It's a real cis-privilege to...

[MrsWooster]

Have had periods for 35years.
Have a reduced pension because of two maternity leaves and part time work.
Have suffered crippling post natal depression, still affecting my life when dc is 5.
Have T2 diabetes as a result of gestational diabetes.
Have all the joyous symptoms of menopause and face osteoporosis and other diseases according to how and if I treat the symptoms.
Have a constant awareness, sometimes fear, of men and potential violence when I go out.
Have an awareness of being the object of the gaze. All. The. Time.

I posted a humorous (?) meme on fb about the bastardliness of menopause and suddenly calculated the ways in which female biology has not been a privilege in my life. Of course, as a woman, I have to conciliate and see the other side of the argument so yes, I have the privilege of carrying my children and the tattered fanjo and incontinence that have resulted.

mrswooster I wish mumsnet did likes 👍

I met with an ex-colleague this evening. I assumed she was a feminist, but we have never used the term in discussions. Politically we usually discuss disadvantaged communities because of the work we're involved with.

She told me about her personal health issues she's recently experienced and we discussed the treatment women receive within the NHS.

After dinner (and some drinks) I sent her the link to the petition and for a moment she went silent. I worried about her response - but equally felt ready to explain my standpoint.

She replied that she lurks on Twitter and has concerns about a nineteen year old elected as a women's officer. She said there's no way a boy, now identifying as a woman, could understand the issues she has experienced as a woman. I told her that meant she was a TERF. She was aware of the term and laughed and said it was bollocks.

I told her to get on MN, she laughed again (MN has a very unfair reputation!)

We talked about OJ, she had no idea about his stance, but got mighty pissed off. We talked about the misogyny of the men on the left.

We discussed how we are both pro trans rights, as we are with any vulnerable group, but #transwomen are women, no, just no. Simply not true.

Most people outside the bubble of Twitter/FB can see it for what it is. Whether they believe it's a serious issue is what we need to work on, really.

I’ve actually got a list on my phone of some of the ways my biology has impacted my life

Periods
Periods flooding my clothes
Period d&v
Periods going missing
Teen pregnancy
Stigma of being a young mother
Stigma of being a young mother at university
Secondary infertility
Facial hair stigma and bullying
Body hair stigma and bullying
Pregnancy
Gestational diabetes
C-section (major surgery, recovery times, stigma “too posh to push”)
VBAC
Home birth
Rape
Sexual assault
Cat calling
Bi sexuality
SAHM v career
Maternity leave
Pregnancy impact on career and training
PND
Mother to a large number of children and stigma associated
Miscarriage
Late miscarriage
Ovulation pain
Pap smear
Male gaze constantly
Breastfeeding and associated establishment issues along with social stigma of prolonged feeding
Birth injuries
Lack of up to standard maternity and post natal care
Assaulted on maternity ward
Hormonal contraceptives

To name a few. We must continue to speak about the impact of our biology.

Don't forget UTIs!

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/urinary-tract-infection-uti-viral-twitter-disney-princess-symptoms-advice-a8281276.html

I have had chronic UTIs since I became sexually active as a teen. Doctors have always been sympathetic but ultimately could do nothing except prescribe antibiotics. There were times when I simply didn't have sex because I was so terrified of yet another one. Plus the amount of time spent at the doctors, out of hours service, trying to find a doctor whilst in different countries as always got it on holiday ('honeymoon cystitis' trivialises it somehow) plus the money spent on cystitis treatments and then thrush medication for the inevitable thrush after all those antibiotics.

It has been a major factor in me now deciding to be single and sex-free.

And don't I feel privileged.....!

I'm relishing in the cervical cancer scares, internal scans, constant nagging lower abdominal pain and complications arising from a coil that my cis privilege has been bringing me this month.

Absolutely loved my cis privilige when I had a MMC. The 'go home and wait a couple of weeks and carry on regardless'. The transvaginal scans. Having a pessary administered to induce MC. Passing the baby. The guilt I have felt with all the wheres and whys. The monthly reminder I get of that when I bleed during my period. Depression to the point of feeling suicidal and needing ADs (which I'm coming through). The judgement I feel for being child free from people who don't know it wasn't my choice. How I feel my body failed me on a daily basis. The judgement I get from medics for finding any kind of vaginal examination distressing because it reminds me of that time. Yay cis!

And can I post on FB that people's baby scans are literal violence because of how shit they make me feel? I would be flamed in AIBU for that one! Theres a lot I am excluded from. Sorry for even being on MN tbh.

Thanks for the space to rant about that one.

Cis privilege doesn't mean we have it easy, it just means that we don't have to face the same issues trans people have to face due to the fact they are trans, just like white privilege doesn't mean white people all have great lives, it just means we don't have to face discrimination and the issues that come with that because of the colour of our skin. And to say that trans people aren't real like a few of you have put is rude and quite frankly, just ignorant.

To be fair - and I've made it clear I'm pretty gender-critical - you are right, Katsumoto. Privilege doesn't work in one direction only.
To be a biological woman carries with it lots of shit, whether it's a consequence of having a female reproductive system or of living in a patriarchal society.
That doesn't mean that we don't have the privilege of being instantly accepted as women. We do and we are.

I really don't like the game of Privilege Gotcha myself. It's all a bit Four Yorkshiremen.

Very much agree Lonely . Having seen my baby dead on a scan, the first time afterwards that someone showed me their scan picture I smiled and congratulated them, asked all the right questions, and then hid in a cupboard for the half hour it took me to stop crying and shaking. And dealt with my problem and my feelings like a responsible adult. Women don't demand that scan pictures are taboo or that the subject of pregnancy, birth and children in general must be silenced because it triggers childless women - women aren't that pathetic.

