A man said the most vile thing to me today

[CircleSquareCircleSquare]

I was getting the kids out of the car today at the garden centre. I was flustered and probably looked grumpy because I’d just mopped up vomit and as I was chucking tissues into the bin a guy walked up to me (he actually seemed to change his direction of travel to engage with me) and said “hey baby, smile”.

I ignored him and started to walk in the direction of my kids and the car when he half shouts “hey baby, HEY BABY, you’re beautiful when you’re angry, let me suck your clitty”.

A woman walking nearby toward her car was stopped in her tracks by how foul it was and turned around and said “what did you say?” but the idiot was off and running.

Why do they think they can say this stuff to us? Why did he think he could interrupt my day with his odious, aggressive expression of control?

I’m going to talk out every single time a man makes me feel like this. I will not allow men to feel comfortable living in a world where this happens. This is not fair.

No it’s not a physical assault but it will stay with me for weeks, I won’t feel safe in that car park, I’ll be on edge even more than usual for weeks, everywhere I go. WHY should I have to feel like that because of his pathetic controlling, sexualised nature?

Well done for not braking down op. This sort of thing has always bought me to tears. From the embarrassment and anger.
What a Nasty human being.

it's so disgusting and she let no one is so stupid to think that anyone would actually say yes to that. When I was a teenager about 18 I was walking through a rough area and someone I vaguely knew through a friends boyfriend was with a group of about ten people shouted my name. I thought he would say hello but he asked me to suck him off for a fiver. Then the people he was with shouted slag at me. I just ignored it but wish I'd said something. It still annoys me now.

I've been assaulted and a few cheeky words is NOTHING in comparision

I don't understand this argument. Lots of us don't want to be assaulted or sexually harassed on the street.

Actually my experiences of assault have made me quite a lot less relaxed about sexual harassment, not more.

Ffs mommy.

It’s intimidation, it’s belittling, it’s insulting, it’s hateful.

It’s up to you how to react to the builders, but it’s really not banter. It’s not pleasant chat. It’s not friendly cheekiness. They are demanding a simpering, ‘feminine’ response from you, and you would be perfectly justified in telling them to fuck off.

‘Do you want fries with that shake’ is a blatant comment on your breasts, btw. It’s odd you don’t mind.

Yes, I would day that is a form of verbal sexual assault

Never mind that there's no such thing.

It's a public order offence at best which wouldn't meet threshold for prosecution.

It’s threatening behaviour.

And prosecutable.

It's a public order offence at best which wouldn't meet threshold for prosecution

Man made laws eh Terrance

Except in Nottinghamshire

Why should anyone have to deal with someone saying such vile things to them when they're minding their own business, accompanied by their children? Do you think it's ok for the children to hear things like that said to their mum, @mommy2018? And see their mum upset?

It's intimidating, it's controlling and it's entitled shitty behaviour from adults who have no empathy for women. There's no excuse for it. It isn't "banter".

As it is already putting you off of visiting the garden centre again I would imagine they would want to know in case he is a regular. The fact he ran away suggests he does it regularly but doesn’t usually expect to get called out on it.

Except in Nottinghamshire

Except not in Nottinghamshire. The CC decided to record misogynist events as a hate crime qualifier. They didn't have the power to change the law. As it stands public order offences cannot have misogyny as an aggravating factor, nor can any others

Mommy’s self esteem must be at rock bottom if she thinks the Neanderthals calling out from building sites is complimentary.

'Banter' is reciprocal Mommy, not someone approaching a complete stranger to harrass them. What is going through your mind that your first thought, on reading about an OP who felt upset and intimidated at being sexually harrassed (in the presence of her kids!) is to defend this man? What the fuck is wrong with you?

The 'I see it as a compliment' thing always makes me feel sorry for the women who say it. How low does your self-worth have to be that you're that desperate for validation?

It's sad that the men in these experiences seem shocked when the women fight back. There is never any occasion where this shit is ok.

I'm so sorry that happened to you I would definitely call the police and report what happened.

Also, I agree with PP who said "Actually my experiences of assault have made me quite a lot less relaxed about sexual harassment, not more."

I can't believe anyone on here is trying to excuse and normalise this behaviour as just banter!!.

A few weeks ago a twat in a van harassed and kerb crawled my 15 year old DD3 when she was doing her morning paper round, calling out about similar things to those described in the OP, and saying he wanted her to suck his cock. She got the registration number of the van and I reported it straight to the police. He was traced and has been issued with an official caution for harassing my DD.

Report it. Call 101 and give the description etc. Ask the garden centre if there might be any CCTV recording too.

It is unacceptable. We need to keep stamping hard on this behaviour or the message will never get through.

I don’t know whether to be more enraged or saddened that there are women around who actually take this behaviour as some kind of twisted compliment. I can actually tell a genuine compliment from shitty harassment and I know which I prefer when I’m going about my daily business. Clue for mommy - if a strange man’s yelling at you in a garden centre car park, it’s probably the latter.

How totally repulsive.

I remember when I was 10 years old, I was walking with my Mum on a busy Saturday morning high street and 1 man stood in front of my Mum and another to her side. One of them said to her ‘let me stick two fingers up,’ and the other one told her to ‘sit on his face.’

I can remember both vile suggestions vividly, even though I had no idea what they meant. I can also remember my Mum telling them quite loudly to ‘fuck off,’ and that ‘my Husband is waiting over there,’ (he wasn’t), and gesturing to the shopping centre entrance. One of them tried to get the other to move on by saying ‘she’s not worth the hassle,’ and the other kept on saying loudly that ‘she had got him hard.’

I remember seeing the colour drain from my Mum’s face, and see her try to conceal the fact she was a bit shaky, and sensing that she was frightened.

My Mum apologised to me for swearing in front of me, bless her. I can remember me asking her why one of the men was asking if he could swear at her with his fingers! In my innocence, I thought he meant flip the v sign at my Mum! When I learned a few years later what the men had meant, I was so disgusted and angry. To say that to a woman is disgraceful enough, but in front of her child is just vile beyond words.

Jesus Christ
The fact that he said it and the fact that women defend it are both equally horrific.

Hope you are ok OP.

He was traced and has been issued with an official caution for harassing my DD

Glad you nailed him

This kind of thing makes me so angry, I can feel the rage building up! But what's the right response?

• square up to him?
• verbal abuse back?
• ignore and walk away?
• burst into tears?

I'd want to do the first two, but worry that it would escalate. The other two (although more sensible possibly as less confrontational) just seem to give permission for them to continue.

Mommy2018 I have never found it complimentary to have builders shout at me, just derogatory. Over the years I think I've reached peak resting bitch face so that might be putting them off these days.

Report the knob.

It's so annoying when some bastard thinks he can get away with that sort of verbal shit.

I was about the report a car wash man who thought it was a good idea to shout "Do you need a wash, lady?" when I was walking past a supermarket car park. I did ask him where did he think my car was as I was clearly on foot. One of his colleagues apologised and that was the only reason I didn't complain to the supermarket but it just leaves a memory.

It's harassment and they shouldn't be able to get away with it.