A man said the most vile thing to me today

[CircleSquareCircleSquare]

I was getting the kids out of the car today at the garden centre. I was flustered and probably looked grumpy because I’d just mopped up vomit and as I was chucking tissues into the bin a guy walked up to me (he actually seemed to change his direction of travel to engage with me) and said “hey baby, smile”.

I ignored him and started to walk in the direction of my kids and the car when he half shouts “hey baby, HEY BABY, you’re beautiful when you’re angry, let me suck your clitty”.

A woman walking nearby toward her car was stopped in her tracks by how foul it was and turned around and said “what did you say?” but the idiot was off and running.

Why do they think they can say this stuff to us? Why did he think he could interrupt my day with his odious, aggressive expression of control?

I’m going to talk out every single time a man makes me feel like this. I will not allow men to feel comfortable living in a world where this happens. This is not fair.

No it’s not a physical assault but it will stay with me for weeks, I won’t feel safe in that car park, I’ll be on edge even more than usual for weeks, everywhere I go. WHY should I have to feel like that because of his pathetic controlling, sexualised nature?

I blame the worst aspects of the internet, in the way YouTube pranksters are rewarded by compromising others and the gradual erosion of good sex through boundary stretching porn. The internet is lowering the bars and women are the victims.

I'm not talking about the good bits of the internet, but the bad bits. Multiply those bad bits by the minority of men who have no idea how to behave and its an exponential disaster in the making.

i cant believe someone is actually saying its ok

can you read mommy?

would you want someone to say that to your child

I don’t think interrupting my day with a sexually aggressive comment is banter or complimentary. I think it is aggressive, predatory behaviour.

I have been raped and sexually assaulted. I worked in a front line health role where I would be felt up or have stupid things like this said to me if not daily then weekly.
Each one weakened me.
Each one is a drip, drip, drip.
Each one is theft of my personal space, of my security, of my confidence.

Men are out there doing this to women in their thousands on a weekly, daily, hourly, minute by minute basis.

I wish I could have a taser.

I've been assaulted and a few cheeky words is NOTHING in comparison

I’ve been raped for assaulted and those few cheeky words are the problem that leads them to rape. It’s boundary testing.

and assaulted

That’s disgusting, what a vile creature

I wonder if any of these scum ever do it to an off duty police officer. Would love to see the look on their face when they realise.

So terrible, nobody should be made to feel this way.

I would really love this man to be identified and made to face up to his vile actions. Is there any chance he could be traced?

God I’m sick and tired of this. So many vile creatures spouting the same tired old tropes, designed to strike women down with words which cause fear which these disgusting specimens then get off on. It’s words in a car park, online abuse, dick pics, packs of boys in a bar rating the girls who walk by, men who feel entitled to chase women down an alley and post online as if they are the aggrieved. These constant thefts of our time, personal space, head space and escalating our fear, because each time you know it might not be just words, it might lead to something else.

And they wonder why we don’t want them near us when we’re vulnerable, changing, on the loo, in hospital. It never happens does it.

Circle I hope your night is free of child vomit and you have an enormous glass of something in your hand. Please know that the vast majority of women are beside you, flicking the Vs at that disgusting lowlife and all the others like him.

I would absolutely report to both police and garden centre, and let the garden centre know you’re informing the police so they take it seriously.

And in the meantime...

Bloody hell, vile behaviour

Thank you all.
I am going to get onto the garden centre in the morning and I’ll let you know what they say.

Spoke at length to DH about it and he is angry that someone could take the time out of their day to make someone feel this way.
He’s a good one though, he is constantly talking to his friends about the “insidious and ever present male violence in our society”. I just hope his friends don’t agree with some people that this is some kind of compliment. It needs speaking about, I don’t want my DDs and future granddaughters to have to know this is just a fact of being a woman.

Public displays of male dominance like the one OP experience are terrorism. It has been discussed in every culture so there is no question that men do not know that these "street compliments" "eve teasing" and "catcalling" are threatening.
They are meant to be.
Some women started what they call "Holla Back" where the take a picture of the harasser and post it. The result has been that most catcallers run away if you take out their phone.

Your phone not theirs. Sorry.

Why are people arguing with the OP over whether it's acceptable to say this to a woman?

oh my bad I didn't see that I was in the man hating, all men are rapists section.
Feminism is the political movement for the liberation of women. What do you suppose we want to be liberated from?

Sorry mommy I missed your other comment so I really need to clarify: are you saying that a man shouting 'hey baby, HEY BABY, you’re beautiful when you’re angry, let me suck your clitty' in a garden centre car park is no big deal?

And if you do think there is something wrong with that you are a 'man hating, all men are rapists' person?

I just really need to check because I am assuming I have misunderstood.

So, you really don't care about the fact that @CircleSquareCircleSquare was shaken up and disgusted by this man? It's all about you and your odd beliefs about whether this is acceptable or not. Nice.

My knee hero reaction to this kind of thing is to respond 'suck your own' or similar. Not a wise move but fortunately their shock allows me the time to make a swift escape.

You are deluded if u honestly think that a man shouting to u this sort of thing means he is a rapist

Out of interest, why do you think a man would shout this to someone in a garden centre car park?

Users like mommy2018 truly make me sad because what we have here is a real issue that needs to be spoken about. Sure, the situation is not as bad as rape, however nobody has a right to harass a woman just trying to get on with her day. I am a man and all too often I see when women speak out about these issues are spoken down to, accused of over exaggeration or being "too feminist" when what they are doing is pointing out a fault in the way many men speak to and treat women. Women shouldn't have to tell men to stop as though they are some sort of wild species who don't know any better. Self control is what is needed.

Katchit, they used to stand on corners to terrorize my mum and her mum. I was born in 1946 and was 7 the first time a man made sexually explicit remarks to my friend and I as we walked home from school.
You are right about the internet porn having an extreme effect on us all but the tradition of street terrorism of women by men is ancient.