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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

A man said the most vile thing to me today

201 replies

CircleSquareCircleSquare · 08/04/2018 16:56

I was getting the kids out of the car today at the garden centre. I was flustered and probably looked grumpy because I’d just mopped up vomit and as I was chucking tissues into the bin a guy walked up to me (he actually seemed to change his direction of travel to engage with me) and said “hey baby, smile”.

I ignored him and started to walk in the direction of my kids and the car when he half shouts “hey baby, HEY BABY, you’re beautiful when you’re angry, let me suck your clitty”.

A woman walking nearby toward her car was stopped in her tracks by how foul it was and turned around and said “what did you say?” but the idiot was off and running.

Why do they think they can say this stuff to us? Why did he think he could interrupt my day with his odious, aggressive expression of control?

I’m going to talk out every single time a man makes me feel like this. I will not allow men to feel comfortable living in a world where this happens. This is not fair.

No it’s not a physical assault but it will stay with me for weeks, I won’t feel safe in that car park, I’ll be on edge even more than usual for weeks, everywhere I go. WHY should I have to feel like that because of his pathetic controlling, sexualised nature?

OP posts:
KittTheCar · 08/04/2018 22:35

"actual violence"

And there we have it.

Our criminal justice systems have grown from systems designed by men to protect against the sort of things that men do to men.

The sort of things that men do to women and children are just not recognised as "serious". Serious is a punch to the nose, not a grab to the cunt. A blow to a chest, not a blow to a breast. Proper rape is when proper violence is included. And so on.

This needs to change. The criminal justice system needs to change to take women's experience of threat and violence properly into account.

Stop telling women not to report crime.

thebewilderness · 08/04/2018 22:37

I think we see you clearly, TerranceandPhilip.

LARLARLAND · 08/04/2018 22:37

The response from the police officer doesn't surprise me. They often don't have a clue about the law. It's frightening.

happy2bhomely · 08/04/2018 22:41

I was standing on a tube platform with my two young children when the doors opened and a carriage full of men (football fans) chanted at me. DOES SHE TAKE IT UP THE ARSE? Over and over until the doors closed and the tube pulled away.

I have had men yell across the street at a pregnant me asking if I want another one put in there.

I have had a hand up my skirt attempting to get into my underwear.

I have had HEY BABY, HEY SEXY, HEY FUCK, or some version, more times than I can count.

A 12 year old me has had men older than my grandad whistling and tooting and hollering at me from passing cars.

I have had someone attempt to assault me when I was laying drunk on a bed with vomit in my hair. I have been raped.

Drip, drip, drip. Over and over. I'm not even shocked anymore.

Sorry you had to experience it OP. I don't think there is a woman alive who hasn't had to experience this shit at least once in their life. I have no idea how we could ever stop it. I am finding that as I get older and fatter I am ignored more which is nice. Now I just get to witness men leer at my 14 year old dd instead.

KittTheCar · 08/04/2018 22:41

Interesting that you don't want to respond.

I'd love to know what your intention is, coming to MN, hitting up a thread about Street harassment, and posting to essentially say, don't bother reporting. Knowing lots of women read these threads. It's a clear message. What's the intent?

TerranceandPhilip · 08/04/2018 22:42

The response from the police officer doesn't surprise me. They often don't have a clue about the law. It's frightening

Please, enlighten me as to which area of the law I "Don't have a clue about"

KittTheCar · 08/04/2018 22:45

Happy2behomely yes it's the constant background when you're young isn't it, and it's all related, it all comes from the same place. I always hated it so much.

It changes behaviour as well. DH once said so and so was beeping why didn't you turn? I said, I learnt not to turn round when a car beeps when I was about 13, as nothing good had ever come of it. He said, what if it's a warning? I said, IME it is never anything good. So. Whatever.

KittTheCar · 08/04/2018 22:46

Hold on you don't get to be uppity with other posters Terrence.

Why don't you tell us what you were aiming to do with your posts on this thread?

thebewilderness · 08/04/2018 22:47

TerranceandPhilip, please stop trying to make this all about you.
Any honest LEO would admit they do not know everything about the laws they are charged to enforce.

CrustyCob · 08/04/2018 22:48

@TerranceandPhillip
You do know that it is an offence to impersonate a police officer don't you?
Even on line...

KittTheCar · 08/04/2018 22:49

Several posters on the thread have reported and seen a result.

Please explain how this is in accord with your posts. Which day it's very minor, not worth bothering with, made up offences, police won't do anything, subtext = don't report.

