Things men have called me and why.

[CosmicCanary]

Slag lots of times but this was the first.
I was 13 he was late teens.
My crime: I walked past him and did not look at him when he said "alright darling"

Whore
Countless times but the one that sticks in my memory.
Aged 16 he was in his 30s with his mates outside a pub.
My crime: i said no thank you when he asked me for a fuck.

Just a tart
Aged around 19. Him same age.
My crime: I declined his offer of a drink in front of his mates so i was labelled just a tart who was out for free drinks.

Hysterical bitch
Aged 22. Him about same age.
My crime: I told him to fuck off after he repeatedly grabbed my arse while I was waiting at the bar.

prozzy
Aged 22. Him much older.
My crime: wearing a short skirt.

Quite a few years of all the above comments then:

Ugly bitch
Aged 39. Him mid 30s.
My crime: To say no he could not sit on my knee in the pub I was drinking in.

Fat slag
Me aged 40. Him late 20s.
My crime: Telling him to fuck off after he pushed me out of the way in a very long taxi que I had been stood in for 20 mins and I was next in line.

The last one ^^ was last Friday evening.

In all my years I have never called men vile names like I have recieved.
One because I am not rude and vile but more importantly because I fear they would attack me if I spoke to them the same way.

The younger me used to put up with it keep my head down and move out of their way.
The older me fights back a bit but I am still scared they will hit me if I do.

Feel free to list your own.

When you argue that it would be bad and wrong to say all Muslims or Blacks you are denying the point that it is men. Men in all cultures do this. There is no culture where men do not abuse women because that is the dominance/submission paradigm of every culture on the planet. AFAIK.

This thread is incredibly disheartening!

As for my own:
Butterface. I was a cute-as-a-button teen; I just had some acne!

Whore. On multiple occasions throughout my life. Ironically always said to men by men angry that I would not fuck them.

But the one that hurt the most was professor - followed by a long diatribe about how no man would ever want me because I was one of these girls who'd go on to obtain multiple degrees and that this somehow made me inherently unattractive. Met him at an industry conference a few years back - first, he asked for a job and the for a date. This may have been petty, but I said no to both out of pure spite.

Since males are indeed half the population and in charge of nearly every public and private venture they could have stopped the small percentage of predators who are purportedly responsible for over 90% of crime. Instead they claim that there is nothing to be done about it because it is men's nature to prey on the weak.

You’re more interested in derailing this conversation of women describing vile verbal and sometimes physical and sexual abuse by men... to tell women there are some good ones.

Tell me zzzzz, what is the bigger problem? Because no matter how mch i hate this shit andi’m tired, i’m STILL not harassing men or abusing them and the statistics say women in general arent either.

Once again the feelings of men matter more than the safety of women.

I do wonder if abuse is, perhaps subconsciously, about policing public spaces. As if at some level many men don't really think women should be walking around, alone and free. As a teenager I stopped going out at night without a man as the level of harassment was unbearable. Even in the day I was constantly approached about my appearance or cat called.

Anyhow, this thread has made me think about a Christmas Eve about 13 years ago. We'd been to Midnight mass with my housemates mum who was visiting from America. She was a courteous, lovely lady, obviously very excited to be abroad. We went to a pub and she wished a group of men at a table a 'Good evening and merry Christmas' as she went past. As she walked on they just started up for her to hear, 'look at the size of that' 'look at the arse on it' etc etc.

My heart broke for her. I still remember the way her back flinched.

Once again zzzz, which do you care about more

Naming male violence, sexual harassment as a problem which women would like to stop and allowing women to speak about this.

Or

Women discussing male violence and taking the time to specify “it’s not all men” in order to make men and people who cape for men feel comfortable. As if we don’t fucking already know it’s not every single man. But it’s TOO MANY and we are exhausted. And sick of being told to shut up about it.

God forbid you ever end up in a similar situation and when you try and talk about it, some cape comes along to tell you you need to make the conversation palatable to men because you expressing your ordeal may make some men uncomfortable.

I am not physically disabled but if a physically disabled person was talking about shitty experiences, I wouldn’t demand they insist “it’s not all able bodied people that do this though” with every breath. I’d think “this is really bad - what can i do to make the world that bit less exhausting for them, can i look at ways in which i, and the people i have the power to influence, am making their life harder and work to change that?”

Even when women are down to their bones, men are still asking for us to cater to their feelings. Fuck. Off. I’ll say “some men” when ALL men are making sure they and their mates are not harassing women.

'Bad girl' at 17 from my mid-50s driving instructor when he used to take me out on evening lessons in the countryside. He would have me park up, put on the interior light and squeeze my thigh when I got a Highway Code question wrong.

The weirdest thing was that I didn't feel in any danger - he was an older man and I was naive enough then that it didn't occur to me that he was being other than fatherly.

Thirty years later, I absolutely know what he was up to.

I have a large chest, you can imagine the comments which started when I was aged 12. Or even if I was wearing a tatty, covering anorak. Then I was a cocksucker.

I am now middle aged. Getting used to and relishing invisibility. Walked past a group of early 20 men. Who said, I would smash that but with a bag over the head obviously.

