I've read this thread with interest. It's very important to me to listen to women talk about this subject, and what the many posters have said in this thread resonates with me greatly.
I am transgender. I'm not a woman. I'm transgender. That is a good enough and valid identification for me. I have no idea what it "feels like to be a woman", for I am not one. And it annoys me greatly when I hear men who regard themselves as transgender say that they "feel" like a woman. Even after transitioning, such a statement means nothing other than what they think it feels like to be a woman.
I will never call myself a woman. For I am not, and no amount of surgery will ever validate such a statement being uttered from my mouth.
I recall watching the show Big Questions in which a transgender person (dressed in women's clothes), recited a tale about going into women's toilets in a supermarket. This person's reasoning for not going into the men's toilets were, quote "not wanting to scare men". I simply could not believe what I heard. This person was lying. What they really meant was that they were too scared themselves to go into the men's toilet, and so, irrespective of how they were presented, it was women who had to deal with this person's own, personal burden.
I myself have never once in my life entered a woman's toilet. For one very simple reason. No matter how I am dressed, I'm not a woman. For me, it is as simple as that. I've been threatened and assaulted in the men's toilets. The solution to that is not to enter a woman's space and put the "problem" upon them, but rather to face up to the men who are the ones who are causing the problem.
A poster a few pages back mentioned crossdressers.com. That is a horrible site, full of autogynefiles who have female partners who are treated with such disrespect. Should their partner accept them, or show a mere glimpse of accepting them, then the misogyny shines through with the replies that they are met. "She is a keeper, look after her" is the tantamount response. The implicit meaning of such a response being simply that a woman who doesn't accept is not worth keeping. This just expresses the self-centered ideals of these people. It's all about them. It always will be about them. It is not about compromise. And should it be accepted by their partners, then the boundaries of that acceptance will be pushed and pushed until the man gets it all his own way.
"Buy her flowers and tell her how much you love her" is the reply to those who's partners show the mere hint of acceptance. When a partner doesn't show any inkling of acceptance, those very same words are never uttered in their replies. I have never read a reply to a thread on that site where the partner doesn't accept them that has a positive word or even just a respectful consideration for what their partners are actually going through.
I hate it all. Years ago I thought I found a word that allowed me to express who I am, and to know that I'm not alone. That I'm not a freak. But that word (transgender) has no meaning for me anymore, because it's been taken over by people who are intent on defining it for me, and defining it in such a way that I simply can not relate to.
I am on side with you all in this thread and the concerns that you raise resonate with me greatly. I was born male. I like to express myself in a way that people would expect a woman to present. But that does not, nor ever will, make me a woman. I am a gay male, who likes "feminine" things. It was always harder for me to find a male partner because gay men are, by their very nature, attracted to men. They are not attracted to a man who likes to present himself in the way that I do. Now it is even harder, because the rhetoric coming out from the transactivists is stating that I should actually be calling myself a straight woman. If I was attracted to women, I should be labeling myself a lesbian.
It's sickening to me. Why can't I just be accepted for who I actually am. A transgender person? At least in the sense that I thought the word "transgender" actually meant?
People have talked at length in this thread about fetish. The truth is, in my situation, I am nothing but a fetish for other men. The irony being that I have been objectified in the same way that many of you hate being objectified as women. All I want is to be me. And my annoyance isn't towards any of you. It's towards the trans community to which I supposedly belong. It is them that is making it harder for me. Not any of you.