Ms, Mrs,Miss

[LookAtMeGo]

Apologies in advance, as I'm sure it has been done to death. But today I realised the truth of why I refer to myself as Mrs even though I'm divorced. My mum is divorced and told me as a child in response to me asking why she is still Mrs that it is so nobody judges her and she looks respectable (not her actual words, but that's what I got from the convo at the age of about ten)

Even as a highly educated professional, I still wanted to hold on to the title post-divorce and I feel pretty... I don't know... angry? Upset? Ashamed? I really don't know. All I know is I don't feel good, and I shall be Ms from now on.

Any thoughts? Is there something else I should be doing?

Mehitabel, yes, I went to school in a rough part of London. Interesting that you said that. I nearly left London with an ex, and my most staunch feminist friend told me that anywhere I went wouldn't be as forward thinking in feminist terms. I thought she was just being a bit of little Londoner, IYSWIM.

I think it would be nice if we had one title for under 16s and one for over 16s. Just one - so nothing to indicate gender.

There's never a reason that gender needs to be included either.

My mother died three weeks ago at the age of 93 and I have just begun to go through her things. Last night I came across her file of papers related to her work. There were several documents, including newsletters, in which she and other women were identified as Ms. These dated as far back as 1978 and she was a civilian employee of the US military. I just thought that was pretty impressive and forward thinking for 1978 in a fairly traditional and conservative sector.

As i said Beaufort, we know why the inequality and inequality in reverse persists. I wouldn't personally use the title Lady because I had done nothing to earn it and I'd get no satisfaction in basking in reflected glory.

DH wouldn't be a Sir because, as Buffy said, the idea that women are real people who have achieved something on their own merit never occurred to men when they instituted the system of marriage so they never had to allow for a man to bask in reflected glory. Man is the default innit?

I remember a few years back on MN during a discussion similar to this one, a poster saying something along the lines of being glad that she had her husband's name because they were expecting him to be knighted. This isn't really an issue for Americans, but if it were, I wouldn't choose to be called Lady Hisname anymore than I would choose to be called Mrs. Hisname.

On second thought, I suppose it might be an issue for some Americans if they married a Lord. Jamie Lee Curtis is technically a Lady because of that, but I don't think she uses the title.

Seneca - like bzzzzz with fewer zzz - a short "u" sound as others have said.

Sorry about your mum

Stupor, I told DH that if I ever committed a major fraud or something in my name, I would take his name then to escape being googled

Thanks, Yonic

I just mentioned London because it was far more likely to use Ms for teachers. In places such as Liskeard, Midhurst, Cockermouth, Tewkesbury, Harrogate etc etc etc you would be lucky to find a teacher using Ms. And even less likely if you get into villages.

I can't see a need for any title before 16 yrs and after that perhaps we could all have the same. ( if we could agree on which one) .

I can't see a need for any title before 16 yrs and after that perhaps we could all have the same. ( if we could agree on which one) .

True. The problem to agree on one is the bagage that come with each one. If there were no assumptions with using one or another it would be easier but someone already mentioned upthread that they switched from ms to mrs because of the negative connotations of being a ms with children. I think that feeling disrespected because someone calls you miss, ms or mrs just perpetuates the problem, it implies that any other choice is a lack of respect.

"after that perhaps we could all have the same. ( if we could agree on which one) "

Yes! This would be great!

The case for the one title being Ms:

Does not have long standing meaning with respect to marital status
Same number of letters as Mr

Who wants to make the case for the other two?

I would like the same for everyone to be something new and not anything short for mistress.

How about Comrade?

I read a science fiction novel some years ago (can't remember the title now, but I do like Ursula LeGuin, so it might have been her), in which everyone used the title Res.

Res Smith, Res Jones, whatever. As the book went on, you discovered that it stood for Respected Citizen, and it was the same for everyone, women and men alike. I rather liked the idea of having one title for everyone, that denotes nothing about social or marital status.

I like Citizen

Or The Honourable.

Can I suggest "Of[father's name] for all single women of any age and "Of[dh's name] on marriage? This would suit those who are proud to define themselves by their relationships with men.....

The Hon Alex Tigers.

Yes, Yonic, it has a certain ring to it!

Can I suggest "Of[father's name] for all single women of any age and "Of[dh's name] on marriage? This would suit those who are proud to define themselves by their relationships with men.....

No. I'd be surrounded by Ofjohns (my unmarried contemporaries) and the married ones would all be Ofdave, Ofpaul, Ofpete or Ofandy. And hardly any other names.

Yrs, Czn Bearhug.

I would never in a million years agree to being referred to as Ms

Ok Charis what's your unisex title of choice? Feel free to make one up!

Charis1 why?

Comrade might not fly in the good ole USA, with its communist associations and all. Again, I'm with the Quakers. "Friend" has a sort of comradely connotation.

I wonder if any man has ever sat around pondering how nice or not nice Mister sounds?

It's a word, like, say,person, that would never be thought about if there was only one automatic choice.

I would never in a million years agree to being referred to as Mrs.

So, one title for all doesn't look like happening any time soon.

I would be Friend Yonic not Friend Screwdriver, wouldn't i?

I'm not sure that would meet british politeness standards

I don't want to ever be anything other than "Miss". That is my name, that is who I am.