, that is an issue with most specialist treatments on the NHS. There are still countless institutions, such as doctors offices, banks etc etc that refuse to let trans people change their names, even when presented with a deed poll. So it is not so much that we need more rights, but that we need our current rights to be enforced throughout institutions. "

So - resources in NI are sparse. Goes for many issues in NI in particular, as you say, and also throughout the UK. Not an issue of trans rights, particularly.

The name change difficulty baffles me. This is nothing to do with trans rights. It is not always easy to change your name but with regard to the banks and financial services it's not prejudice but attention to security. With doctors, it's to track your health through the services, but of course you can change your name with your doc- people do it all the time! So....not convinced, sorry.

Asking again, what rights do you not have that you think you should have?

-healthcare inequality I have said this before but I'm gonna keep saying it but go watch Unrest on Netflix. Women's healthcare inequality isn't just about periods and wombs it extends beyond that, illnesses and disabilities which disproportionately affect women (female XX) get less funding for research and treatments. ( I think the one exception is breast cancer because everyone is on board with saving boobs supposedly. )

LangCleg "I live in Northern Ireland where there is only one Gender Identity Clinic for the whole country," Page 3.

Sorry, I take it back!

LangCleg No problem, easy mistake to make. It only stuck in my mind as I thought the OP was moaning about lack of services while women can't even get a legal, on demand abortion.

yup research & marketing of drugs. Recognition of differing disease presentations in women. Lower rates of referrals to specialists (& greater number of contacts before referrals are made). Over diagnosis of metal health issues. But we have pink ribbons everywhere so I guess it's all okay really.

the reality of being a woman

Here is a man who had a sex change, then decided to change back because living a woman was disappointing and shallow. Women are boring to talk to and too much shopping is dull, apparently.

But I'm still prepared to believe that the sense of being in the wrong body is something different. This individual was attracted to what he saw as the female lifestyle. He had 'feminine leanings'. It was all about gender for him.

We be a woman and make life harder for yourself?

hI Ariadne,

My question is, do you identify women in our struggle against sexism? Could you become a stronger ally to help us? What could we tell you that would help you.

that should be "with women". sorry!