I'm starting to hate men

[Mamaka]

I posted this on relationships but didn't get any response:

I've noticed recently that I've become more and more anti men - I think since having my first child. So many factors that I could mention and probably many deep rooted issues contributing to this but the long and short of it is why do women have to suffer and sacrifice at every turn?!

I don't really want to feel like this. I have a son who I want to bring up/am bringing up to be a feminist but I'm worried about how my hateful feelings towards men are going to rub off on my dc.

I suppose I am asking if there is a way I can combat these feelings and start to feel more positively towards them.

Oh, don't come the raw prawn, John. Basic netiquette says that you don't come barnstorming in to a new board and start shouting the odds - you come in, you listen, you find the tone of the place and you join in. SPECIFICALLY, as a man, you don't barge into female spaces and expect us all to gasp at your wisdom as you completely derail a thread with arguments that seem as if they might contain meaning, but are functionally impenetrable.

Otherwise you risk coming across as a trombone.

"if I have seemed polite or patronising". You have been told repeatedly by a number of users that you HAVE done this. But you're not listening. On a thread that was started by someone bemoaning the reasons she struggles to like men. IRONY KLAXON!!!!

Batteries, I was not particularly thinking of commune environments.

We use the phrase single parents to refer to people but not in a romantic relationship. But often single parents are bringing children up with other family members and friends doing childcare, supporting them in many ways. Increasingly people live with adult siblings, multi generational households and other arrangements.

The UN had some research showing that there were better outcomes for children in households with adult females than with men and women. So I am not convinced that male and female households are necessarily better for kids. I suspect it depends on many factors.

Well if you are using someone for nothing but sex then you are objectifying them, surely?

I am aware that it is mostly men who do this BTW.

Lass good point. I have had many orgasms outside of loving relationships nothing joyless or utilitarian about that!

"WiLLiam: I think certain aspects of Dworkin's thought are highly eccentric, but I nevertheless think her one of the most unfairly underacknowledeged thinkers of the twentieth century. My allusion was complimentary."

You said previously about Dworkin: "potty as she may have been". That ain't a compliment, BTW.

It's not a question of being "empowered".As an aside , I'm so fed up of the overuse of that word.

With you there, Lass!

"Well if you are using someone for nothing but sex then you are objectifying them, surely? "

Using? What does that mean? "fun, no strings attached sex" was mentioned - why is that 'using'?

I see thanks buffy and almond.

Every woman I know who is living with extended family with a baby, or who has extensive family 'help' seems to find it very stressful and a battle at times. But perhaps being exposed to a wider range of social relationships is better for kids (even with the stress it can bring) than just avoiding multiples carers altogether.

Sorry for derailing. It's a topic I've thought quite a bit about but yet don't know what my opinion really is about a lot of it. If that makes sense. I had an abusive upbringing so I guess my instinct is to reject other people getting involved in my parenting but I know that's my personal baggage.

And what is with all the dichotomies? You can assert you opinion that there's a choice of either monogamous love or WE'RE DOOOOOOOOMED but... Really? You see no other possibility for human sociality?

Way hey. I agree with Buffy !

Well if you are using someone for nothing but sex then you are objectifying them, surely?

Was that a reply to me? Punters and consumers of porn use women (and occasionally men) for nothing but sex. Do you really think there can only be a mutually satisfying sexual encounter if it's part of monogamous long term relationship?

Freshwater: I have listened - and agreed with some points and disagreed with others. What else am I supposed to do? I find it odd that respectful disagreement cannot be accommodated. I have just been commenting on the situation in turkey on another site and everyone seems to disagree but it isn't a big deal.

As I said, I was responding to some comments about the nature of gender identity. I dont expect anyone to gasp at my wisdom, just critically engage with the debate. Sorry if my comments haven't made good sense: that is a failure on my part.

That is a fair point Buffy. I should have been more concise. I would welcome any criticisms you have nevertheless.

Batteries, You should do what is best for you. If you find that you can make better judgements and feel more secure by keeping strong boundaries in place, then do so.

The better outcomes for kids were connected to women investing more of the available time and income in kids, rather than things like different generational perspectives, iirc.

Read the room John, read the room...

I can't believe Lass and Buffy finally agreed on something!

Buffy: I haven't asked enough, you're right. How do you think patriarchy can be best challenged, culturally?

In a thread that I didn't think could get any odder, Lass and Buffy are agreeing

What the hell was in that cocktail my husband made me earlier? I seem to have teleported into another dimension.

Way hey. I agree with Buffy !

Dervel Sun 17-Jul-16 21:03:29

Read the room John, read the room...

I find it odd that respectful disagreement cannot be accommodated.

I'm the only respondent to you that you feel has been disrespectful; even then, I didn't use ANY swearie words.

I think it was not respectful to blame feminists for... shall I say it again? But I guess you are getting over the perceived disrespect by ignoring me.

Buffy, I am interested in what you think. You seem very erudite and I might learn something from what you have to say. I wasn't demanding a response from you, just asking.

You are right Buffy is worth listening to, a basic search of the forums will give any number of topics she has contributed to to read up on.

Well put, dervel.