Hi terf, it is very interesting talking with you.
I am really struggling with how you feel about my trans friend and of course she isn’t here to reply and I can’t really speak on her behalf so I am going to park that for the minute.
However, on to your next post!
” it's not necessarily about whether we have been assaulted or might be assaulted”
Yes I see that
“.It'sut how much budging over we already do and are expected to keep doing. It's about how women are socialized to put men first and be nice.”
Yes
“Ever been mansplained at?”
Oh yes. Oh yes very much so.
“ Manspreaded?”
Yes
“Ever strongly disagreed with a man but been too intimidated to say anything?”
Rarely, but I am very aware that there is a social price to pay when I do voice the disagreement.
Maybe more often I am just ignored.
“ Ever been told to smile love or cheer up?”
Yes and I hate it.
“ Have you found yourself subconsciously putting the needs of the men in your life above your own? “
No but others complain that I fail to do so and I have had my husband move into my area of professional expertise and colonise it almost effortlessly.
“Do you have to walk round the men in the street because they won't move?”
I try not to but it probably happens. I comment if a man pushes ahead, etc. At work I deal with businesses who have interests in Saudi Arabia sometimes.
“Have you ever politely thanked that creepy dude for his compliment on your appearance?”
I learnt some good responses but I know exactly what you mean.
“I certainly have, and I'm sick of it. I'm not here to pamper the men in my life and they can fuck off if they dont like it. I'm definitely not willing to pamper the man that I don't know in the women's toilets. He can fuck off too. And it's this attitude from these men, the expectation that women that they don't even know will shove their feelings down their throat that makes me dislike them so much.”
Ok here comes the first world thing. Not exactly a problem, more a feeling of having changed.
I have read a shitload of story books, done a degree that basically just involved reading more stories, read stories for leisure, have a husband who has read even more stories than me, etc, etc.
Somehow, over the past decade I have realised that most of these stories are about what it feels like to be a man.and usually about how it feels to be a man dealing with violent urges or attempts to gain power.
I realised I was losing interest in figuring out what this must feel like for men.
The feeling got stronger until I realised I was done. That I didn’t want to go and see Othello because I’m done reading those stories and caring about these men and their feelings whilst ignoring the victims.
Then my husband organised a group night out involving dinner out followed by a trip to see AClockwork Orange and I found I was able to explain very simply to the group at the restaurant that I was going home because I don’t want to watch the rape scene because I am bored of watching rape scenes where the woman is just a prop and your reaction is just to the man.
It was a nice feeling. Calm, not angry.
Then I went to a festival event with a man and his feedback afterwards was that the poetry lost him because it was just about pregnancy and stuff.
And I replied calmly that I understood exactly his problem because I had had 40 years of having to adopt the viewpoint of men and how they feel about their aggression,and had decided not to bother doing that any more.
And he stared but again it didn’t feel angry, just that my sympathies have moved elsewhere.
I feel like I’ve kind of removed “manfeeling” spectacles I had been trained to wear.
Sorry! Long.