Recently lost weight. Still wearing nondescript clothing but there is less of me. The attention has stepped up. Depressing.

Some men, not all men, are just fucking morons who hate women but crave them at the same time.

Please find where I said you’re a man 🙄

And honestly I’m going to stop engaging with you now, this thread is about women discussing harassment from men.

Harassment from men. Because that’s who is doing it. Men. Men are the people street harassing the above posters, men are the ones punching the posters above, sexually assaulting the posters above. Male violence towards women is a problem. If you know men that don’t do it. - GREAT! So the fuck do we! And men have the power to STOP it happening by calling out their friends who do it, since when we as women do it, we get punched in the face, called more names and worse.

And you keep carping on about how you’d do the same for muslims. Well done you - however it is NOT the same. Racial stereotypes come NOT based on lived experience but from the class in power perpetuating myths in order to keep the minority groups disenfranchised. If we say “the terror attacks in London in the summer were committed by (people who claim to be) Muslims” we are not saying ALL muslims. But the person who did it was a muslim. The idea that all muslims are terrorists comes from the idea perpetrated by the classes with power that all muslims are terrorists in order to justify scapegoating, war etc

Saying “I have been assaulted by men” is a statement of fact. In the same way many minority groups are both weary and wary of the majority groups because of the likelihood of micro and macro aggressions - women who have been repeatedly assaulted and harrassed by men may well be fucking exhausted with dealing with men.

Tell me honestly that after a day of street harassment and cat calling in New York, a day of things being yelled at and being treated like meat in a market, I was wrong to therefore be wary when a man approached me and called out to me, to give me something I had dropped. He didn’t want to harass me, but after say 9 negative interactions with men... was I wrong to expect the 10th to be negative too? Am I wrong to want to protect myself against aggressions that come - NOT from stereotypes, racism, being in a position of societal power - but from constant abuse and harrassment? Are women wrong to NOT want that, to be sick of it, to want to protect themselves from it? Are gay people wrong to want their own nightclub spaces away from straight people who attack them - because even the smallest chance (and the issue is that it is NOT the smallest chance but a very BIG chance, enough for almost every woman to have a story) is too fucking high a chance.

All Muslims are not men!

Can't there be one fucking thread where people can share their experiences without antagonistic posters cropping up to defend the identity of the perpetrators?!

This there can’t, no, when the ultimate goal is to silence women into “just taking it”. Not gonna happen.

So many instances, this is but a small selection:

Stupid bitch - so very many times, usually traffic related, as a driver, as a pedestrian, always when following the rules of the road.

Poisonous bitch - ex, he was very big on using the word poison. Generally when I was expressing polite frustration about him drinking all the food money, not helping with the kids, etc

“I wanna fuck you” - various drunks, when I’ve been walking around town in broad daylight.

Stupid bloody cow - again, the ex

Fucking bitch - manager of a block of flats when I was happily jumping over the painted lines in his car park. No idea why that set him off.

Lots of (when younger) loud comments of “cor, look at the tits on her” offered to crowds of embarrassed passers by. I’m thin and curvy and a beacon to ignorant arseholes.

zzzzz Is it possible that ALL men think like this but don't speak it. My dh (posted about him up thread) thought comments (mild comments anyway) were a compliment. He changed after a good long talk and he's a kind, caring dh and father. But......even now, years later he says things which make me think hmmm? ie: he sometimes describes women (say, a neighbour for example) by her looks rather than hair colour, etc. Such as "you know, that attractive lady across the road" Instead of "that tall lady with dark hair, from across the road". I wonder (and I do ask him) why describe the neighbour by the strength of her looks? If the neighbour was a man, he wouldn't describe him by looks, he would say "that tall, dark haired bloke across the road". When asked, dh doesn't even know why. Therefore, it must be ingrained from somewhere at an early age. But from where?

Where do you find these men

The only time I have heard people use these words in real life has been teenaged girls/women using them in a jokey way. He's my favourite whore, I'm a bit of slut where it comes to donuts, this is my best slut dress etc.

Don't you get tired of it, zzzzz? For myself, I'm pissed off that I can't enjoy being slim. I should feel better about myself (healthier, more comfortable, clothes fit better, etc) but I just can't enjoy it! I feel vulnerable, which is sad, isn't it? This isn't my problem, this is the way men look and speak differently to me just because I'm slimmer. I actually feel safer when I'm a lot overweight, which is so bloody wrong.

Resting, they pick that up from men.

@bubbaleo I didn't pick it up from men (obviously), I picked it up from school mates who were exclusively female and have sibce heard other women use such phrases occasionally although I cannot account for where they picked them up (but given that we all have similar social circles I doubt that they regularly come into contact with men who use this kind of language). At any rate it is quite different for a woman to make such jokes.

It is very much outside of my experience for men to say such things to women, I was merely expressing surprise that so many other posters had managed to come across such men. I am genuinely curious as to where they are all hiding (purely for the sake of being able to continue avoiding them, I have no interest in mixing with such men).

Resting, I still think they pick it up from men (brothers and their mates, etc) The severity of some of the comments described by other posters, I, like you, have not encountered, thank goodness. But a lot of them seem to be from random men, out and about.

Random strangers, in fact!