Why do girls let the boys get away with it?

[Weneedarevolution]

My DS is doing A levels. In geography they have been put in a group of boys and girls - 5 students I think. They have to complete a project. The girls have organised and allocated th work, my DS has minimal work to do. He is GOOD at geography his input would help the girls. He is quite happy to let this happen as he can benefit from their efforts while getting on with other work.

His argument is that if they had asked him he would have gladly helped but they organised it and he just agreed. I really believe if the girls asked he and his friends would do the work to a high standard.

This has happened through out his school career, he and his friends almost expect it now.

So who is to blame the girls for not asking or the boys for letting it happen?

But I didn't meet the female equivalent, Lass. I met the loafer that I described in my post. So I don't know what phrase I would use, as I am racking my brains to think of a time that I've needed it. I've certainly had workshy female team members, but I've never come across one that felt so entitled to my time and energy while they coasted. I take it that you take exception to the word "manchild"? I quite like it. We all know them.

I'm sure they will tell the teacher your son did very little work.
We had this issue at uni so we explained to the lecturer that certain people did no work.
Tbh the lecturers aren't stupid, they can tell when someone's not contributed and will mark them less accordingly.
Your son needs to get involved and be an equal part of the group. He doesn't need to be asked. They aren't his keeper.

Sorry, posted too soon. I like the word "manchild" because I'm a fan of a bit of transactional analysis, and it's very descriptive of a set of behaviours that place a man/boy in a child role and force the woman/girl into the parent (specifically mother) role. It's not a good interaction for anyone. The child role is disempowering for the boy/man, and the parent role is exhausting for the woman. Adult/adult transactions are the ideal (though I appreciate that in OP's case, we aren't discussing adults).

Do "we" all know them?

I know people who are a joy to work with and others who complete pains who do the minimum they get away with and a few who give the impression of being helpful whilst at the same time doing their best to undermine management , hinder and sow dissent. The three categories certainly do not divide by sex.

Off the top of my head the laziest I've ever had to deal with was a man and the most devious, manipulative person I would not have trusted an inch was a woman. Currently I have 2 employees,1 of each sex (1 shortly to be an ex) who are in the doing their best to hinder catergory.

Wow, OP has been treated harshly, probably because of the title.
Did your son sit back and let someone else do the work because they were girls or because he doesn't need to - he's already achieving, he's a teenager (teenager in laziness shock horror) or because they stepped up and took charge so he let them?
In my experience of group work, someone usually steps up to lead and others step back and let them.
I would explain to him that him doing this with girls can become a pattern for many people's lives (lazy manchild) and he should take care not to act like that.
I'm interested if at iamamy's all girl's school, how the group dynamic works? Do you still get those who "take charge" and those who sit back?
The other thing that happens in mixed groups is someone steps up to lead (as these girls did) and another challenges it and you get a power struggle. Your son challenging the girls in this way would be also seen as him exerting his dominance over the girls.

Struggling to see how this is a feminist issue ? If it were the other way around it's absolutely certain that posters would be saying it was sexist as well. I think some people prefer to sit back and let others (who seem to enjoy it) organise things. Generally speaking any statement along the lines that "women organise stuff and get things done, men less so" is obviously false.

growapear from what I can gather in schools it is a pattern. Girls consistently pick up group tasks and boys consistently let them. If it was gender neutral I wouldn't be bothered he will learn the lesson.
When talking to DS and his friends they expect and accept this is what will happen along gender lines, that is what I don't like.

I knew as I pressed post that you would pick up on that, Lass.

It is a behaviour I have seen, as have others I have talked to, as have people on this thread. That better?

deydododatdodontdeydo there are certainly some girls who are clear leaders and take charge from the start, but it's rarely done in a way which excludes anyone, from what I've experienced. I think because we've done group work since Year 7, guided by teachers to a lesser extent as time has gone on, we've learnt how it should be done. My school is quite academic so most (if not all) of us want to get involved and show what we can do too. The vast majority wouldn't sit back and those who tend to be the leaders wouldn't want them to either, I don't think.

Yours sounds like a great, academic school Amy.
Thinking back to my school days, there were certainly many girls (and boys of course, it was a mixed school) who were quite happy to do bugger all for their entire school lives.

It is, I'm very lucky. No chance of getting through without doing a lot of work at my school!

Perhaps boys are also keenly aware that they will be accused of taking over if the speak up ?

growapear I highly doubt it. Knowing plenty of boys my age, who are apparently well educated and go to very good schools, they're not shy about expressing their misogyny and general contempt for women/girls. Doubt being accused of taking over would bother them much.

Also given the sexual assaults which are rife in mixed schools now I can't imagine boys are too bothered about issues of sexism.

Not if they speak up in a sensible way that isn't accompanied by an unpleasant attitude, surely. It would be a shame to not do the right thing for fear of it being misinterpreted.

It's quite a manipulative tactic to say "Oh, I wanted to say something, but I was afraid of how you'd react so I didn't say anything". Not sure I buy it. I'm sure there are individual boys too shy to speak up, and situations where that happens, but that is not what the OP is describing at all. It's not reticence if he maintains it's just not work he needs to do.

DS is introverted but I am not letting him use it as an excuse because I don't think that is the reason.

Oh, I'm sorry Amy. Boys are generally women hating entitled idiots who feel girls should take on menial tasks on their behalf. They are like this because they have no respect for girls and they think women's labour is for primarily for the benefit of men.

Was that better ?

I mean, what other explanation could there be ?

Well I was posting about a lot of what I've experienced but thanks for your sarcastic response.

Perhaps boys are also keenly aware that they will be accused of taking over if the speak up?

Nothing in the OPs comments suggests that. She says that because the girls didn't actually give the boys directions on what to do, they don't feel they have to do anything. Girls generally won't have that attitude because they won't want to risk looking like dead weight.

But it's not like it's all disadvantage to the girls - they are working, researching, improving, learning, instead of vegging in front of YouTube. For A Levels that's not the end of the world, but it will be a very bad habit to carry through to degree level when self-discipline is very important.

You could tell him to at least offer to take on more work on the project. I doubt the parameters are so narrow that nothing extra could be added?

Grown man insulting a school girl, pear?

Stylish.

I have a feeling growapear is not new round these parts, but has had a name change.

I get feelings like that from time to time, Selkie.

I was a mature student, whenever we did group work myself and another woman (my friend) would basically do this (divide the work between the 2 of us giving the rest of the group little bits). The reason was we both left things to the last minute and didn't want an additional "deadline" from the rest of our group. We preferred doing the work in one of our homes with vodka to follow.

What this thread has made me notice is that most of the women we would group with would often be anxious about the unfair division and chase us constantly checking everything was okay. The men with grouped with never did, not once that I can remember.