KittTheCar · 08/04/2018 22:49

Several posters on the thread have reported and seen a result.

Please explain how this is in accord with your posts. Which day it's very minor, not worth bothering with, made up offences, police won't do anything, subtext = don't report.

TerranceandPhilip · 08/04/2018 22:53

TerranceandPhilip, please stop trying to make this all about you. Any honest LEO would admit they do not know everything about the laws they are charged to enforce.

Making the thread "all about" me by responding to a post about me? Right-o.

I've not claimed to know everything about all laws, I was asking LARLAR what area of law I've been wrong about here. Now she maybe referring to police officers in general, but I (maybe incorrectly) read that as a pop at me. That's why I questioned it.

KittTheCar · 08/04/2018 22:58

Terence this was your first post on the thread:

"TerranceandPhilip

Yes, I would day that is a form of verbal sexual assault

Never mind that there's no such thing. hmm

It's a public order offence at best which wouldn't meet threshold for prosecution."

Can you clarify what your intent was in posting it? Because to me, reading it, it seems to say "don't bother reporting this sort of thing". If your intent was otherwise, now is probably the time to say what it was.

Newsofas · 08/04/2018 22:59

My friend and her teenage daughter were out and a bloke pulled up in his car and started masterbating. She took his car registration number and called the police. It ended up going to court. He was an 18 year old. His family were disgusted with him. So yes do report it however minor.

KittTheCar · 08/04/2018 23:01

Having reread, the poster had said she wasn't surprised the op was shaken and upset as she feels this is a verbal sexual assault.

She didn't say anything about laws.

Many women feel like this is a verbal sexual assault, why are you rocking in, changing the context, and hitting people with nitpicking, minimising and giving them the eyebrow?

KittTheCar · 08/04/2018 23:03

Good for them, newsofas.

Every positive post is like a balm to my feminist soul Smile

I've only reported once, that was for wanking as well. Police not interested, was years ago though, maybe would be better now, was transport police london they have had a drive around all this in last couple years.

WillowWept · 08/04/2018 23:06

Sorry this happened to you and please report it if you feel able.

West Yorkshire Police are taking reports of hate crimes, here:

www.westyorkshire.police.uk/advice/abuse-anti-social-behaviour/hate-crime/hate-crime-hate-incidents

In fact they are asking you to report incidents that aren't even a crime.

Women should be demanding that crimes against us motivated by our womanhood are treated just as seriously as crimes against anyone else.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 08/04/2018 23:11

CircleSquareCircleSquare FlowersGin
So sorry what a vile man.

Personally i find it very very hard to respond when i am with my children. A horrible man struck up conversation with my 3 yr old in tesco last week & when I moved to extract her made derogatory & mocking remarks about me. Had my children not been there I would have told him to fuck off at the very least but I find I am paralysed by my children's presence & the instinct to protect them. Of course now his horrible unchecked remarks are still swirling round my mind. Urrrgghh.

mommy2018 · 08/04/2018 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KittTheCar · 08/04/2018 23:18

Good grief.

AssassinatedBeauty · 08/04/2018 23:18

Do bore off, @mommy2018. Suffice it to say that there are too many wrong assumptions and displays of ignorance that it would take far too long to address them all. And I suspect you aren't interested in anyone who disagrees with you.

thebewilderness · 08/04/2018 23:19

You keep violating the talk guidelines and they keep linking them for you to read. How about you read them?

CrustyCob · 08/04/2018 23:32

library.college.police.uk/docs/APPREF/Guidance-amendment-public-order-2013.pdf

A bit of training required for the uninformed, out of date, alleged police officers here, asking US about what bit of law they supposedly don't understand.......

See amendments to the Public Order Act @ 2.1 onwards.
Ok Terrance?
There will be a test on this in the morning, so do try to keep up.
Key words being ... "alarmed", "threatened," "distressed.."

oh... and the CPS decide re threshold test ...not erm..you...

rememberthetime · 08/04/2018 23:33

Prosecuting for these types of acts is essential.

I see it in the same way as the New York scheme where they started prosecuting people for minor crimes like fly-tipping, littering and graffiti in a bid to prevent the higher level crimes that inevitably took place later.

If it was made clear that police will always take these crimes seriously, even when they seem minor, then the perpetrators may not go on to commit worse crimes. Or at least crimes against women will be seen as important and worth police time. men won't feel like they will get away with it.