OP, you’ll find that many women / feminists have spent a lot of time discussing their experiences and realised that we are expected to provide free emotional and physical labour to people in all sorts of circumstances. Being expected to spend their precious (often highly in-demand) time to educate men (and some women) on things they could quite easily research for themselves is just one of those circumstances. Women are tired of it, and learn through repeated experience that it’s rarelu valued or appreciated. The internet is a wonderful resource, you can find out literally anything (although separating the facts from the bullshit requires work).
You’ve skimmed over a wonderful example right here in your posts - the use of the word “pimp” meaning “making something better, cooler etc”. Clearly you and many others have never given it a second thought. The more you start to read up, the more you’ll notice things like and begin to question them, and that’s when you will begin to understand. Why was the word pimp used in this context? Why is a very violent role being conflated with something positive? What message does this send to women about their value in society?
How often do you see men talking over women and women accepting it? Or men regurgitating something a woman has just said and being praised for it? Or men making misogynistic “jokes” and women either ignoring it, or if they say anything they’re told to “lighten up, it’s just a joke”?
The thing you have to realise is that no single comment or action exists in a vacuum. Every small sleight against women adds up to a much larger and oppressive whole. Every set of t shirts where the boy’s shirt says “little explorer” and the girl’s says “beautiful princess”. Every little “harmless joke” about making sandwiches or being promiscuous or wearing certain clothes or being less intelligent or “trapping” men with a baby. Every woman who takes on the entire mental load of her household and whose husband is like another child to look after. Every woman who suffers birth injuries and are told to put up with it. Every woman who has endometriosis which takes on average 9 years to diagnose, with no pain relief and minimal help, while they husbands go in for a GP appointment for a relatively minor injury and come out with strong painkillers and an immediate referral. Every woman who presents at the hospital with severe gynae symptoms and has “psychosomatic” written in their notes without thorough investigation. Every film that doesn’t pass the Bechdel Test (look it up). Every advert that reduces a woman to body parts. Every discussion of having a “bikini body”. Every news article that focuses more on a woman’s appearance than her actions. Every MRA campaign to boycott a movie because it dares to have women playing formerly male roles. Every rape victim who isn’t taken seriously by police. Every rape victim who’s harassed aje abused on social media because her rapist was a respected man. Every rapist who gets a ridiculously light sentence because of their “potential” (eg Brock Turner, look him up). Every man who feigns incompetence so he doesn’t have to change nappies / make up bottles / cook a meal / clean a house. Every time childcare and housework are devalued and seen as an easy life compared to “working”. Every film where the Male romantic lead is at least 20 years older than his female co star. Every time my phone automatically capitalises Male but not female...
There are a million more of these, and many of them much more important, but ive been woken by my twins every 2 hours all night (my husband looks well rested, BTW) so my brain isn’t working as its best right now.
All of these things create a toxic environment in which to live as a woman. Many women don’t really see it until they start to get older, perhaps they become mothers, perhaps they are constantly questioned on why they don’t have children. Their only real “social value” (eg their appearance) no longer conforms to society’s standards of beauty because they’ve dared to age (while older men are “distinguished”) and they find they’re treated with even more disdain than before (I can tell you that as a slim 22 year old I received far more respect than I do as a 35 year old overweight mother).
This is just the start and my main advice would be to open your eyes and think critically. Question the things you’ve accepted until now. When you read news stories, think about them critically - how are things being presented and why. Analyse the media you consume. Speak up when your friends make sexist comments. And FFS, stay away from porn, which IMO is the single biggest factor in the huge increase in vocal misogyny over the last few decades.
Recognise how privileged you are as a man (and as a white man, if indeed that’s what you are). Understand that as a result you have opportunities that others wouldn’t have. Of course having a long term illness may appear to mitigate some of that privilege, but then you simply need to ask yourself whether a woman, person of colour etc would receive the same treatment as you if they had the same condition.
Right, that’s my emotional labour quotient for the day used up - better get back to looking after my kids while my husband has a leisurely shower 🙄