Women would never be indulged for being this pathetic. A woman trying this narrative would swiftly be told to get it together and shut up.

And yet I saw the quote yesterday from PLees telling women that they needed to 'work on' their fears and what Lees implies is their delusions and problems. The irony seems to escape Lees entirely that women could equally suggest that Lees' many triggers and delusions (including denying ANY evidence that ANY trans person has ever been a sexual offender) could equally be a focus for some good work with a therapist.

Who said trans people aren’t real?

Some people say transgender isn't real, it's either transexual or agp. 🤷

to Kneedeep and Lonely

I've posted this before but my cis-privilege was apparently in being given access to a bereavement midwife, who I got to see for all of half an hour and mainly for physical needs rather than emotional ones.

A man whose ex-girlfriend had had a termination called me a feminazi cunt and said I was using the 'grow a womb' argument for pointing out I needed to see her because I had been pregnant, given birth, lost two babies, and almost died myself, whereas he...hadn't.

That's why I was allowed my brief bit of access to a woman who was so over-stretched she just didn't have any more time for me.

He felt that didn't matter, if women were getting a bereavement midwife, he wanted to know why men like him were not getting one, because anything else was misandry.

He didn't go as far as TERF but this was a couple of years ago now so it may not have been on his radar. TERF seems to be the new word of choice ahead of feminazi now though so it wouldn't surprise me if he's added it to his women-hating vocabulary by now.

For a little while I read a couple of trans forums, one based in the UK one the USA. The one thing that struck me time and time again was the selfishness of these men, particularly if there was a wife and child/ren involved when they begin the transition. Apart from a couple they all expected their wives to stay with them, appear to be lesbian and to facilitate the transition.

They also, in every single thread on the subject, celebrated a man being able to breast feed a baby. No thought given to the infant ingesting a multitude of drugs, always at high doses. It was staggering and absolutely terrifying.

If a woman was to try half these men do, she would be shot down in flames.

Female cis privilege is a myth, women suffer for our sex in ways men can't begin to imagine. Yet it's oh so simple, throw on some lippy and heels and you're a woman. It makes me sick.

Cis privilege doesn't mean we have it easy, it just means that we don't have to face the same issues trans people have to face

I don’t like being told I should centre trans women and not talk about the above issues. Or being asked to leave feminist groups for discussing periods.

I’m happy to fight for trans rights, I’m not happy to be told my periods are now a taboo. My biology isn’t a privilege.

Yeah, I too feel privileged to be enduring yet another week of painful bleeding and worrying about leaking through my clothes. I also have hormonal migraines that last 3 days at a time, together with a feeling of depression and not being myself in the lead-up to my period as well as food cravings that make me bloat and gain weight. I have worked out that I feel 'well' about 14 days of each month. I know I am so super-privileged* though and happily, I have around 15-20 years more of this fun before I encounter another raft of health issues.

*Actually, I do feel privileged. Had I been born in another part of the world, the above would have stopped me pursuing my education, might have led to me being mutilated and possibly forced to freeze to death in a hut, so that I did not contaminate anyone else with my evil menstrual blood.

Cis privilege doesn't mean we have it easy, it just means that we don't have to face the same issues trans people have to face

Well, we get raped, beaten, murdered, discriminated against, dismissed from work, belittled, objectified, all because of who we are. That's surely what trans people face too.

I think the problem is that because trans people have not experienced what women have experienced, they assume that their lives must be easy and that if they were natal women, their own lives would be infinitely easier too. But that's because they have no experience of living through the issues that so many women face. Every time I am walking in a deserted area on my own and a man comes towards me, I feel a sense of fear. I realise that it's fairly unlikely that I will get attacked, because there aren't many attacks in my area, but the fear is still there. It's there because I have read about the many many times that women on their own, just minding their own business, were attacked by men: Joanna Yeates, Alice Gross, Levi Bellfield's victims, Lin, Megan and Josie Russell. The list goes on. I don't know how trans people can deny that biological women also live in fear and are also discriminated against.

I remember feeling very 'cis' privileged when I found lumps in my breasts and was scared of what they might be.
Every month I feel so privileged to have cramp, leg and breast pain due to my biology.
I feel privileged when I'm told I'll look better when I lose weight/wear heels/wear tighter trousers.
I feel privileged when men stare at my breasts and make sexual remarks.
I remember feeling very privileged when a boy from school grabbed my breasts from behind and brought me to the ground on my knees.
I felt privileged when a man I was once dancing with touched me intimately with force without my consent.

Oh wait, actually I didn't .

I felt vulnerable.

I felt alone.

I felt subjectified.

I feel silent.

I felt invisible.

I FEEL SCARED.

. To all those that have experienced and have shared.
Come on ladies, we shall be heard

And don't forget the menopause - major cis-privilege to be had there...

Men simply don't get it.

There is no such thing as trans, just men, women and the ways we choose to behave and present ourselves. Gender identity is a myth.
^This^

I love my cis privilege.

I've been raped.
I've been beaten.
I suffered childhood sexual abuse.
I've lost 3 babies.
I suffer horrendous debilitating periods.
I've had 3 emergency sections, and still suffer with problems because of it.
I've been screamed at by men when I don't respond to their comments.

I love being a woman, but at the same time I hate it, I know if I hadn't been born female, most of the above wouldn't have happened to me.