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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Things men have called me and why.

263 replies

CosmicCanary · 21/12/2017 15:08

Slag lots of times but this was the first.
I was 13 he was late teens.
My crime: I walked past him and did not look at him when he said "alright darling"

Whore
Countless times but the one that sticks in my memory.
Aged 16 he was in his 30s with his mates outside a pub.
My crime: i said no thank you when he asked me for a fuck.

Just a tart
Aged around 19. Him same age.
My crime: I declined his offer of a drink in front of his mates so i was labelled just a tart who was out for free drinks. Confused

Hysterical bitch
Aged 22. Him about same age.
My crime: I told him to fuck off after he repeatedly grabbed my arse while I was waiting at the bar.

prozzy
Aged 22. Him much older.
My crime: wearing a short skirt.

Quite a few years of all the above comments then:

Ugly bitch
Aged 39. Him mid 30s.
My crime: To say no he could not sit on my knee in the pub I was drinking in.

Fat slag
Me aged 40. Him late 20s.
My crime: Telling him to fuck off after he pushed me out of the way in a very long taxi que I had been stood in for 20 mins and I was next in line.

The last one ^^ was last Friday evening.

In all my years I have never called men vile names like I have recieved.
One because I am not rude and vile but more importantly because I fear they would attack me if I spoke to them the same way.

The younger me used to put up with it keep my head down and move out of their way.
The older me fights back a bit but I am still scared they will hit me if I do.

Feel free to list your own.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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ScaryMary81 · 22/12/2017 00:45

What an ignorant piece of shit - apologies.

LemonysSnicket · 22/12/2017 02:00

I’ve been called all those an in 22. I just don’t care anymore. The people I give a shit about call me smart, pretty, cool.

LemonysSnicket · 22/12/2017 02:00

And im**

ShoesHaveSouls · 22/12/2017 02:14

I've been called:

"Stuck up" - because I wouldn't sleep with him.

"you're just a little tart aren't you" - by a stranger on the street.

"she looks like a prostitute" - overheard - walking into a lecture at Uni. I was wearing a short black skirt. With doc martin boots and an oversized arran jumper. And a scarf.

"nympho" - another stranger on the street.

"fucking ugly" - by a man who asked me dance in a club. I said no thank you, as I was there with a mate, and had a boyfriend.

Plenty more - all men, and all when I was much younger. But those stuck with me for some reason - because they were so uncalled for.

Thanks OP - that was quite cathartic.

Margaritaanyone89 · 22/12/2017 02:31

Is it just me but the names OP listed are all the things I have been called by other females. Very rarely by males in comparison Confused

Minerva1234 · 22/12/2017 05:34

When I was 13, a boy in my class called me a "flat, ugly bitch". For no reason whatsoever. To say he wasn't an oil painting was an understatement. But it still hurt.

I only realised quite recently how regularly boys at school told me I was ugly. What shocks me now is the fact that, eventually, I regarded it as normal and even justified. And yet, when I learnt about feminism, I genuinely felt that women had closed the gap and that feminism was no longer needed.

It wasn't until having children that I saw things more clearly.

I guess it takes a while to see outside the box you've grown up in.

whoareyoukidding · 22/12/2017 05:52

a few years ago, me and my 14 year old daughter were on a shopping trip, have a lovely time and chatting, linking arms. As we crossed the road, I heard 'I wouldn't touch that girl, she will end up looking as bad as her ugly mum' or words to that effect. I think that a certain kind of man hates women because he feels inadequate or powerless.

Bubbaleo · 22/12/2017 06:54

Margarita, I can only assume that you are very attractive and that they are really, really jealousSmile I used to have nights out with a very attractive friend and she often had nasty comments directed at her from other girls. Weird!

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 22/12/2017 07:21

I am a natural redhead so have gone through life being questioned about the colour of my pubes. It hasn't happened for a good 3 or 4 years as I hang out with guys I know well now and don't go to nightclubs etc but it was so common when I was 20 or so that it was just background noise.

I was told when I was 19 that "I can tell you're a virgin cos you walk like you're frigid." I was far from a virgin, just didn't want to shag that particular specimen.

When I was a teenager "ya mum" insults were popular too (amongst boys at school too). "Ya mum's a slag - she gets done on the rag" was the worst and most heartfelt, obviously because periods are so vile they make the insult doubly bad.

Boys when I was in year 9 regularly used to rate us on various body parts eg bum or boobs. It was so engrained that a lot of us girls actually liked "competing".

MrGHardy · 22/12/2017 08:01

There are several Instagram accounts that post screenshots from tinder, etc I never understand the “whore” reply. Surely a yes would be more reason to be a “whore”...

hipsterfun · 22/12/2017 08:53

But I still brace myself for abuse when passing large groups of men.

And that is the worst part of it - you’re always expecting it when you’re still ‘visible’ and the feeling stays with you.

