Feminist Pub XX - may the summer rains wash the patriarchy down the plughole

[NoTechnologicalBreakdown]

Ooh ooh! Do I get to start it?

Wine and cake all round. And a celebratory burst on the patriarchy-blasting cannon!

Old pub here

Happy New Year!

Been away. But back to work now. :(

Today is my 3rd day back - I found it really difficult to get out of bed this morning. Roll on the weekend!

Hello

Hello

Just read a depressing dispatch from the MRA frontier: here, longer article with more detail : here.

The headline is that MRAs in California are now appropriating equality legislation to sue organisations running women only events such as networking evenings. It does seem that a major motivator is that they're actually making money from it, but they must be thrilled at being able to screw women over like this too.

It's so depressing. Somedays I really despair about the background hum of misogyny out there. It just seems like a flood these days, that legislation that was intended to lift women up is being used to beat us back down again.

Have they been successful?

OK - a quick look says there's been some success. Will read properly later.

Just popping this interesting post by bbpp here as I think the source thread may go pooofff soon:

For child custody: in most (51%) of cases, both parents decided on their own (out of court) that the mother was to receive full custody
in 29% of custody cases, the decision was made without any third party involvement
in 91% of cases, the decision for the mother to have custody was made without court involvement
of those who go to court, 70% of men who seek custody of their child receive it
of those 70%, 1/3 of the cases cited domestic abuse as part of the reason for divorce
women who mention having been victims of domestic abuse in court are less likely to receive custody of their children than women who didn’t

I just read an article from a white male liberal feminist which says that the greatest threat to 'child sex workers' are the police. I despair I genuinely despair.

newrepublic.com/article/128028/child-sex-workers-biggest-threat-police

TBH, if the police are acting in the way describe (tortuously written to hide that most of these kids are female by using youth/people except when directly quoting people I notice - so as to be inclusive/clickbait) then that needs to be fixed.

I don't know that they're the greatest threat, but they're certainly not helping.

The way the article is written is normalising purchasing children specifically girl children for sex, children cannot be sex workers. Also I would say the biggest threat to prostituted children are the johns that rape and murder them.

Also it's a straw man argument, no one is advocating for the criminalization of child prostitutes

Can I get some wine please? I posted here a while ago about being happy without fuckwit ex, but a recent relationships thread makes me think that my relationship was emotionally abusive. And I'm really annoyed. I'm supposed to be a feminist ffs, how the hell did I let this happen?! Next time I'm planning on marrying someone and taking his name (and doing the housework, and pussyfooting around having more money, and being an all round emotional caretaker) just to keep the peace, will someone please give me a good talking too?

Duly noted in my diary, Jessica.

Please be kind to yourself, lovely, when someone we thought loved us turns out to have done a number on us, it can be difficult to be kind, but do try. Being kind to ourselves is probably one of the most basically feminist things we can do.

Take care

Thanks palmer. I've been pretty selfish for the last couple of months. Not in a hurting other people way, but just putting myself first. It was hard at first, but now I'm finding it very, very refreshing.

Don't beat yourself up, Jessicas - you wouldn't be the first or last to find herself in that situation, and it's not your fault. And as for being "selfish" now? Maybe you're putting on your own oxygen mask first...? And that's a good thing!

In a way, it was partly my feminism that led to me putting up with a cocklodger of a ex. As a feminist why shouldn't I be the breadwinner? In fact, I wanted to be - it was a vindication that I could do and be anything, and that was rooted in my feminism. However, that feeling of invincibility, combined with an upbringing which left me unable to articulate my needs, or to feel that they were important meant that when I found myself responsible not just for breadwinning, but for every last fucking thing from cooking to cleaning to life admin to car stuff, I couldn't for the life of me work out how it had happened. It completely blindsided me.

Jessica.

Yeah, selfish is probably the wrong word. But it still feels kinda wrong, somehow. Putting my own needs and wants first. I have every intention of continuing until it feels normal to prioritise my own happiness. This does seem to be commonplace among my female friends - things just for them are laden with guilt.

And yes to the invincibility thing. I'm perfectly capable of running my life, a house, car, everything all by myself. It's never scared me. But with him, it was so bloody hard to do everything, and I couldn't stop because that would be admitting failure. Being comfortable with being weak sometimes is definitely something I'm working on.

It also never occurred to me that the person who supposedly loved me was the one making it feel like a struggle. It wasn't until the relationships thread, where the op was describing incredibly similar behaviours and it was blatantly obvious it was abuse that I stopped to properly consider my previous relationship. Couldn't see the wood for the trees I guess.

Onwards and upwards tho. I'm very lucky that I got out when I did, before it got worse. And I love my new life. Put up new curtains yesterday, so my house is all finished. I'm kinda disappointed that I don't get to b&q any more.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/in-pictures-35460945

These girls - it's so powerful having them speak as if they have already achieved their goals.

And their goals, they're so good - so right.

Amazing link, GreenTomatoJam.

Pub's quiet...

Dry Jan is over, sisters

, , and link with your drink:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-35559439

Crikey. Attention seeking blokies are just so fucking tedious, aren't they?

[pours a nice cold cider]

Have always disliked cider as acidic/sickly sweet stuff, but it's growing on me.