Things men have called me and why.

[CosmicCanary]

Slag lots of times but this was the first.
I was 13 he was late teens.
My crime: I walked past him and did not look at him when he said "alright darling"

Whore
Countless times but the one that sticks in my memory.
Aged 16 he was in his 30s with his mates outside a pub.
My crime: i said no thank you when he asked me for a fuck.

Just a tart
Aged around 19. Him same age.
My crime: I declined his offer of a drink in front of his mates so i was labelled just a tart who was out for free drinks.

Hysterical bitch
Aged 22. Him about same age.
My crime: I told him to fuck off after he repeatedly grabbed my arse while I was waiting at the bar.

prozzy
Aged 22. Him much older.
My crime: wearing a short skirt.

Quite a few years of all the above comments then:

Ugly bitch
Aged 39. Him mid 30s.
My crime: To say no he could not sit on my knee in the pub I was drinking in.

Fat slag
Me aged 40. Him late 20s.
My crime: Telling him to fuck off after he pushed me out of the way in a very long taxi que I had been stood in for 20 mins and I was next in line.

The last one ^^ was last Friday evening.

In all my years I have never called men vile names like I have recieved.
One because I am not rude and vile but more importantly because I fear they would attack me if I spoke to them the same way.

The younger me used to put up with it keep my head down and move out of their way.
The older me fights back a bit but I am still scared they will hit me if I do.

Feel free to list your own.

Bitch
Slut
Whore
Ginger minge
Gingers stink
Pricktease

Probably the worst wax when I was about six or seven out with my nan and the lollipop man chucked me on the cheek and said "oooh if only I were 20 years younger..."

I've had my arse slapped, my boobs grabbed and pinched and been called an ugly old troll.

Well I beg to differ, like I have said, none of the men I have ever known have ever used such words in my presence, perhaps they may make similar jokes amongst themselves (I don't say suck things in front of men either to be fair). I couldn't even imagine my male friends saying such things. Perhaps it's a case of one bad apple spoiling the whole barrel? At any rate there is no doubt in my mind that many women pick it up from other women.

But the thing that I really don't understand-I've never had this. I've been cat called/hit on a plenty but I've never experienced anything even remotely like this. The closest thing I have experienced was a fellow calling out in frustration "what? So you are not even going to talk to me?!" After I ignored cat calling. I just wondered whether this was a problem that was isolated to certain areas/countries, time of day etc. Perhaps I have just been very lucky? Cat callers, random approaches etc. while incredibly rude in themselves, the content of their comments has never been impolite-"hi beautiful", "I like your coat", "Why are you hiding your beautiful face under that hat?" And the like. It just seems like I live in a very different world to pps. While I could understand insularity of some social circles I just find it strange that we can walk the same streets and yet get treated so differently. There is nothing outwardly different in my appearance than any other woman. I am fairly average in the way I dress, walk, racially ambiguous etc. It's not like I am walking around with a machine gun or I look just like Kate Middleton/other well known public figure that one probably wouldn't say such things to if so poorly mannered. There is nothing about me that commands any more or less respect than the average young woman. It's quite unnacoubtable.

Where do we find these men? No we don’t go looking for them they’re everywhere looking for us. They don’t need to hide as public spaces are pretty safe for them in regards to unwanted attention.

I’m 36, thankfully I don’t get nearly as much abuse as when I was a teenager/20’s - thanks to my trusty RestingBitchFace. Places I’ve had unwanted and unprovoked comments said/shouted at me includes but not limited to: public transport, walking through a park/town/to and from school/on any random pavement, public swimming pool (in the pool and in the group showers), many many pubs/night clubs, shopping centres, at work, walking home after a public bonfire display, outside a hospital waiting to be picked up by my FIL after a physio appointment, after I (legally and considerately) parked up to pick up my DC from school, supermarket car parks with toddler DC, fun day out on the beach promenade with my DC.

Oh and that list doesn’t include the racist shit I’ve had directed at me which when thinking about it I’d say was 90%+ from adult men - even when I was a small child.

Bearing your question in mind, if I wanted to limit being harassed by strange men, given my list above would leave me housebound (insert misogynistic joke about kitchens and a ‘woman’s place’).

Teen girls report to me that these are the things their fathers, brothers, and boyfriends, call them whenever they are disagreeable. That is in addition to adult men catcalling them if they walk down the street. Strange men go from hi beautiful to effing bitch in three seconds flat if the children ignore them.

I must add that even at the age of 48, I still get belittling, aggressive and s xuakised heckling when I do my job, and not once has it been instigated by a woman. Lots of men have felt it their duty to challenge my authority in my role (client facing, hospitality/events) - I'm the queen of comebacks but god it's boring. And tiring because I still have to smile sweetly and not tell the dickheads to fuck off!!!

Resting, I haven’t heard any women using the word slut etc. Thank god.

