Want to talk

[UpForDiscussi0n]

Full transparacy, I am not a mother nor a woman. English is not my first language so exuse any misshap. I only made this account to be able to talk to a feminist first-hand to be able to see their view-points. I am myself not a feminist as i don't belive that the feminism in today's society promotes equality on some levels. I have also read several news outlets such as bussfeed and the huffington post but find them to be (as i said, bad english so don't really know how to put it) downlooking towards myself as a man. Would love to hear people out and debate or discuss feministic issues, have a good day.

User- this really really is not the thread for this.

You cannot accept that a woman can be an evil sexual sociopath and a male sexually innocent. That perception has been a problem for me. That's all I'm saying.

So haven't read the full thread, wouldn't around your later today. But Ali the only ones little 🤔 that the second most popular thread on the front page is one started by a manana possible troll (from skimming the first page)? Will read now

"You cannot accept that a woman can be an evil sexual sociopath and a male sexually innocent."
Where the hell are you getting that from?

That's what people have said. That all women are good, and can't do things like this. This is what was implied by female counsellors I have had.

OK user. Nobody on this thread has said anything of the sort.

Start a new thread. People will support you. This is not the place.

Look, it sounds as if you are determined to believe that women are evil with the bias of the world in their favour, so much so and that you're projecting your beliefs onto all of us and probably those counsellors too. Maybe this is due to your awful experiences but to be fair, lots of women have been abused by men and don't tar them all with the same brush. But some do. You have lots more work to do figuring out what happened to you and how to reconcile yourself with the world but this ain't the place. The women you are verbally abusing here are actually kind enough to talk to you and help you see reality. Square that circle.

I learned a new word today!!! Broflake

user I am a man, and if you'd like a chat with me about it please feel free to pm me. This does happen a lot more frequently than people realise. The person who clued me into that fact is a feminist, who works in healthcare specialising in children.

However if you'd let me gently unpack something for you. Feminism is most definitely not a movement dedicated to hiding or perpetuating female abuse of children.

In fact if you take a step back the reason society has a blind spot (and it IS society and not just feminists) in this area is how strict gender roles assign to women the role of nurturing caregiver. It is precisely a result of how sexism has boxed women in that we are where we are.

Whatever else you may believe feminism is, in truth it is the only show in town that actually challenges these attitudes. It is only through treating women as equals, and ensuring we are all viewed equally in society that this blind spot is resolved.

On a personal note I admire and support your efforts to heal and get beyond this. Although might I suggest seeking out a male therapist? There are plenty of those around, and it might help create a safer space for you to work through all of this. Again please feel free to contact me if I can be of any help to you,

Thank you Dervel.

Dervel, you're always so nice.

user speak to dervel. He's a good communicator.

I apologise for my previous post. I wrote it while rushing for the bus. I would edit it but can not find the function.

sociostudebt

You can't edit it, you can only report it and ask for it to be deleted.

I wouldn't worry. Both the opening post and subsequent posts were a little suspect.

That's what people have said. That all women are good, and can't do things like this. This is what was implied by female counsellors I have had. You need a well-trained, specialist counselor who has experience of male trauma. You also need to separate your feelings about feminism from your trauma.

If you walk into counselling and say, "women sexually abuse children as much as men do" a counselor might be tempted to address that rather than your trauma. Which may be one of the reasons you do it; because examining abuse is the hardest thing you can do and it may be something you do to avoid actually healing.

And for the record, feminism isn't ALL MEN BAD ALL WOMEN GOOD. Feminists are perfectly able to see that some women are dreadful and lots of men are great. We often have brothers, fathers and husbands. But wasting time with NAMALT is just that, wasting time.

I'm white, I know racism is a massive issue and I don't really want PoC to waste all their time telling me it's not about me and that I'm lovely.

I'm sorry everyone. I've had a bad time.

Have you started your own thread yet, user1498662042? Surely if what you want and need is to focus on and get attention (not meant in a bad way, as such) regarding your personal problems, that would be the ideal solution?

I can't see what exactly would be therapeutic about repeatedly posting regarding yourself and your own specific personal problems in a way that derails a thread that has little to nothing to do with those problems, and where no-one else is doing the same, and where you have repeatedly been advised that it is inappropriate. If people are still giving you the benefit of the doubt at this point, I very much doubt it will continue for long.

I feel bad for you user.
Maybe you could consider that how you feel about being abused by a woman is how many (the majority of?) Women feel about being abused by a man?
25% of women have been raped. Nearly all women have been sexually assaulted. That's not to minimise your experience. But you are relatively unusual for a man. Sadly it's common for women.

You do need help though, please talk to someone. You've had some great links, they will help I promise.

Incidentally, when the subject of sexual assault comes up, what springs to mind the fastest is an incident where I was sexually assaulted, in school, by another 16-year-old girl. By that age, the way men and boys leched over, talked about and touched girls was so utterly standard in my mind that it was a girl assaulting me that actually surprised and stuck with me. That and the time a ~60-year-old man did similar and it caught me off guard so much I whipped round and burnt my palm on someone's cigarette.

Sad how there are countless incidents of men making me feel awful but they all blend into the reality of daily life as a woman unless there's some extra detail to make it memorable.

And @DixieFlatline, although it's also anecdata, out of all the friends and family members who have been raped and/or sexually abused as children, the only one that got near the police, never mind court, was a male friend of mine. None of the female victims, of whom there are a horribly large number.