QuentinSummers · 22/12/2017 09:17

I've had a lot of the above.
I think the worst I heard was on the bus and not aimed at me. A boy was talking to a few of his mates about what he's done the day before. Been round some girls house. He didn't want to because she's so ugly, but she was offering it on a plate so why wouldn't he? Did he do her? Of course he did, but she's so fat he had to roll her in flour to find her wet spot.
I felt so sorry for that poor girl. He was clearly a fucking loser too.

RandomHusband · 22/12/2017 09:18

We're really not all like this. I'm sorry you guys get this kind of thing.

On the flipside, there's probably loads of unsaid compliments out there. I see people all the time and think "I love her hair / what she's wearing / her accessories / nice face / she looks a bit sad / nice smile" but would never in a million years actually say anything. Because, you know.

One time I saw someone for the second time in a few weeks, otherwise no idea who they were. We were both somewhere with our respective kids. I went up to her, apologised for the intrusion and just told her I thought she looked amazing (she did); her overall look was fantastic and she really suited it. There was no 'intention' behind it, I just hoped she'd like the compliment. No idea what she thought of that at all, I don't think we've ever crossed paths again.

SpartonDregs · 22/12/2017 09:21

We're really not all like this

And yet

One time I saw someone for the second time in a few weeks, otherwise no idea who they were. We were both somewhere with our respective kids. I went up to her, apologised for the intrusion and just told her I thought she looked amazing (she did); her overall look was fantastic and she really suited it. There was no 'intention' behind it, I just hoped she'd like the compliment.

Jeez. What has her looks got to do with you? It is all part of the same sexist bullshit that women have to look good and are only acceptable when they do.

ValentinaCat · 22/12/2017 09:24

I can remember the names, not all of the circumstances.

Slag, slut, dog, man, clapped, ugly, bitch, cunt, fat, easy, sket, hoe, whore, mental, psycho, crazy, unstable, cumbucket, dirty, filthy, used-up, worthless, loose, prozzie, hood rat, always open...

ValentinaCat · 22/12/2017 09:25

However, I would have loved something like what @RandomHusband did.

Bubbaleo · 22/12/2017 09:36

No, I would have felt very wary and uncomfortable at what RandomHusband did. Seems a bit over the top? I like it when people just say "you look nice/ smart today" or a stranger (always women) say something like "I like your scarf". Anything more than that and I'm wary.

VerticalBlinds · 22/12/2017 09:37

I would not like it if a random man came up and "intruded" to tell me I looked "amazing".

I want random men to leave me alone, I've always wanted them to do that.

Bubbaleo · 22/12/2017 09:39

There must have been some reaction Random? What did she do/say?

VerticalBlinds · 22/12/2017 09:41

I don't mind when women compliment me as they are unlikely to want anything back / turn if I don't respond how they want.

Why can't men just leave women alone, when we're out and about? Men don't get all this. They get left alone. Now I am older and have hit the age of invisibilty, I feel so much more relaxed and confident when I'm out and about. And I suddenly realised - this is how most men feel all the time! They don't go around the place getting pestered, shouted at, followed, stared at, leered at and all the rest of it. There are no eyes on them all the time, commentary on their looks, weight, clothes. No people who are much bigger than them aggressively propositioning them. How relaxing!

People always say that teenage girls are obsessed with their appearance and lack confidence. Recently I realised that is a quite normal reaction to all of the above!

Bubbaleo · 22/12/2017 09:42

Bloody hell, Valentina, you've met some right un's!

SleepFreeZone · 22/12/2017 09:44

I mainly got called a lesbian or frigid a lot when I was younger when I turned men down

VerticalBlinds · 22/12/2017 09:46

So we learn behaviours as well. I never turn or react if I hear a car beeping.

My husband has noticed this and was really confused, didn't I hear that, he says. What if it's someone I know or a warning? Well, I won't see them / I won't receive the warning. Experience has taught me not to react, to ignore, to pretend I can't hear it, to try not to jump. No way am I turning when a car beeps even though these days it's more likely to be someone I know / a warning.

NoFucksImAQueen · 22/12/2017 09:48

This thread has made me a bit tearful as I can't relate to it so much.
I had low self esteem when I was in my teens and men definitely took advantage of that. I remember one boyfriend asking me why I never made any noise during sex and it was because I didn't realise I was meant to. Surely he should have realised I was too young to be doing it if I didn't even enjoy it. I shudder now when I think of it. I'll be educating my dd and of course my Ds's thoroughly and making sure they know all about consent, no pressure and have high self esteems. I had no sexual education from my parents, it was literally no sex before marriage, dress modestly. The end.
Even now the word modest makes me grit my teeth.

What he said: You look like a slag
What I was doing: showing a new top to my boyfriend; we were madly in love, together for years, no history for this whatsoever. I left him the next day.

I hope my Dd ends up like you

Catchedinthetefelone · 22/12/2017 09:49

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