The cat-calling and verbal abuse I’ve had has been in western Canada and the south of England (both places I’ve lived). For what it’s worth the English guys at least started out trying to be polite/flirty (though I’d rather they just let me pass by without remark). It’s gotten better, but when I was young canadian men tended to start with abuse. I think they’ve gotten somewhat better and I’ve gotten older.

We've started something now, Resting Different areas/countries? I remember being on holiday in Italy, aged 14, with my parents. Every single day I had my bum pinched by (I assume) Italian men. This didn't happen in uk until I was in my 20's and then only a couple of times, standing in a crowd at a rugby match and once in a packed disco. In Italy, it was a regular thing and at such a young age!

DD (adult) has recently had an american friend staying over. She said this kind of behaviour from men is even worse in the states and she has even been followed into the ladies toilet and beaten up by a man!! Baltimore area, I believe.

@Bubbaleo I have had the same in tally, Greece and Malta. Also from aged 14

Dd's friend's "crime"? She believes it's because she was dressed boyishly/manly! Attacker was calling her a freak.

Oh tell me. I grew up thinking I was horrifically unattractive because I had a bigger bum than my flat mate and was casually referred to as 'broad across the beam' in front of me as if I was a prize heifer.

I was also frequently told that gingers smelt bad and no boys would be seen dead with ginger girls

I've been called a miserable bitch because I didn't want to discuss the colour of my pubes with a much older man (I was 18, he was about 60, so relevant) and asked him whether he was expecting purple feathers??? He found my reply rude and decided I didn't have a sense of humour.

This was a random stranger in a pub by the way. Not an acquaintance or someone I knew!

Purple feathers! how bloody rude though and a stranger! Can you imagine a woman just randomly asking this? No.

@Bubbaleo I can't remember ever randomly accosting a guy verbally to discuss his penis or the colour of his pubes, no. 😬

Bloody hell. Where do you live where things like that happen in pubs and in the street? I've never been called any of those things.

Which goes back to what Resting was saying. Is it certain areas/ time of day, etc? Mind boggling.

“Where do you live?”
“Where do you find these me ?”

These are depressing questions on this thread - indicating that it is the fault of women that they encounter abusive men whilst going about their business

No words for the men who feel it necessary to post that they wouldn’t behave like this

The men on this thread posting "I'm not like that" should stop it and for once in their lives just listen to women's voices and accept that their opinion on this matter is not relevant. I think men are so used to being told that their opinion is of infinite value and above women's that even in a topic for women (on a women's forum) about a subject where woman are the far more informed authority, they feel the need to join in, not with support but essentially with comments to throw doubt on the scores of testimony on here.

Honestly, unless you are a man joining to talk about the time another man randomly verbally abused you unprovoked in the street, for once in your male privileged life SHUT THE FUCK UP!

To be fair HerSymphony, men are entitled to come and say what they feel.

This thread is so accurate but so sad to read. For all of the women who have had such awful things said to them, especially those for whom it has stuck with them and still upsets them to this day

In my teenage and early 20s I would react to this phenomena of "fucking bitch I didn't fancy you anyway" from random men I had turned down in the street by laying into then verbally in equally charming language of my own. I would never back down so it would sometimes result in me and some piece of shit man screaming obscenities back and forth at each other in the street. I refused to let fuckers like that have the last word so I would keep going until they gave up. It was always satisfying to see them taken aback that I fought back but it was exhausting and, in hindsight, quite dangerous.

When I met my DH he explained to me that men who do this are so pathetic that they want attention from women no matter how fleeting or negative so one way to really upset them is to pretend they don't exist, no matter what they say, act as if they are invisible. I was very sceptical at first but began to try this approach and found that it worked. From the corner of my eye I would see sad little deflated faces as I blanked men trying to hassle me in the street. It won't work in all situations and I still miss telling them what I really think but I enjoy not expending any energy on these disgusting misogynists and it is great making them feel like the pathetic losers they are.

My question isn't depressing to me her symphonyandsong. It's a genuine question because I'm wondering where such vile men live. I'm allowed to ask it even though you don't like it. Also, it's ok for men to have an opinion on here too.

Ellie, I think men are entitled to post, if they wish. And it's not just a women's forum. Despite bad experiences, we're not all man-haters, some of us are happily married.

I'm happily married too but I think that just as it is infuriating to have white people in the western world define what is an isn't racist against people of colour, who are the ethnic minority, it is tedious to have men derail a thread about women's experiences of male verbal harassment by making it all about how they are "one of the good ones". It isn't relevant or illuminating.

Where do these men live?

In every country I've visited for the past thirty years. In every conceivable type of public place.

Does that help? Do you think this is something that you've managed to avoid through the choices you've made? It sounds a bit like that, to be honest.

I don't really feel there's anything lacking if this debate is women only, either. Particularly if men only come in to NAMALT.