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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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245 replies

UpForDiscussi0n · 28/06/2017 13:14

Full transparacy, I am not a mother nor a woman. English is not my first language so exuse any misshap. I only made this account to be able to talk to a feminist first-hand to be able to see their view-points. I am myself not a feminist as i don't belive that the feminism in today's society promotes equality on some levels. I have also read several news outlets such as bussfeed and the huffington post but find them to be (as i said, bad english so don't really know how to put it) downlooking towards myself as a man. Would love to hear people out and debate or discuss feministic issues, have a good day.

OP posts:
SylviaPoe · 29/06/2017 07:54

I am sorry that happened to you.

Might I suggest, if you have not already considered this, that one of the ways you might find help with this is by getting support from organisations that help those who have had similar experiences?

QuentinSummers · 29/06/2017 07:54

So you are basically whining to us because you don't have the privilege or power you believe you are entitled to as a man? Fuck off.
Maybe rather than spending time on th8s board complaining to us about our political views you should get in touch with a charity like MIND and try to get your situation sorted.

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 07:55

I don't want any power or privilege Quentin; only a quality of life fit for a human being, and to be seen as a human being.

Datun · 29/06/2017 07:59

That's awful user. And no wonder you struggle.

If you browse Mumsnet, you will find many women who have had the same experience. Perhaps reading those threads could help you address it?

I suspect that perhaps sharing your experience might benefit you more than specifically questioning class analysis on the feminist boards.

And many of the women on these boards have had a similar experience. Hence feminism.

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 08:00

The person who abused me was a woman - a friend of the family who was supposed to look after me.

Whose fault was that? Whose fault was what happened to me? Was it mine as a male?

I was eight.

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 08:01

I know lots of women have these experiences.

A dear friend of mine was raped by her father. She is in a similar condition to me.

SylviaPoe · 29/06/2017 08:03

Why don't you find a place to discuss this with those who specialise in this area?

Datun · 29/06/2017 08:03

user

It is a horrible experience, but it's not unique. It also does not contradict class analysis in any way.

You are coming from a very specific place, with specific circumstances. That class analysis does not help you specifically, does not render it incorrect.

You think you don't have male privilege, because you are unhappy. But we can recognise your male privilege by you ignoring what this thread is about and making it specific to you and your individual circumstances.

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 08:04

Was it my fault?

Datun · 29/06/2017 08:10

user

You seem like an intelligent and articulate person. Do you seriously have to ask that question?

No, it wasn't.

Any more of the same is just going to look like goadiness. And a demand to centre you and your problems.

Why aren't you asking the men on the dadsnet section? Could it be that you suspect women are conditioned to listen and nurture?

You are demonstrating the accuracy of class analysis, despite thinking you fall outside it.

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 08:14

No, it wasn't.

Then whose fault was it? Tell me.

PencilsInSpace · 29/06/2017 08:16

As QuentinSummers said a couple of pages back, 1 in 4 women will be raped by a man ... 2 women a week will be killed by a man.

Every single one of those women is a unique individual. None of them wanted to be in the 'class of women who have been raped' or the 'class of women who have been murdered'. Every single one of those women has a name and a story.

If we only see these women as individuals with unique stories all these rapes and murders look like isolated, inexplicable tragedies. It's only when we compile statistics and do class analysis that we begin to see patterns and it becomes clear what is going on on a huge scale.

Only then can we have any hope of fighting it.

user you might find talking to NAPAC more useful than derailing threads on here.

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 08:16

Whose fault was it?

Datun · 29/06/2017 08:24

user

I'm not sure whether there is some kind of subtext to your question, but of course the fault and blame lies entirely with the person who abused you.

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 08:28

So she's the bad person? Not me?

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 08:29

The guilt should be in her, not in me????? Yes?

Datun · 29/06/2017 08:32

Of course user. She should be prosecuted. Abuse is never the fault of the victim.

It sounds to me as though you have not processed this. I urge you to take steps to do so, however difficult.

Here is the link again from pencils post above. Child abuse can have devastating repercussions. But it's never too late to heal.

napac.org.uk/

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 08:38

Thank you.

BertrandRussell · 29/06/2017 08:59

User, this is not an appropriate place for this conversation. Either start another thread or seek real life help. People will support you - most of us on here will support you. But on this thread I, and I suspect others, are finding it a bit difficult to get past the "you all hate men" vibe. And the suggestion that feminists would blame a child for his abuse because he was male really hacks me off. Which is not fair on you. So, start another thread. People will help.

Datun · 29/06/2017 09:05

And the suggestion that feminists would blame a child for his abuse because he was male really hacks me off.

Blimey. Is that the subtext I was missing?

BertrandRussell · 29/06/2017 09:10

Yes, I think it is, Datun.
" my only problem is people telling me I have privileges because I am a man, and that I am defined by being a man, and that what happened to me was my fault."

PoochSmooch · 29/06/2017 09:11

Yes, that's how I read it too, datun. Sadly.

Datun · 29/06/2017 09:19

Oh. I thought there was something, but I couldn't detect what.

Some people really don't get feminism, do they?

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 09:47

Because all my life I have been told that I, as a man, am dirty - and bad. That it's my feelings that should be scrutinised.

Whereas the women who abused me is receiving the message that she can be do as she pleases, that she is an innocent victim - even if that means ripping out someone's soul and consigning them to a life and death of torment.

Anything or dirty of shameful in me has been put in me by a woman - a pedophile who has made me the carrier of her evil. That is what paedophile's do.

user1498662042 · 29/06/2017 09:49

Because it's not me that's dirty and bad is it? It's her. She is dirty. I am clean.

Just like all those young girls are not dirty and bad, but are only made to feel so by the men who abuse them.

Right?

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