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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

A man said the most vile thing to me today

201 replies

CircleSquareCircleSquare · 08/04/2018 16:56

I was getting the kids out of the car today at the garden centre. I was flustered and probably looked grumpy because I’d just mopped up vomit and as I was chucking tissues into the bin a guy walked up to me (he actually seemed to change his direction of travel to engage with me) and said “hey baby, smile”.

I ignored him and started to walk in the direction of my kids and the car when he half shouts “hey baby, HEY BABY, you’re beautiful when you’re angry, let me suck your clitty”.

A woman walking nearby toward her car was stopped in her tracks by how foul it was and turned around and said “what did you say?” but the idiot was off and running.

Why do they think they can say this stuff to us? Why did he think he could interrupt my day with his odious, aggressive expression of control?

I’m going to talk out every single time a man makes me feel like this. I will not allow men to feel comfortable living in a world where this happens. This is not fair.

No it’s not a physical assault but it will stay with me for weeks, I won’t feel safe in that car park, I’ll be on edge even more than usual for weeks, everywhere I go. WHY should I have to feel like that because of his pathetic controlling, sexualised nature?

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 08/04/2018 17:00

Uggggh. How vile. How grim for you. I had something similar said to me when I was still a teenager. Is there something mentally wrong with men who do this ? Is it about enjoying frightening women ?

Ereshkigal · 08/04/2018 17:00

Circle Thanks sorry you had to put up with that.

Bexter801 · 08/04/2018 17:03

I think because op ignored him,this vile creature tried saying anything to get a reaction. I'm glad you ignored him,please don't let him deter you too much from going to the garden centre Smile

CircleSquareCircleSquare · 08/04/2018 17:04

It has to be about frightening us surely? He can’t have expected me to lift up my skirt there and then and say “I’m so over come by your charm why don’t we just go for it in the middle of the garden centre car park?”

They do it to one woman and it has a knock on to so many more.

OP posts:
mimibunz · 08/04/2018 17:04

So sorry OP. Please don’t let it stay with you, because then he’s gained the power he wants. And if there’s a next time, tell the bastard that there’s not enough alcohol in the world to make him look attractive to you.

AncientLights · 08/04/2018 17:07

I was over 50 when a man in a London bus asked if he could 'lick me out'. Beyond belief.

TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 08/04/2018 17:10
Angry
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/04/2018 17:13

Report him to the police. The garden centre might have CCTV and it is unlikely to have been his first assault. (Yes it’s a verbal assault of a sexual nature in my book)

tiktok · 08/04/2018 17:17

Yes, of course report. There will be CCTV. He might even have parked his car there. He will be indentifiable from that. Whether it goes as far as court or not, it's to be hoped the police knock on his door. Relish that thought - hope he shits his pants.

CircleSquareCircleSquare · 08/04/2018 17:19

Thank you all and sorry to anyone who has experienced similar. It’s not on.

I did think about reporting when I was there but I already had a headache and the DC trying my my patience, I didn’t have the mind space for it. However I might phone them tomorrow and have a word.

OP posts:
LangCleg · 08/04/2018 17:20

EWWW. Sympathies, OP.

Yes, it is about intimidation.

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2018 17:21

There aren't enough "fuck off"s in the world to respond to that. What a loser.

tiktok · 08/04/2018 17:21

Tomorrow would be fine. Please do it. Police and garden centre need to know.

Ellenripleysalienbaby · 08/04/2018 17:26

Yes, I would day that is a form of verbal sexual assault.

Like you say, if you had actually said 'alright then' he would have been totally taken by surprise. It's all about intimidation.

pickleface · 08/04/2018 17:28

That's fucking awful op. I had similar happen to me when I was heavily pregnant. I bloody loved Being pregnant and it was the night of summer and I felt great in a gorgeous wrap top. I was so ashamed (I know right) and I never told a soul :-(

pickleface · 08/04/2018 17:32

**height

TomRavenscroft · 08/04/2018 17:33

Report him to the police. The garden centre might have CCTV and it is unlikely to have been his first assault. (Yes it’s a verbal assault of a sexual nature in my book)

Totally agree with this. This shit needs to be called out, acted on and stamped out.

flowerslemonade · 08/04/2018 17:33

He's pathetic and a coward - running off like a little child. I do think you should report if you want to.

gaijingirl · 08/04/2018 17:34

Someone once said almost exactly that to me whilst I was locking my bike to a bike stand in a busy area. I asked him did he not have any respect and how would he feel if someone said that to his mother or sister or daughter? He apologised. I was quite pleased with myself as I'm not usually so together to say/do anything.

BakedBeans47 · 08/04/2018 17:35

Vile x

DaphneduM · 08/04/2018 17:37

Vile and pathetic man. I had something similar (but not as bad) a long time ago - a man rushed out of the building society, nearly knocking over my toddler. I said 'excuse me', and he said 'f... off you c...'. The irony was he has accompanied by a very pretty girl - unbelievable how she could be with a man like that.

AdoraBell · 08/04/2018 17:38

Definitely report him.

And don’t take on any shame for this, that emotion 100% belongs to him.

whoputthecatout · 08/04/2018 17:40

I usually ignore that sort of crap (thankfully very rare now I am well past the age of invisibility) but on one occasion a particular knob caught me on a bad day and I threatened to rearrange his facial features for him.

He backed away alarmed and couldn't stop apologising as in "sorry lady didn't mean to upset you". Told him I wasn't upset, I was fucking mad and if he didn't fuck off I'd chew him up and spit him out because he was a nasty ignorant arsewipe.

He was, but more than that, he was a total coward. He took off like a scalded cat and I started to run after him with no intention of catching him....but t'was very funny

I don't take prisoners, me Grin

GabsAlot · 08/04/2018 17:47

whoputthecatout i like your style

op defiknitely report what a horrible thing he is

KickAssAngel · 08/04/2018 17:49

I think the only possible response, if you want to say something, is a death-hard stare and "would you like me to call the police? If not, leave".

I'm a teacher, and have taught 18 year olds in some of the worst schools in England. I'm good at facing down a twat with a dead-hard stare, but I realize many people would just be terrified and ashamed.

But it really is in the garden-centre's interest to keep an eye out (in case this guy becomes a repeat offender in their car park) as presumably, they rather have OP shopping there (and many like her) than twat-man prowling the car park looking for victims and scaring them away.