19 year old DD tells me ALL boys want to throttle.

[Spidermama]

I've just been left feeling really angry and powerless. DD tells me pretty much all boys 'even nice ones' like to put their hands around girl's throats semi strangling them as part of sex. She's told me other horrible things about what girls her age are fully expected to put up with.
She says the boys get it from porn and there's nothing unusual about it.

I and I'm sure many of us women, have put up with things during sex that we've not really liked just to get it over with. But this is getting ridiculous! It makes me so sad to think of all these young women having to put up with these levels of violence and hatred in something which is supposed to be enjoyable for them.

What can she do. I know how hard it is to stop things being done to you mid act.

Julie could but she is one voice and it is very difficult to get this view into the mainstream - particularly as we have lost the Guardian because of trans opposition to Julie.

If the Guardian was a family pet, we’d have it put out of its misery.

Hipsterfun Certainly!!!
I have been trying to come up with a more accurate name similar to Brocailist or Bromentum - 'Everyone's male Guardian' but can;t get anything snappy.

Can anyone else help?

I have massively oversimplified the process above, but ultimately you've gone down a rabbit hole (just like porn addicts do) and unless you can back up and go down a healthier rabbit hole, you're in.

It CAN be done. But you'll have to work at it.

You're not the only person in the world to have taboo thoughts btw, so don't think you're a freak or anything. You just happened to over indulge in them, and made them synonymous with your pleasure.

See it as a new adventure - to get kinky with something else next ;-) Something just as intense, but less harmful. There's some pretty intimate things two people can do - they world's your oyster!

Guarding Men's Sexual Entitlement Rights is what they're doing, but it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue...

The Male Guardian.

Because that’s about the size of it.

Or "women, go fuck yourselves", which is already the tone on some articles.

I'm not au fait with the movement / spirit you're trying to capture on a name. Can you explain (to an idiot) in a few sentences?

I read that article in the Guardian and had mixed feelings on it.
I'd be accused of mansplaining (a word I've only just leaned) if I said too much, but honestly, I know I'll regret saying this, but convincing other women will only get you so far. The only way big things will change is once men start being convinced because we are the issue.

It doesn't matter how right you are, how wrong we are, you've got to get more men on board, and sometimes 'mansplaining' is just man's way of downloading this thoughts for others to try and decipher, because he can't always decipher why he thinks as he does.

I don't know why I find the female form attractive - but I do.
I don't know why I might sometimes like a lady in a pair of stocking - but I do.
I don't know why having a fantastic intelligent conversation with a likeminded, or opposite minded woman is appealing to me, but it is.

I'm a massive believer that nurture outweighs nature, but still, I was born a man, and sometimes, I just can't change 'me'.
At some point, I have to stop apologising for being a man.

At some point, I have to stop apologising for being a man.

Not interested in talking to you until you drop the oh poor me for I am but a man and can't help mansplaining attitude, mate.

Excellent brilliant! I agree with the over masculinity of boys, Dh was keen on encouraging 'strength and bravery' from a very early age - he based it in his own playground experiences 35 years ago; that you had to be strong to survive . I did point out things were very different now. A friend felt it's was 'natural' and part of evolution for dads to be like this with their sons - I wasn't sure. I then got deeper into mn and many pennies dropped.

For me, how we treat young boys affects many things; the trans stuff, male depression etc but especially how those adult men deal with strong emotions (eg violence) and how they treat women.

It all starts VERY early in my experience, and isn't just the parents, it's the whole male gender stereotype.

Guardiansplaining

Guardiansplaining is perfect.

Not interested in talking to you until you drop the oh poor me for I am but a man and can't help mansplaining attitude, mate.

Why would you feel it necessary to tell me?
I'm not sure I'd go out of my way to tell all the people I don't respond to that I'm not going to respond to them.

That word, mansplaining, does not mean what you think it means.
Here is the article that gave rise to the term so you may better understand how you are embarrassing yourself here.
articles.latimes.com/2008/apr/13/opinion/op-solnit13

To clarify male depression; young boys are less exposed to / encouraged to express feelings and emotions. Research has linked this to in some cases either depression or violence, as sometimes the depression/ inability to express and seek help with emotional problem solving can be expressed as extreme anger. And this can then be directed at women, and other men. Though other men are more likely to be able to physically fight back.

Because some other women will be thinking the same and not wanting to say it, whereas I'm an uppity radfem so I will.

If you want to help resolve this issue you need to drop the oh poor me my identity as a man is being attacked stuff. I've seen this play out many times before and it always goes the same way.

Ooh, I like Guardiansplaining

It does fit their tone rather nicely, no?

If it always goes the same way, you're wasting your time already. Why are you wasting effort on a known outcome?

(Yawns)

The 'lie' is so damn convincing, it's making people truly believe their own sex lives are atypical, and all the seemingly nice guides on how to improve your lovemaking are actually just reinforcing the notion that your love life needs improvement (ergo, it's not up to scratch).

See the thread about anal bleaching. The op got very defensive and said that everyone else were prudes who only have sex with with lights out and their cardigans on.
It worries me that it is all becoming so normalised. That women having pubic hair is ‘dirty’. See any discussion about it on here. Women will tell you it isn’t from porn, that they like it, that it’s clean.

I agree that in the early 90s it was mainly about pleasuring the woman. Men would be proud of the number orgasams you had and would be disappointed if you didn’t have one.

I remember watching a documentary about 20 years ago about a women who travelled to America to get into porn films. She thought she knew what she was getting into.
There was a scene when she had an ‘interview’ with the director. He asked her name and then bent her over his desk. When he finished he walked out. She was so stunned that she didn’t know what to do. In the end the documentary crew decided to get her out as she had neither the mental or physical capacity to do so. She went there willingly but it very soon ended.

Women’s Hour covered this a few years ago.

I think it's worth strategizing about how to deal with the knee-jerky defensive "but it's my choice and I like it!" arguments, because they come up a lot and tend to derail discussions.

The Guardian is fucked. They've somehow managed to convince feminists that they are the voice of a men's sexual rights movement while convincing mras that they're the voice of feminism. Lefties think they're red tories while tories think they're lefties. They're like anti-pr geniuses.

Why are you wasting your time sniping at us MyBrilliantMistake?
You do the same dance on every thread you are on.
You are wasting your time.

I'm trying to remember when reading the Guardian went from "credible broadsheet with a very slightly left slant, get your news here" to "weird propaganda designed to melt your brain into a puddle of good" and can't pinpoint exactly when the change happened. Presumably it was gradual.

Or goo, rather. Which is definitely not good.